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December 19, 2008 |
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A Christmas Greeting
FOUND by Brandon Goldsberry
in Davenport, Iowa
Found this on a shelf in the business section at a bookstore a couple weeks before Christmas. It's written on the back of a bank deposit receipt. The account balance was $1,663.47.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
You're a dumbass for showing me your account balance.
Happy Hannukah
You're a dumbass for giving me your account number.
Happy Winter Solstice
Such an odd location for that note. I'm really wondering how it got there. Why did they hold onto it long enough to drop it in the bookstore?
I wonder just how bad this person's parking job was.
Maybe they were actually parked on the shelf...
Double parked outside the bank on the way to the bookstore?
The spirit of blunt honesty is in the air (read: you suck for parking like this), but so is forgiveness (read: Merry Christmas). I hope the bad parker buys a Christmas goose with all the trimmings for those who were injured by his/her wrongs.
Happy holidays to all the Tiny Tims and Scrooges and Cratchits out there!
This is actually the title of a lesser-known Charles Dickens novel from the 1860s.
That 'Christmas Carol' thing with the heroic businessman Ebenezer Scrooge, haunted in his dreams by a series of ghosts (and in his waking life by that grasping, ungrateful clerk Bob Crachit) -- that story had sold well enough that Dickens wanted to do a follow-up, a sequel if you will. If it were ever filmed, it would be called "Christmas Carol: II".
The premise is that the Crachit takes Scrooge for all he's worth in a Ponzi-scheme, buys a load of imported consumer goods including a large 4-horse carriage, and takes to lording it over their former neighbors in London. The climax comes when they park the carriage in front of Scrooge's new living quarters, a dark hovel in the basement of the neighborhood poor house. Coming out one day to start his morning rounds begging for pennies, Scrooge is faced with a pile of steaming horse droppings left on the pavement by the Crachit-mobile. Scrooge shouts the immortal words "You're a dumbass for parking like this. Merry Christmas!!" to nobody in particular, while trying to scrape off his worn out boots.
Young Timothy Crachit hears him, tosses a 5 pound note into Scrooge's tin cup and feels pretty self-satisfied about it. Scrooge, however, uses the money to turn his life around (yet again), becomes a railroad tycoon, and in the quintessential Dickens-ian ending is riding the rails one Christmas day in his cherry-panelled coach when the engine smashes the Crachit carriage to pieces, killing all inside.
The person who wrote this note was clearly looking for a copy of the book in the bookstore.
@ Librarian
In the words of Mr. Burns "EXCELLENT!!!"
I, however, am thinking this is tha same
Mr. Magoo - who just got done parking their piece of shit down to the Roadrunner Market, and just popped in to the bookstore to get some good light reading on Machiavellian business practices...
I love this! I often leave notes like this for people as well; hopefully one day I will see one of mine on here...
Christmas Carol: II Electric Boogaloo
@ Hiplainsdrifter ... You're right, it could well be connected with the Roadrunner Market parking manuscript. I'll look into it.
All the Bankers down in Bankville liked Christmas a lot, but the Dumbass, who lived just north of Bankville, did not.
The Dumbass hated Christmas — the whole Christmas season. Oh, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or maybe his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
But I think that the best reason of all may have been that his parking space was two sizes too small.
Happy Festivus!
Love these passive/aggressive notes.
You're a dumbass for leaving a note that calls someone a dumbass and then wishes them a merry christmas
I've left notes on cars that say this:
You're a dumbass for leaving your dog in the car on a hot day like this.
(Even when you just run into the store for 10 minutes).
Hooray! I don't have to go out today! I don't have to drive! I don't have to park! I don't have to witness bad parkers and mean parking-note writers out there on the parking lots!
On second thought.. maybe I'll take the car out and go out do some donuts down at the local grocery store. Make circles in the snowy parking lot. After crashing into the crazies who left their vehicles parked in my way, I'll leave a mean note. Yeah. Good idea!
Librarian you're in fine form today!! Your short stories/movie plots are definitely entertaining reads for someone snowed in! :)
YES!! That's me!! The EXTREME dumbass.
And damn proud of it!
Happy Hannukah, too
Where I live, to make a deposit you have to fill in your full name, account number and signature.
And we use this to insult someone on the reverse. The insulted person now has all the personal data he needs to steal your identity.
Who's the dumbass now, asswhole?P
Some of you are not paying attention, or don't know the difference between a deposit *slip* and a deposit receipt.
To make a deposit, yes, generally you have to provide your name and account number on the deposit slip.
Then, once you have *made* the deposit, you are usually given a receipt showing only a record of the transaction and your new account balance.
I have accounts at four different banks, and not one of them provides sensitive info on the receipt - probably for this very reason, that people tend to stuff them into wallet or purse and lose them or use them as scratch paper.
The back receipts look very much like receipts printed at ATMs or the pay-at-the-pump gas station: date, location of bank, cashier/clerk information, transaction number, amount and type of transaction, current balance, and *maybe* the last four digits of the account affected. Usually some advertising or generic "keep giving us your money" on the bottom, but nothing that could be used for identity theft.
A friend went to IKEA in Vancouver one morning. The parking lot wasn't cleared of snow so she parked in line with the other cars. When she came out the snow had melted and she had a note like this on her windsheild.
Her 5-year old son asked, "What's that mommy?"
She tried to hide her surprise and said, "Oh it's a note wishing us a Merry Christmas."
actually to park on a bookshelf in the middle of a bookstore without the clerk noticing requires Machiavellian genius. as well as a healthy streak of insanity.
clearly this is the work of a Mad scientist and part of intricate subtle plan for world domination. the note was obviously a clever ruse to transfer the necessary funds for the construction of the Death ray (or whatever). fortunately the plot has been foiled by the finder. their vigilance in posting this online has undoubtedly saved the world and because of their brave actions, even as i write this, Superheros are almost certainly descending on the Dastardly Arch-criminal's underground lair!
Thank you finder, for making the world safe for democracy yet again!
(Librarian that was EPIC by the way! I bow to you, my Master!)
Maybe the antagonistic note-writer did not actually leave the note on the car as they intended, but, in the forgiving Christmas spirit, just kept it crumpled in their mittened fist when they went into the bookstore, and while perusing the shelves in search of tips on how to be more assertive in the work place left it, abandoned and forgotten, on the shelf of "Buisiness for Dummies."
I wish I had found this - the intro would have read -
A Christmas Admonishment
FOUND by Santa Claus in The North, Pole
Found this on my sleigh after delivering toys to the "Crabby" family. This dink is getting coal only on his mantle - not even a freakin' stocking!
I've often felt tempted to leave notes like this on some peoples' cars. But I don't want someone's car getting keyed. Sometimes you just have to let people be stupid.
@ Coyote ... danke schoen!
I'll bet anything the dumb-ass was driving a dumb-ass SUV while blathering away on a dumb-ass cell phone complaining about how his dumb-ass mortgage on his dumb-ass McMansion is killing him.
Librarian, de nada (so you're multi lingual too?)
Is the bank slip from Chicago? I honestly think I wrote this. Seriously. I don't think it was my bank slip however. I think it was one I found on the ground.