Mmmmm...cranberry sauce... mmmm...oh…  more»

I'm sorry, sir; what were you looking for?  more»

This seems redundant to me.
Those fucked up kids are crazy.
Those crazy kids aer fucked up.…  more»

I'd rather be a pimp than a pimple, rather be a beet than a beetle, rather be fab than a fable.

But that's just me.  more»

Our local garage still gives away free air for your tires, and several of my friends have frost-free freezers. My bank offers hassle-free checking accounts, and the organic section at the supermarket sells free-range chickens. Freedom's everywhere; Let Freedom Ring!!!  more»

Al Vocado's Fabulous Fruit Market

"We only sell the *good* stuff."  more»

Oh, but we all want her
and we want her badly
because if nothing else is true,
one thing is certain:
she’s an internal combustion
in an otherwise
push-button universe.
  more»

uhh..."item" and "sum up"

sheesh  more»

Crew, I bet. Rowing.

It's obvious the lister is sure about the first two items, less so about the next two.…  more»

Got red?  more»

Well I, for one, hope she gets to see his ass smile soon.

  more»

What a rare FIND! I'm sure the Nabokov Library would love to have it back. I'm surprised, though, at Vlad's level of self-loathing; and especially surprised that he didn't like his legs.…  more»

Shouldn't that be "Vote No On 69"?  more»

My appointment book has weekends on the right-hand side of the right-hand pages, which affords me (during those interminable Monday morning staff meetings) a decent doodle space on which to create works such as these. I salute the Napkin Inker.…  more»

Money is the shifting sand upon which all foudations are built for homes destined to fall. Seek the bedrock of human kindness and compassion instead.…  more»

In Your Dreams

I do not fart. I scrub the toilet.
I don't sing out loud
before it's time to wake you up.…  more»

Restraining order won't do it. Damon needs a gun.

This note might as well read:
Talk to me.…  more»

The'd wud dee ah blanaceng sood, wuth nari canna o fotsic boutitit, I think.  more»

precious biz
precious arre  more»

I'm glad to see this kid doesn't dislike all the teachers, just Mr (blank).

My experience has been that when a student refers to school as "too easy" it's either because (A) they're very bright & do not find it challenging, or because (B) they're cretinous little morons that only sit at their desks all day, picking their noses and waiting for recess.

Most of this second group only gets annoyed when Mr (blank) comes along, trying to motivate them.…  more»

Yes, yes; I know we're twins but, still....  more»

Still, that's no excuse for showing up two weeks late for the job interview.  more»

Yeah, well, my neighbor spotted your license as you drove away, so I tracked you down, ran over your dog, terrified your children, and did it with your wife. No problem.

PS: Repair bill's in the mail.  more»

We ignorant sloths are always glad to have a new member descend into our particular circle of Hell.…  more»

The Buddha inclines me toward compassion, even for small-minded, exclusive, religious bigots like this writer.…  more»