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October 01, 2008 |
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I Believe That Animals Should Not Be Killed
FOUND by Brian Botts
in Lexington, Kentucky
Found this in a random book at Goodwill.
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Good Doggie June 02, 2006 |
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Tough Bounce October 10, 2004 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
peta would be so proud.
Dear Animal Rights Person,
Please come and spay the coyotes and raccoons and squirrels and skunks and rats and other adorable pests that regularly overpopulate in urban and suburban areas, attack my and my neighbors' pets, gnaw through wiring, dig holes everywhere, chew holes in our houses, strew our trash up and down the street sometimes even when we put it in metal cans with latching lids, and in general make nuisances of themselves. Bring lots of live traps. You'll need them.
Also, please tell us what we should do about the deer that DO occasionally overpopulate and die of black tongue disease; I personally would love to reintroduce wolves and other predator species, but I don't think that would really go over well, and the parkland is too small and disjointed for that to be a workable solution anyway. A gazillion deer can live in a park the size of a postage stamp, apparently. One wolf will instinctively wander off, then it will scare some rube and get shot.
P.S.
I hope you've got loving homes lined up for all those critters once they're neutered. They're cute and all, but I don't want them released back onto my property.
And good luck spaying enough mice to make a dent. I mean it. They're tiny. Unless you want to give them all little birth control pills every day. Perhaps a rodent version of Norplant.
Love not so much,
BZ
The previous Find was a note-to-friend; this one is an attempt to get the writer's values across in speech or composition class. But "everhow?" Where did that come from? Syllabic dyslexia is a new trend...
If this is for Composition class, you have one heckuva run-on sentence there, the end of which cracks me up. "Why would we want to slaughter them and leave them for buzzards and/or taxidermics." Ah yes...the taxidermics, that nomadic tribe of warriors who wander the green spaces of the earth looking for slaughtered animals to stuff and mount. Sometimes they have to engage in hand-to-hand battles with buzzards to wrest their prizes from the jaws of scavengers, but it's all worth it. You can see the fruits of their labours in any sporting-goods store.
Random is right.
@Blaze, well put again.
the reason people kill off animals when their species gets over populated is for the species own good. over population of a species (generally caused by loss of natural predators/being introduced to an environment they don't belong in, or other actions of humans) causes disease to spread and/or a shortage of food/territory, both of which result in many MORE of the animals dying slow and painful deaths. And it causes Other species who share the habitat to suffer and die out.
The spay/neutering enough of a species to actually reduce it's numbers idea is an absurdly impossible idea. who's going to pay for the time, supplies and personal to catch, spay and tag, thousands of deer in over populated area?s
how about the hundreds of thousands of rabbits that can destroy farms, and kill out other species by eating all the natural food sources?
AND what about the MILLIONS of rats in cities across the world?
I tell you what, anyone who really thinks that's the answer, I'll Buy you a book on neutering animals and a knife, you feel free to go to New York and get started on that rat over population.
p.s, well it was easy to spot todays Found theme.
Ahahahaha! @ sick in tired.
"Taxidermics." They are my new favorite sports team. GO 'DERMS!
I suppose it would blow this person's mind if I mentioned that I know some vegetarian taxidermists who recycle fresh roadkill to make art, huh?
They're probably depriving the buzzards and flies of food, those evil frankensquirrel-making jerks.
This must be a report for school. (I'm thinking of Ralphie from "A Christmas Story" receiving the assignment of a "theme")
I don't have a problem with this because it is not sanctimonious like Hippie-girl's note. I think this kid simply had to write a paper on a topic and, through ignorance or simply to attain the mandatory word count, he included some silly ideas.
I want to tell the writer his paper showed that he could describe a problem and give some solutions. I want to tell Hippie-girl to be quiet and go cook me some bacon.
I hate people like this. I don't eat animals, I don't wear fur, I don't use things tested on animals. But I don't give a shit what other people want to do, at the end of the day they will carry on regardless. I remember telling someone I was a vegetarian when I was a teenager, and he turned round and say "I vow to eat twice as much meat now to make up for that which you don't consume". Good for you, maybe heart disease is in fashion, I don't care.
Everybody is entitled to live however they like, eat and wear what they like. Although I do think I have more respect for people who kill, prepare and skin animals themselves for their own use than say....Jlo. Could you imagine JLo killing and skinning the chinchillas she wears? No. Could you imagine that disgusting obese child in McDonalds killing and dismembering the cow his burger is made from? No.
People should have more knowledge and respect for where their animal products come from. Ignorance breeds hatred.
What wearies me beyond expression is the sanctimonious sort of veggier-than-thou person who declares that they have "saved the lives of 200 animals a year by not eating them." No, you haven't. Those animals will go through the slaughterhouse and end up on supermarket shelves whether you buy them or not. It's not like chickens, cows and pigs come with a number assigned to each human at birth.
"Oh this cow was meant to be eaten by 7893AZ, and that person's gone vegetarian--back to the pasture with you, Bossy! You're freeee!"
Not really.
Say it. You don't like meat. Or you choose not to eat meat. It's a choice, not a religion.
1. i eat animals, they are tasty.
2. i changed careers (biologist to art-teacher) because i was having moral issues about the amount of wildlife used for 'research' specimins. (or so some kid could take apart a sea urchin.... lab animals are different)
3. i live in the land of factory farms specializing in pigs-n-turkeys. you can buy *any* part of a p-n-t at local groceries. you haven't lived until you have seen shrink-wrapped chicken heads next to the nuggets.
4. i think *this* author was refering to hunters who shoot-n-leave without using the kill. deer are tasty, so are rabbits, ducks, quail...but it's not if they were going to waste. there will be some very happy vultures and bacteria partying on. (it's like golden corral for them)
5. i have a mouse problem but i use micecubes- strictly catch and release...far, far away.
6. so, am i a hippie?
1. I'm still trying to figure out the connection between today's two Finds. Anyone notice anything similar about them?
2. Yeah, ever try getting rats (the rodent kind, not the blind-date-gets-you-drunk-and-takes-a-picture-of-yo kind) to wear condoms? Not easy.
3. I just heard today about a guy who live traps squirrels and paints their tails white before releasing them far away. The ones that eventually make it back to his yard, he lets stay 'because they're smart.' I don't think he eats the others, though.
Again...thanks ya'll!!!!!!!!!!
Awww, let's have a little more sympathy toward this writer. He/she was probably very young when this was written. He/she likes animals, and wants kind and humane treatment of them (admirable) but does not yet know how or in what practical capacity. This note was simply the writer trying to figure out, exactly, what he/she really wants.
There are plenty of flies and mosquitoes that I may kill them ever how I wish.
Sounds like a Miss USA Pageant on-stage speech. "Such as...such as....the poor people in Africa...."
Does anyone have that hilarious link the the pageant girl speech from last year?
In keeping with today's theme:
http://tinyurl.com/2nlfww
So, will ya be supporting Sarah Palin?
This was painful to read. Don't the kids know that the entire purpose of writing a paper in high school is to bullshit (pedantic bullshittery?) your way through it in order to convince the teacher that you're actually semi-intelligent? Come on, kid, put forth some effort! Dazzle me.
I like Ever how, though- and I REALLY like the term "syllabic dyslexia". Is that a real term, or did you make it up on the fly, sick in tired?
Mmmm, they taste good here too.
Shame on you Fooch.
Do you really think that deer would remember to take the Pill every day even if they COULD work the dispensers with their hooves?
@Grumpy: Thank you, that was excellent! It made me think of this song from the olden days:
http://tinyurl.com/4lwwyv
Natural selection: buzzards and taxadermics
I love the irony of darkshine's comments, opening with "I hate people like this" and closing with "Ignorance breeds hatred."
It seems I've either typed or said the following phrase a lot in the last few days (which I've totally stolen from a T shirt I saw): Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.
Also, I would like to reference something else I saw on the interwebs a few months ago. It seems 2 roommates were arguing because something inappropriate was placed on a composting pile. In a note, the meat-eater called the vegan a "soyfucker" and signed his note with, "Bacon is life"!
Mmmmmm...bacon.
@Night in gale--Everyone knows that deer should be fitted with an IUD! (I had a mental picture of deer trying to open those little plastic packages and it cracked me up!)
Why is everybody so defensive today?
How exactly is it that "not hunting animals would hurt the sport"?
At least around here there are scads of deer hunters who buy their annual licenses, spend a weekend in the woods with their buddies, drink a pile of beer when they aren't up in their deer stands, and never shoot their rifles. And they're quite happy with "the sport".
Terrie, these folks don't seem defensive to me. Hell, I've been laughing my ass off.
@Writhing: I guess you could say I "made up" syllabic dyslexia as a term, on the fly, by the seat of my loose sweatpants (sorry, TMI)...it just popped out of my...well, fingertips...as I was typing. But, really--"everhow"? Surely not a regionalism? I've translated it back into all the languages I speak and find no equivalent.
Go ahead and use it if you want...as long as no one accuses me of sanctimonious bullshittery, I'm happy.
To all those with a sense of humour, may I recommend The Arrogant Worms' song, "Carrot Juice is Murder". You can download it off their website.
I once posted it on a vegetarian website and it went over like a lead balloon. Apparently they didn't grok that the AWs themselves are vegetarians, they just don't take themselves too seriously.
If no one hunted deer, there'd be a population explosion of panty crickets. I, for one, would not care to see that happen (again).
lol @ veggier than thou.. omg i love that.
I believe we need to start imposing stiffer jail sentences on the carnivors who keep killing innocent animals.
Hawk kills rabbit = 20 years / no parole.
At least note-writer didn't use "spade" in lieu of "spay."
I hate that.
Night in gale, thank you! It's been years since I've heard that. Funny vid, too!
Actually, Elley Mental, it is "spade" vs "spayed".
That buzzert Steve, I'd like to send him to my taxidermist and watch him get stuffed.
Re:
http://www.foundmagazine.com/comments/4721
soy burgers or bison burgers
our value does not come from what we eat, but from how we act.
BTW - Where's Mr Met?
I've always heard that "vegatarian" is translated from the old Native American word meaning "bad hunter".
actually, Grumpy, it's spayed. the past tense of 'to spay'
my husband (and lots of other bikers who shop in the same place he does) calls himself a
vagitarian.
@Grumpy: I'm a veterinarian. I spay animals. Once I have done this, they are/have been spayed. Trust me. "Spade" is a noun.
Yup, Mona, that's what I type: spayed. Did it just this weekend: spayed a feral kitten. And we're in agreement on "to spay", too. It's just grand when we all agree. =)
better not kill them, but they sure as hell should not be able to get it on?
very nice, maybe some one will neuter you.
I'm with you, too, Bats. Spade is a shovel, a card suit, a racial slur. I'm sure there are more.
Perhaps I didn't phrase my statement to Elley Mental correctly: spade is a homomym of spayed, not of spay.
Better?
Vey. I hope my students don't turn in this kind of rambling, illogical, grammatically incorrect mess when it comes time to do our "argument" papers. Oof.
Thanks for the nightmares Found.
"Oh! The theme I've been waiting for all my life. Listen to this sentence: "I believe this because with all the technology we have today we should be able to slow down their reproductive system or even spay some of the species and leave others fertile to keep the animal from extinction and also animals have become very beneficial in out lives why would we want to slaughter them and leave them for the buzzards / or taxadermies". Poetry. Sheer poetry, Ralph! An A+"
This will never work. The aliens have already tried catch, spay, then release with the most over-populated animal on the planet: man. And hell, we're everywhere and a lot of us are fat and slow. There's simply too many of us, just like there would be with the deer, squirrells, mice, etc... etc... and they're much faster and craftier. Plus, aliens got all that technology and stuff, and they can't even do the job. What have they got? Crazy lasers and space-age tinfoil ans ships that travel at the speed of light. What have we got in relation? A rusty Swiss knife and a coathanger. And while we have explored the lucrative art of human taxidermy, as in the successful "Bodies" exhibit, it's very time consuming to encase a whole dude in plastic. Wax is much better, but doesn't last as long, and that's not even the point. The point is: your idea is stupid, use some common sense. This will never work.
THanks. it does appear that your comment did confuse me, as well as confusing that veterinarian.
"I believe the children are our future."
Everhow...
@Still Wishing, I heart you.
Srsly.
Grumpy: I will be eternally indebted to you for showing me that cows with guns video. It is literally the FUNNIEST thing I have ever seen.
"Bad cow pun" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's getting emailed around the office.
Cows With Guns has been a favorite of mine for years and is a must-have for anyone that loves a good pun (or six or twelve.)
@ Grumpy - I understand the concept of "spade" vs "spayed". Thanks anyway.
My point was -- In almost any classified ads section under Pets for Sale, some poor soul will inevitably use "spade" in the active sense instead of "spay" as in: "WE WILL SPADE THE FEMALES FOR YOU" or "SPADE AND NEUTER YOUR PET!" which is even worse than the transgression of using "spade" in lieu of "spayed."
There's a taxidermist not too far from my house with a large sign in the yard that reads: "Realistic Taxidermy." My question is, what other kind is there? Maybe the type where they dress up a duck in a sailor suit or mount a striped bass with a rod and reel under his fin and a little hat that says "A bad day fishing beats a good day at work"?
Is this vegetarian day?! Long Live the Vegetarians!
I meant to add:-
Vive La Revolucion!
I just realized that this whole page has only 2 1/2 sentences written on it. Looks like it should have a whole lot more, hey? Granted, that last section could be a sentence if only it had a period (or full stop, if you prefer) at the very end. Then it could have 3 sentences.
Sarah Palin would be so annoyed that our country's youth don't support things like this:
http://tinyurl.com/6s42tp
@ Pastor Z
There is a little place in SC called Dillon, and in that little place there is a gas-station, and in the gas station there are WHOLE DIORAMAS of oppossums dressed up as famous people- think elvis, marilyn etc.
it's quite beyond words.
We're ALL tasty animals.
(and here's mr. met:)
http://foundmagazine.com/comments/214
Lot's of negativity in these posts.
@Monkey "The reason people kill off animals when their species gets over populated is for the species own good."
So would you agree with this change in the Find writer's first sentence:
-I believe that Humans should be killed or slaughtered ... to reduce the population of the species.
As you say it would be for the good of the species.:)
Oh, and everyone should lay off the writer of this Find, he or she was probably in 5th or 6th grade when it was written. It shows a reasonable, thought out argument for a kid that age, INHO.
Peace y'all
@ Smallbear - I appreciate your positive view of our nations children. That said, teaching composition at Community College has taught me not to be surprised if a first (or second, or even third) draft resembles this work in it's lack of clarity and Palin-like rambling.
Dear Jr. PETA member,
It's called culling.
Also, could you please neuter the fruit flies that are infesting the place? I wish to reduce that species' population, but killing them is wrong. :( Meanwhile, we could leave the bot flies fertile. They're fun. That way I wouldn't have to flatten the fruit flies for sport.
kthanx
A vegetarian spider?! Oh, how rich!
WORD SISTA/BROTHA! that didn't really make sense but i agree, i am a vegetarian :D
Yeah, Smallbear, anytime the Find of the Day involves a divisive issue, the Found Commenters tend to get really feisty.
divisive issues may include, but are not limited to...
books, reading and literacy,(anyone remember the Book List comments last year? http://foundmagazine.com/comments/1207.)
vegetarianism (obviously)
politics
religion
drug addiction/chemical dependency.
All the preachifyin' and speechifyin', and sanctimonious bullshittery... People can get downright MEAN.
It's a RIOT!! Woomuthaf*ckinHoo! Aren't you glad you Found Foundmagazine?
@ hell to the no: no shame in me.
AND (Drumroll...) Mona Lisa: vagitarian!! OMG!! I am laughing out loud and rolling around in my polar bear rug.
(hee hee)
Baby Basil, AW are hilarious!
Fooch...very funny! I almost choked on my jerky reading your comment on Sarah Palin.
And Mona Lisa...vagitarian....that has to be the best..
Apparently, most topics are divisive on this site. However, I love it that most don't take themselves too seriously.
Or do you and I am too busy laughing my ass off to care??
I've been through Dillon on many occasions. It's about 45 minutes from here.
@Rollin' around naked: thanks for the trip down memory lane on "One Down." It was a red pen day, too, and I didn't even know what that meant last Fall. Ha!
Hey Brian Botts, thanks for submitting this Find. We sure got our money's worth today, eh?
8-)
LOL Away, LOLita.. I tend to think that some of the people here take themselves (and everyone else) very seriously.. but in my personal experience, when the Found Magazine comment board starts feeling like it's your "real life" and it REALLY matters what's going on in this little soap opera.. it's time to take a step back. (very difficult for a found junkie like me.)
just because it seems like no one's done it in a long time, and Brian Botts sounds like a wonderfully googlable name, doesn't it?
http://www.utata.org/members/book_slut/
(or, if that fails you,
http://tinyurl.com/brian-b
)
OH. MY. GOD.
Follow the link to his flickr site. And prepared to laugh your AO. Not kidding. It's Found Hevan.
People actually think that this is sparking a heated debate? I find it to be lukewarm at best...
@Smallbear;
close but a bit extreme.
for the human species over population problem I'd go with the note writers neutering idea...
humans have already been killing each other off without the excuse of "population control" needed, and it hasn't stopped our growth.
so obviously it's time to try the neutering out.
I'll bring the tranquilizer gun, you bring a book on amateur vasectomies.
I totally could have wrote this when I was in 5th grade.
I mean to say.
This is exactly the kind of thing I would have written then.
This reminds me of our daily journal entries we wrote in middle school. The teacher would write a prompt on the whiteboard, and we'd have to write our response. They were usually personally opinionated responses. This kid is obviously very sensitive towards animals. Big dreams, (sadly unrealistic).
I love animals too. Sadly, there's no way for everyone to stop hunting them. And people have eaten them for thousands of years. They're not going to stop now.