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February 05, 2007 |
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I Just Realized
FOUND by Erin
in Santa Barbara, California
This was found on a desk in the library at UC Santa Barbara, where a group of girls had been studying or distressing about their looks. I can't imagine why this realization happened in the library.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
How sad. I'm sure you are.
Hm...I live here too and all my friends have low self esteem...maybe it's something in the water
join the club
oh my god thats so sad. but why would she write it on a note like that? she wanted someone to find it i guess. or she passed it to someone. it is a library...
A how-to for a class? Or really feeling that way? Very sad either way.
this makes me sad = (
this breaks my heart
that's so sad!
Now I'm wondering if this [presumed] girl is writing this from the perspective of realizing she is not naturally conventionally pretty, or from having come out the other end, product-ing herself into something inhuman. Or, y'know, any other circumstances that might cause such a thought to pop up. Intriguing!
In my mind's eye, I picture a group of young girls sitting around the table, laughing, distressing about broken nails and party clothes, feeling sorry for those less socially popular than them . . . then one decides to do something crazy. I mean CRAZY! She whips out a notecard, and writes the unimaginable: "I am ugly." They all watch with wonder and amazement, taking turns with their own never-in-a-million-years confessions. Then they all laugh and laugh and the phrase, "As if!" can be heard throughout the quiet library. As the librarian quiets them for the last time, they all get up to go, carelessly tossing around their index card lies, and they go on with their socially utopian lives.
you are beautiful, you just don't see it yet.
i bet she is.
It happens!
I realized that about myself a long time ago, but hopefully, in leaving the card there, she can move on, just as I have.
Maybe she was trying to make herself study... if she can't depend on her looks she has to get an A!
That's the saddest thing. I wish more girls valued their looks and their individual uniqueness and stopped trying to be like magazine models who are basically created and altered. We are all beautiful in our own unique and unconventional ways. Love yourself for who you are.
i'm hoping this is the title of a book (being at the top of the notecard)--perhaps a sociology book about female puberty--that she intends to make notes on for the paper she is writing for her psych class. i'm in an optimistic mood.
I thought that about myself for years. Then I started to like the person I am. Now I know I'm pretty (if unconventionally so), and other people seem to agree.
it could happen in a library so easily. libraries are filled of books with plots that'll never happen and descriptions of females (and males for that matter) that are pure fantasy and will never really exist and to compare yourself to one could make you feel unpretty so i see where she's come from it may have taken her awhile to realize she'll never be a poster child for a fantasy world but i'm sure like me a bunch of us realized this a long time ago. Not to say we're not pretty, just that as much truth as the library holds it also holds false ideas that can leave a girl feeling down.
When I first read this note, it spurred a kind of flashback to that point in time when, as an-almost-teenage girl, you realize how much you really don't like yourself just cause you don't fit the "norm". But then I saw all the comments, almost all of them positive or reassuring in a way, and it thrilled me to see that once many of us get past that age we get to see ourselves in a completely new light. I hope she sees all these comments, in some way or another.
I think all women should view the movie at Dove's website, campaign for real beauty. The fact of the matter is that the beauty society tells us is beauty is a manufactured body. Look at 19th century art. Show me where women are super skinny with ripped abs etc. It's not there. Real beauty has been corrupted by our modern media. The Natural woman looks nothing like the hard abs, rock hard bottom and big bosomed that our fashion and beauty magazines portray.
Don't say that real girls aren't skinny. I've never had an eating disorder, dieted or made an effort to exercise. But since I was a toddler, I've been pretty skinny. Sometimes even coke-addict/starving Ethiopian skinny. There might be some deluded curvy girls who'd love that, but I really didn't. I was really self conscious about people being able to see my ribs and veins and I thought I was really ugly. Plus I always got cold and I couldn't find pants that fit. But I've started trying to eat as much as I can (even if I'm not hungry) and I've gained a couple pounds, and I think I look a lot better now.
Women come in all shapes and sizes, and we all are capable of being pretty. On the other hand, pretty much of all of us think that we're not. There's conflicting media messages: you should be thin, but you should also have big breasts? That's pretty hard without surgery.
And I don't think 19th century art is a good thing to base your standard of beauty on because for one, they wore corsets and had 18 inch waists back then. And also, many people didn't get enough to eat so a chubby woman was sort of rare.
Everyone's pretty in their own way and form- not matter what. Inside and or out! Smile who ever wrote it. =)
Everyone has something pretty about them, you just have to want to see it. Don't worry about what others think, if you are a good person inside that will get you farther.
Welcome to my world.
Guess what? All great things are still possible.
The straightfowardness of the statement is what gets me. That, and the fact that the writer chose to scrawl it so near the top margin. It's as if there should be more to write. I hope she soon realizes that there's a whole lot more to living than being pretty.
it doesn't matter what you look like or what kind of personality you have, everyone needs reassurance from time to time and if it doesn't materialise when you need it most it can make the strongest of wills doubt themselves
i love the scribble. its as if she meant to write more but in the end just gave up and packed up and either went to get more make up or to throw all her makeup away and began painting.
i prefer the second one. i live in arizona. everyone has the perfect tan and the perfect body so to think of someone giving that up in submission and accepting a totaly differnt more internal life, is refreshing.
I think it is interesting to think of people I know who I think of as pretty or handsome - to examine their features, and I usually find that their faces are technically no more pleasant than anyone else's. It is all in how they feel about themselves and others! And inversely, I often see someone who looks unattractive, and realize that their features are actually very beautiful, but it is their mood and self-esteem that make them less pleasant to look at.
I think I kind of teeter between the two, the latter being much more common than I would like! But I am working on it!
So to the author of the note, I say... that is true only if you believe it.
you're beautiful.
I am so sad right now.
I know what its like to be one of those girls. i have friends like that. i am also like that. we do those things. its almost sad how shallow and dumb we can be. but we write things like that on little note cards. in fact we even "rated" eachother. as in we gave eachother 1-5 (one being the worst five being hte best) ratings on face, body, skin, eyes and hair. it makes me sad to know that everyone gave me pretty close to 3's and 4's. i guess i'm avarge. too bad nobody wants to date me. humm..
This is very sad. I am going to go look at Bunnee again to make myself feel better...
I bet she is both pretty on the inside and outside. Mostly I think that seeing this card people will realize how important it is to always tell someone how beautiful they are no matter what. You may end up making their day that much brighter.
You might not think so, but I bet someone else does.
Call me cold or insensitive, but my first thought when I read this card was that this chick was only writting that to gain attention. I bet she knows how to centre the world around her...
Very unnecessary, very sad. What possible gain is there in subjecting oneself to that?
The girl may not think she's pretty, but she's in a good place to move onto bigger and better things than worrying about looks. Anyone can get a bucket full of make-up or cosmetic surgery. Not anyone can be brilliant.
"Beauty fades, but dumb is forever" - Judge Judy.
I think that beauty is a state of mind. I used to hate my looks because I thought I was too fat. I now weight at least 15 pounds more, maybe an inch taller and I feel more beautiful than ever- not in a conceited way, but more that I am content to be myself. Someone one day will love me like I love me.
anyone notice that the vast majority of those making comments on this card are women?
When I first saw this it reminded me of that book "Post Secrets." You write a secret on a postcard and mail it in. A lot of of the cards have art or other decorations on them. I thought she was writing this secret and left it blank for a canvas for some art. However, it is still sad because she didn't even have the heart to finish the little bit she had started. I hope just writing it down gave her peace and allows her freedom from it.
ey we all have those days right.
you are beautiful, you just don't see it yet.
Whenever I feel unpretty, I remember the first time I heard that my now boyfriend said I was beautiful. I didn't feel pretty then either, so it helps me remember that even when I don't think so, the one who really matters most to me will always think I'm beautiful.
I wonder under what circumstances she was made to feel this way...? Low self-esteem or not, no one comes about these "epiphanies" on their own. How tragic. I hope one day she'll grow to know how WRONG she was at that very moment.
Congrats Peter! Broad Ripple must be nuts.
I just realized that the Super Bowl wasn't pretty, but you guys still deserve to celebrate all winter.
All females are pretty.
That's so sad. They even tried to draw something or write another realization below that one but were too emotionally distraught and all their rage could only amount to a faint scribble.
When I first saw this it reminded me of that book "Post Secrets." You write a secret on a postcard and mail it in. A lot of of the cards have art or other decorations on them. I thought she was writing this secret and left it blank for a canvas for some art. However, it is still sad because she didn't even have the heart to finish the little bit she had started. I hope just writing it down gave her peace and allows her freedom from it.
That is so sad! Whoever you are, I'm sure you're pretty. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and as cheesy as that might sound, i HONESTLY believe it.
I guess I'm just like her. I've never been told I'm pretty or attractive by anyone other than my mom, and I don't believe it. And I would write it on a card, in the hopes that someone would find it and think, "Maybe you are." And in a way, that would be pretty cool. Guess it's a teenage girl thing.
I used to think that. Up until about.. oh 7 months ago.
But then i realized...
If i think I am pretty. Then I am pretty.
So right now, darling, if you don't think you are pretty.... then you arent.
But if you do think your pretty, then you are.
My only hope is that you did not realize this while reading "cosmo" "teen people" or any of that other crap that shows the "perfect girl."
We are beautiful for our imperfections.
I used to think i was fat, my thighs were huge, and my tummy was chubby.
My boyfriend loves my tummy, which has, since then, gotten flabber (on the account of I don't excersise anymore), he finds no fault in my thighs, and thinks I am the most beautiful person in this world.
And I believe him.
Because we are all equally beautiful.
It's just sad how most girls need a boy to tell them that to realize it for themselves (I needed to hear it from my boyfriend every day for 7 months till I finally realized it).
so in a way, you're right, you are not pretty.
You are beautiful.
Maybe she just got broken up with, and was speculating on why. You never feel pretty after a break up. I'm sure she'll be alright.
Maybe she just got broken up with, and was speculating on why. You never feel pretty after a break up. I'm sure she'll be alright.
I feel your pain, dear. Only I realized it when I was eleven. Six sad, lonely years later, no one's yet to prove me wrong. But don't worry about it, you're not alone. and there's someone out there who thinks otherwise. I'm still waiting for mine, just be patient and wait for yours too.
Much love Tariq, the Avenue was wild.
Say hey to Oakland, I used to live on Birch Ct. right underneath the Rockridge BART.
aww that makes me sad. it makes me realize that maybe all the pretty popular girls that have everything have insecurities too. thanks
The Zulu don't have a word for "ugly" in their language. If God made it then it's beautiful.
Having said that, I lived in Santa Barbara, and if she is a dog, she hasn't got a chance.
It's hard to feel pretty in Southern California. So much there is based on looks and money.
It makes me wonder if she was told about herself... like that she doesn't have a pretty nature. You can be beautiful all day long and not be a pretty person. An ugly heart makes for an ugly person. And Sue, I'm glad to know I'm not the only Bunnee-Fan here.
Pretty is as pretty does...and I don't DO pretty!!!
Pretty fades...you'll be remembered for what you did and how you treated others...
i am in almost the same situation stephanie in asheville is. BUT there is someone who loves me as much as i love myself, and i love him back. true love always comes, and true love always loves you the way you are. inside and outside.
and jessicaPC: you're only 17 and you're still feeling lonely and desperately waiting? true love came to me when i was 18. we've been together for almost three years, and we love each other more and more each day. he loves me and finds me beautiful in every inch and every pound. and he happens to look like a prince charming. to me, at least. and that's what matters.
by the way, you don't need to be loved to feel beautiful. i started feeling beautiful when i was 17. good self-esteem was what just happened to bring the boyfriend, not viceversa.
Typical Santa Barbara girls...90% of them way 95 lbs and if most of their face hasn't been plastically altered they freak out and claim they aren't pretty. Shallow. So shallow.
I dont understand why girls are so hung up on their looks. I know some girls that are physically attractive but have the personality of an ass. Their egocenticity makes them the ugliest beings in the world. Its personality - not looks - that make a person beautiful.
She just realized that she wasn't pretty. Something had to have happened that day. Like Erin(the finder) said "I can't imagine why this realization occured in the library." I bet (hope) she figures out that whatever it was that happened, wasn't as life altering as she thought, and goes home and looks at herself and knows deep down inside that she is pretty.
This one made me sad. Real sad. I was thinking this today too and this note pretty much re-affirmed that.
I once got a fortune cookie that read: "everything has beauty but not everyone sees it" .... so, she's beautiful, but she just hasn't realized it yet :)
This breaks my heart. This IS however, how most young girls feel today and how most women do too.
We women owe it to our little girls, nieces, cousins, ect. to teach them self value, love and self-esteem.
No matter how old/young this person was/is- this breaks my heart.
Having just come back from a weekend training on mentoring teen girls, i see how easy it is to not feel "pretty" in a society where we're surrounded by images of the "perfect" (not!) look - size, hair, shape, personality etc.....
maybe she'll realize the truth one day.
maybe it's a thought process for an acting class.
mabye it's an idea for a fictional story.
maybe she will hear the song "Cuz you are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down!"
xoxo
This is so Post-Secret
I wonder what her definition of 'pretty' is. You ask around, and ppl have so many different answers, what one person finds ugly another finds gorgeous. We live in a diverse world with different thoughts and ideas, and it's a real shame that she can't see that.
This makes me remember how hard it is to be a teenaged girl. We were always so concerned with how we measured up to our friends and if boys wanted to date us. I remember asking my mother once if I was pretty, of course assuming she would reassure me as mothers are supposed to do. Instead she said, "You've just got to face it, you don't come from a good-looking family" (which was not true!). That comment haunts me into my 60s.
Has anyone here ever felt themselves loosing all definition of pretty? Like it's this entirely unattainable thing because it cant be defined? Make up and clothes cant always make you pretty, and simply being happy doesn't translate to physical beauty either. I suppose as long as we're loved it doesn't matter right?
no no, the point is she used to be vain and think herself pretty. This realization is probably fleeting and nessicary.
i dont think you are pretty either. i think you are beautiful.
i'm pretty
That is probobly the worst feeling in the world. If you are ever feeling down, just remember that someone, somewhere thinks that you are head over heels gorgeous.
It's entirely possible she's right. There are ugly people. They exist, they're miserable, they are disrespected, and life doesn't always end like Cinderella.
I'd like to question that first letter. If it does say "I" then why is it so different from the "I" later on? Has someone else altogether realised this person is not pretty? Perhaps it's a lighter note than you first think...
I wish I was a boy who could kiss her just to prove how beautiful she was. To help her realize she is.
10 bucks says that she actually thinks she is very pretty, and just wrote this so that that she could hand it to some poor boy who would tell her that she is pretty. bitch.
Reality sux, doesn't it?
i go to school in santa barbara too and it's easy to feel that way. the place attracts the most gorgeous girls...you go there thinking you're pretty attractive, then realize compared to the mass amounts of beautiful girls that go there, you don't stand out at all...
I love how all the insensitive replies to this find are from men. While all the loving, caring and positive ones are from women.
And you assholes wonder why we don't find ourselves pretty?
I'm a UCSB-er too. it's definitely easy to feel poorly about yourself here what with all the skinny tanned blondes running around.
My first thought was that this was a film school student who was trying to develop her character. Strange huh?
she's probably right
ken -- in texas, you say? -- it figures you are...
Ironically, with 3 words, you revealed yourself as far the more unattractive individual.
She probably isn't pretty. She's probably beautiful. She'll realize it one day, hopefully not TOO late. Like everything else on this site, we shall never know.
I understand how she feels.
Sometimes I forget how ugly I am.