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October 24, 2008 |
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A Kid Raising Kids
FOUND by Marie
in Augusta, Maine
I found this note written on an envelope on the floor in my local post office. What I find interesting is the envelope has no address written on it. I wonder if it was ever got to the intended recipient or if it was just tossed. I feel bad for whoever wrote it.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Well, you shouldn't have had 5 kids at 13/14 years old, Mr. Radley. Especially when you knew you had an incontinent, narcoleptic boozehound for a mother.
Forgiving your mom doesn't mean it's ok what she did. Forgive her so you can begin to heal.
Flargy, what is with you and Boo Radley references?
Sad find, and sad it was crumpled on the floor, though that doesn't surprise. Probably something that should be said out loud.
The kids were the brothers and sisters he/she had to raise cause mom sucked. I say fuck you too! take that loser parent.
I'm not a licensed therapist, but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so here goes:
The writer of this note should tell her mom to stop being a selfish drunk and take responsibility for her actions. Then the writer should contact whatever Youth and Family Services they have there to report the neglect of her siblings. Then the writer should move in with a relative to have a better chance at a normal life.
Plan B: go on Jerry Springer. Or Maury if you want to run DNA tests to see how many fathers there are.
Remember, they're not teasing you; they're calling your name. "Boo!"
reminds me very much of my mothers "childhood".
after her mother died, she was left pretty much the whole responsibility of raising her five siblings at around the same age as the notes author. their father was still around, but he mostly checked out on his kids. he provided a house and just enough money for her to buy food, that was about it.
of course there were other ways that he failed them other then just the neglect, but that's the basics.
But instead of hating her failed parent as the note writer, my mother forgave him (when in his old age he got around to re-connecting with his family) and spent most of the last few years of his life helping to take care of him.
not all the siblings let go of the past as well though, one of my uncles I've never even met because he not only disowned his father, but the whole family as well. the other siblings covered the whole range of forgiving and bitterness, but were all still involved in his final years and helped out.
so I can understand fairly well what this finds author went through, and why they fairly feel that way.
This is the kind of thing that therapists will sometimes tell you to write and then NEVER EVER SEND. Like, I burned mine and pissed on the ashes. This person perhaps didn't address it but took it to the post office for that extra dash of verisimilitude.
I hope this person was in therapy, and is doing well, and I hope that their alcoholic, incontinent mother is no longer a part of their life.
Come on, boo, don't hold back, tell her how you really feel!
Incidently, I wonder at what age boo wrote that note.
I would say the writer wrote this as an adult. The sort of therapy exercise Blaze mentions. However, the serious crumpling and no destruction may mean that the mother got it, read it and tossed it. There's a lot of "fuck you" in those creases. Granted, the writer could have crumpled the note, but I can't see the author tossing it in a public place. Down a sewer, yes. Where anyone could pick it up, no.
Living with a drunk is a nightmare. Taking a drunken adult's place and raising their family doubly so.
Good luck in life, Boo. Move on. You did your best for your siblings, now do your best for you.
Chapeau.
@ baby basil: This note was folded many times, and not into a neat little square. It looks like it may have been crumpled as well, but those lines are from folds. Being time-consuming to make that many folks, I think Boo folded it up and didn't give it to mom. It's certainly a sad story though. I wish Boo all the best as well.
Our local handwriting analyst should have lots to say about the incredible downward slant of the writing. Depressed? Angry? Whatever it signifies, it's a 'downer'.
I know it's often good just to be able to express repressed feelings like these (even on paper, even if never sent), but I believe this note writer has got a lot more processing to do before it's over.
What does that say near the bottom? "I was a laid"?
I wonder about the possibility of the note-writer being an over-dramatic victim-type. No one's childhood is perfect, nor is it really supposed to be. I wonder if the note-writer is dramatizing/exaggerating some of her childhood memories to reflect a life of hardship, stuggle, and neglect. This might not have really been that bad.
But I could be wrong.
Wait, I just figured it out. It said, "I was a kid."
But I still feel like this is from a drama queen who wants someone to blame later in life. Mom's always a good choice.
"in the house w/o power" - at first I thought that meant "without the authority necessary" but now I'm also thinking it could be "without electricity".
Any chance this is an actor's note-to-self to help her get into character?
http://foundmagazine.com/find/455
too bad they all can't be this one, though:
http://foundmagazine.com/comments/3608
PS. Happy Mother's Day!
Flargy - I applaud your Boo Radley reference.
Wake up Boo...
Mothers will mess up their kids, no matter what they do (wrong, right, drunk, sober...)
They can never win.
BTW, if I had 5 kids and a house w/o power, I would stay in bed and drink, too. And wonder where the hell those kids came from...
so selfish. everything is me, me, me. where is the part where she gets help for herself and her siblings - and maybe even her mother while she's at it? the letter reads like the whining of an egocentric jerk who blames others for the cruel hand fate dealt her instead of sucking it up and learning how to live.
I thought it said "your little Boom". Don't really know why. I am just mad at the writer for writing all wonky on the envelope. Why does she write 13 and 14 twice? She shouldn't be that mad, she only had to take care of the kids for 2 years. Get over it and have a beer. Then piss the bed.
I don't believe in telling your parents how shitty they were--Why? so you can feel better by making them feel like shit? They probably already do. No, just accept that they're human beings and imperfect like the rest of them, they probably had no business having kids in the first place, and the siblings were probably better off in the care of a 13/14 yr old anyway. There comes a time to move on. Very few people grow up with Ward and June for parents.
You know the writer can choose to be pissed at old pissed mom. However, one could turn that around and say "You know, I learned responsiblilty at a really young age and it's been very benificial to me later on in life. Thanks you, pissed Mom!
I like what Terrie said. Let it go!
Boo,
You were adopted. Go get me some beer and cigarettes. Oh, and I almost forgot, change my sheets.
Mom
P.S.
Just to set the record straight, evidently I slur my words worse than I thought. I've actually been calling you "My little Boob" all these years. Well I'm running out of liquor store receipts to write on so hurry the hell up!
@ Mom in Augusta ... was that so you could holler "Hey, you suck, my little Boob" at your kid when criticizing the kid's parenting skills?
@A Girl in a Cube-
I don't see how anyone could exaggerate his/her mother pissing the bed...
"Oh, come on, Boo. You KNOW this hot water bottle leaks"?
"Boo, you remember how I sweat while I sleep? Well, last night was a real geyser!"
No.
@Mom in Augusta--Hi. Lar. I. Ous!
Dear Boo,
It's "despise" you lazy shiftless little twat,and if you hadn't dropped out of high school to go work next door as stripper you'd know that.
You know I was bedridden and incontintent after the birthing accident. Thank God that your father died in that autoerotic asphyxiation accident, and didn't have to see what a thankless bitch you turned out to be.
Now drop the emotional baggage and please come home and help me take care of the quintuplets you angry little whore - the place is a mess!
XOXO, MOM
this could have been written by my oldest brother and really brings back some vivid memories.
good times. good times.
i miss you, boo.
Boo,
Are you still coming to rake leaves this Saturday?
Love,
Mom
PS. There's a six pack in it for you.
Mim, there is a possibility that Mom never pissed the bed at all, and Boo is just making stuff up to be mad about-- that would kind of go along with the "blame others, but I'm a saint" mentality.
But who knows for sure?
Ah, god, this note hits close to home. Don't really get why so many of you assume it's exaggerated or made up. Shit like this does indeed happen, and far too frequently.
yes, shit like this does happen, sadly. Does that make it ok to write all askew on the discarded envelope? no, it does not.
Nightingale - because Boo Radley is one badass motherfucker. A real American Hero, if you will.
I wonder why some of you are so offended by someone writing about what a crappy childhood they had. If it's exaggerated, then, yeah, it's stupid. If it's accurate, what's wrong with writing about things that bother you? Maybe the author needed to get these feelings out to move on. Some of the comments make it seem like you're bothered by your own parenting skills being questioned. And no, I'm not trying to be a troll.
hmm: I'm not bothered by my parenting skills, I'm a good parent--not the best one, but a good one still. Were my parents good parents? Hell no. And it's probably their fault I'm so messed up, but I'm not going to call them up and tear them a new one, thinking it's going to change anything about me or change anything at all. I'm sure they already blame themselves for plenty. And I'm an adult, it's now MY responsibility to make right whatever I feel is screwed up about me, fault is irrelevant.
@ Girl in a cube.
Count yourself lucky that shit didn't happen to you! Nightmares like this happen every day, and people don't make this up just to get attention. What is wrong with you?
This looks like a note written by the author with no intent of sending. I hope it helped.
Funny, one of my best friends grew up taking care of her younger siblings because her mother was on the couch checked out all the time. She lives near Augusta, but the handwriting is way off. (She also learned to spell despite her upbringing.) I'm pretty sure she let go of her anger a long time ago, though.
@ Feeling in coherent, How do you know I didn't?
And I'm just saying there's a --possibility-- that this might not be an honest note, and an equal possibility that it is true. Like I said before, who knows for sure? There are a lot of liars and manipulators out there-- count yourself lucky if you don't know any.
Therein lies the the reason I don't travel to central/northern Maine. My best guess is that mom's drink of choice was Allen's Coffee Brandy chased with a deck of Marlboro Lights.
Come to think of it...my friend Ned just came back from Augusta & now all he can do is squeal like a pig.
One other note, and some reading material for those interested.
"People don't make stuff up just to get attention."
Sadly, they do. That comment, Feeling, reminded me of an article I read earlier this week. Not quite the same topic as having shitty parents, but in my opinion, something way worse-- "just to get attention."
http://www.aolhealth.com/condition-center/brea
http://www.aolhealth.com/condition-center/breast-ca
Why won't it paste the damn link!
www.aolhealth.com/health/faking-breast-cancer
@A girl in a cube:
I think YOU just want to get attention...how many posts you put up here? 6?
Yep, it happens, just like that. There is NO excuse for making a 13-year-old live in a house without power while having her childhood yanked away and being forced into adulthood without any choice while her momma lays up and shits the bed, drunk. None. What. So. Evar. However, just to be fair, I hope that sorry ass bitch of a momma manages to find some kind of a peace after she gets back the exact same thing she gave those kids. But most of all, somehow, I hope this author learned her worth as a human being and how to rise about it all.
What would be the point of writing a fake letter such as that only to toss it? What would the pay-off be if no one saw it?
Though liars do exist, those types of things happen & then some.
I hope it helped the author to excise such sad feelings & memories..
This note makes me thankful I had the Mother I did. I miss her everyday.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
My mother was an alcoholic, so I can relate to whatever anger or pain the note writer feels. It was twenty-five years ago yesterday that she died, and though I forgave her a long time ago, some of the collateral damage is still there, and probably always will be. I hope the note writer was able to make peace with his/her feelings.
Sorry for the lack of levity in today's comment.
My mother was an alcoholic, so I can relate to whatever anger or pain the note writer feels. It was twenty-five years ago yesterday that she died, and though I forgave her a long time ago, some of the collateral damage is still there, and probably always will be. I hope the note writer was able to make peace with his/her feelings.
What I'm doing now as a parent, is trying to make sure my girls have a better home life than what their father had. Which reminds me... I'm going to turn off this computer and go play with my four-year-old. See ya later!
Sorry for the double post!
Truly...a very depressing letter of one's feelings, emotions, and deceipt.<----sp?
@Girl in a cube
By saying that there is a "possibility" that this was real, you imply that it was most likely fake. And you went out of your way (with you breast cancer article) to find one example out of millions of actual cases. I guess that should make us doubt all the rest of those cancer victims. "Get out of bed you lazy-ass fakers!"
I feel bad for the mom.
Maybe she is mostly over this and this is her process of working through her anger. The whole writing a letter you never send is a very common way of doing that, and the blank envelope really speaks to that. So it's nice that the rest of you have your lives together but I'd like to think that this person is trying to get there too. Give them a break.
Oh my goodness. I could have easily written this note about 17 years ago.
Sad....