12 Jobs

I found this on the coffee table in my living room. I have no idea how it got there, and I still don’t know who wrote it. At first I thought it was a little amusing, then a bit sad.

50 Feet Penis

I grabbed a cart at the Home Depot the other day and this list had been left in the basket. Was it the daydream of a lonely artisan or a prank played by a snarky coworker? Either way that’s a lot of penis.

I’m Gone Make Him Cry

Mackenzie found this on the Metro train after a Cardinals game. The front looks like innocent schoolwork; the back belies the glorification of violence in our youth.

Violating Carvelle

I found this note/business card when I was walking down a residential street.

Animal Attributes

I found this on a table in my work’s cafeteria. It was written on a napkin, and I thought that it was just hilarious, especially because it is all about someone named Lance, and that is my name, too.

Page Me Later

One cold as fuck February night in Chicago in 1999, I went to my old apartment at Fullerton and Kedzie to watch the movie “Ran” with my friend and old roommate Kelli, who still lived there. Around 3 a.m. I stumbled out to my car, full of war-fatigue from the movie, and thinking all kinds … Continued