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January 30, 2009 |
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Paul?
FOUND by Sally
in Cambridge, UK
I found this on Chesterton Road next to Jesus Green.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
This could be a list of things he never wants to be accused of, or a list of things they hate. Poor Paul...
...Then again, this could be a list of things they really love, which would still be unfortunate for Paul.
"Oh, Paul, I love you. And dead people. Sexy, sexy dead people."
Necrophelia then STD's wouldn't that suck to explain to doctor. I got gonorrhea at the morgue
things to do on a rainy day?
If necrophilia is the only thing this person is sure about, I'm not too sure he or she is mentally stable...
Problems with necrophilia: you can get STDs, you can lose your virginity (unless you've already taken a trip to the graveyard earlier), and you might feel inclined to eat them afterwards, which just wouldn't do at all. Also, Paul has only recently died and you feel it would be disrespectful to him to disturb the rest of the corpses around him.
Looks like someone went to the dance party from a previous Find, got turned on but worries about catching something. He found Paul's dancing just...delicious. The fact that Paul is still a virgin adds a little extra spice to the feast...
things she/he does Not want in a spouse?
or
things Not to talk about on the first date(Paul being an ex)?
(though personally, I don't mind virgin cannibals)
@stuck in wonderland; you made me laugh out loud. way to make that first comment on the find count!
Common list of questions for a goth speed-dating session...
What does it say about me that my first reaction to this was to be impressed that they spelled "necrophilia" properly?
They blew it on "cannibalism," though.
I give it a 9 for creepy, a 10 for originality, and an 8 for creative non-sequiturs.
It's a list of things to do at the next birthday party/sleep-over...
Well, necrophilia being 'love of the dead,' the inclusion of Paul reminds me of the 'Paul is dead' theories back in the day when the Beatles were still the center of the musical world.
That would make it "STP's" rather than STD's, so that we're talking about whether one could take a set of 'Standard Temperature and Pressure' readings in order to study someone while he/she is losing his/her concert "Virginity" listening to McCartney and his band (whether or not 'Paul is dead').
"Canibalism" is as clear a reference to Cannabis as you're going to get from someone who has to make a list like this.
Or the whole thing could mean something else.
P.S. Paul will be dancing.
I second Monkey's comment - stuck in wonderland really nailed it today.
I'll take cannibalism, please?
What? This isn't a menu?
I'll take virginity for $1000 Alex
Remember to form your responses as a question.
dang, Night in gale...ya beat me to it!
(yes, but can he dance??)
Topic = Necrophilia
STDS
Question: Can you get STDs having sex with the dead?
Answer: Yes - but if your going to fuck a dead body do you really care?
VIRGINITY
Question: Can you lose your virginity on a corpse?
Living Female Answer: Yes - but only if Rigor Mortis has set in and is still set.
Generally a flaccid penis will not do the job. Also, If the body is in a deep state of decomposition the penis could break off in or around you. Be careful.
Live Male Answer: No - you can't take a dead girls virginity. The loss of virginity
would have to be considered consensual, and you would essentially be doing dead body
date rape - so take that under advisement.
Paul
Question: Can a person named Paul be into Necrophilia?
Answer: Sure.
Question: Is it ok to have sex with a dead guy named Paul?
Answer: No. Does it really matter what his name is? Fucking a dead body is never a good idea.
Cannibalism
Question: If you go down on a corpse is it considered Cannibalism?
Answer: Maybe. It depends how carried away you get giving head to dead body.
There's a place called "Jesus Green"?
@Brain Problem, I just can't even try to top yours. Perfect.
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
Two necrophiliacs were walking down the street. They passed by a funeral home. One said to the other "Wanna stop in for a cold one?"
What a horrible list. I'm really rather disturbed that next to "STDs" and "Cannibalism" is "Paul". What has Paul done to be under the heading "Necrophelia"?
PS all the dead-people-sex jokes are just disturbing.
Cranberry Sauce
Great topics for your next essay!
hey, someone found my new year's resolution list! i simply must give up necrophilia before i get an std or it turns me into a cannibal.
i'm definitely considering giving up my virginity...but decided absolutely NOT with paul...that boy CAN NOT dance!
So how come necrophilia's the only one without a question mark?
Two cannibals in the car, at the full service station.
Cannibal #1, gesturing at the station attendant: "Don't eat those.. they give you gas!"
--
Jeffrey Dahmer's mom, at dinner: "Jeffrey, I don't like your new friend."
Jeffrey: "fine then. Just eat the salad."
(ba doom boom.)
This might have been written by two people. Why the switch from cursive to print? Or possibly a case of multiple personalities...
Not your ordinary shopping list...This is just...I don't even have the words to express how creepy this makes me feel. Don't they realize they can still get 'panty crickets' from a dead person? guhross.
@ Hiplainsdrifter
I think I'm going to puke up everything I just ate.
@Susie - Are you a cannibal?
This sounds like a very rough draft for an essay:
The top is necrophilia; issues to address regarding love of dead people would be - can you get an STD? Can you take a dead virgin's virginity if he/she is dead? Would being a necrophile lead to cannabilism (I can't spell that!)? And Paul is someone to talk to about that subject.
Wow, sounds like it's going to be a great essay!
@ Red Sunshine ... that was one of my working hypotheses about this list, too. Except I think it was written by a divinity student.
Seminar paper topic is necrophilia. Writer needs to check the STD (Doctor of Sacred Divinity) dissertations in the library. Also needs to research any connections with or differences from Roman vestal virgins at 'pagan temples'. Saint Paul might have had something to say about all this, so that has to be checked. And that leads to Roman criticisms of early Christianity that said the believers might be cannibals (another kind of oddball practice), so throw that in to round out the paper.
I'll take, "Reason to leave my boyfriend," for $1,000.
I'm glad she is finding the courage to leave- 'cause this seems like the kind of guy that wouldn't even have porn on his side in an argument.
Well. Maybe Fetish porn. Maybe.
Paul is a necrophiliac who likes to steal the virginity of dead bodies while also contracting STDs and getting a bit carried away and eating the corpses???
Paul sounds like a great guy.
Maybe I'll try to look for him at the morgue on my Tuesday night Necromancer meetings.
Paul was cool when I met 'im, but I think I like 'im better dead.
Or if Gnarls ain't your thing, give "Only Dead Girls Like Me" a listen.
This looks like something that might have been found in Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment.
Looks like a list of topics you do NOT want to raise during a first (or any other) date, with "Paul" being a reference to the founding of the Christian religion.
Now, why you'd need a reminder not to bring up your interests in sexual depravity and gnosticism on a date is another question ...
They were obviously attending a Necrophilia seminar and wanted the speark to address these concerns during the following Q&A session.
1. Can you get an STD from a dead body?
2. If the body was a virgin at death and you have sex with it, is it still a virgin?
3. Is my friend Paul a necrophiliac?
4. Does necrophilia lead to cannibalism?
Sorry, I meant SPEAKER not SPEARK. Don't know how I did that.
Notes for a novel by Simon Rees. (No, you won't have heard of him, but some of them are set in Cambridge.) I used to live within dog-walking distance of Jesus Green, by the way. Hi, Sally!
Paul is my ex-husband.
Honestly, there is a completely normal explanation.
Topics for a research paper. The person obviously wanted to be original/freak out or annoy her teacher.
DUH. :P
(or his teacher)
OK, so this isn't the non-sequitur that it's being billed as, but watch "Kissed". Speaking of necrophilia. It's a GREAT flick.
"One of these things is not like the other..."
Does three out of five count?