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September 20, 2008 |
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I Will Find a Way
FOUND by Carpl
in Tennessee
Years ago, I knew a mentally handicapped fellow that would walk by my home almost daily. One day I went for the mail and found this lying on my driveway. I was moved with sadness for him because I knew he wanted to share his frustration with someone... but who could understand or do anything about it? I kept it to remind myself of the hard struggles in those who are suffering so much inside.
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Use Your Eyes! April 12, 2008 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Why didn't the finder take the time to listen to the writer, esp since she felt such sympathy for him? If he was bright enough to spell, form, write and conceptualize this note, he probably could share his thoughts and feelings.
More disturbing than the note is the fact that the finder knew who dropped it and did nothing about it.
Who keeps reminders of another's suffering?
You got that right, Night in gale, that's pretty sick.
is it an indication of our prosperity that we need to keep personal reminders that other people suffer? perhaps the finder should move to india, or detroit or open his/her eyes and ears
I hope this isn't the beginning of "Suicide Note Week" at Found. Publishing suicide notes on the weekend (when suicides often occur) is a tad irresponsible. All the people who are lonely often feel worse at the weekend because they aren't out socializing/dating/spending time with family or whatever. That's why many suicides (and attempts) take place at holidays or weekends.
How sad is this? I agree with Grumpy and Night in gale.
Also endearing to me, for some odd reason, is Terry's signature. His r's are beautifully written and the y has the feel of one that should curve back up, but he just left it hanging like it was cut off short.
Wait, how do we know that the sender DIDN'T say anything to the man? Or maybe s/he didn't think it would be appropriate for some reason? It's a bit messed up to judge people for situations we know little about, too.
The problem with the web is we know so much about the people we meet on here yet know so little......
Maybe the finder did do something or maybe the guy was already getting help? My aunt was having treatment for cancer yet left 'suicide' notes as she refused to be treated any more.
I don't think everyone should be so quick to jump on the "shame on you" band wagon towards the finder.
it may be easy to jump to that assumption, but if you take the time to think about it it may not be fair.
first off "why didn't she try and help the person if she know who he was", well she likely didn't actually KNOW the guy, just enough about him to know that he's a mentally impaired/disturbed person who frequently walked past her house on his way somewhere.
yes this note is a clear attempt to reach out and make someone/anyone aware of his turmoil, but what exactly would you expect a stranger to do to help this man? the average layman doesn't have the training or knowledge to give him the help he needs. he clearly need much more then a simple "sympathetic ear" to do him any good.
And the act of leaving a note to someone whose name he may or may not know in a place where she may or may not have even found it, instead of actually saying this to her(or anyone else) suggest a certain amount of confliction between wanting to someone to be aware of his feelings, but not actually wanting anyone getting involved.
then there's the possibility that despite her sympathy for him, she may have felt somewhat wary of him. especially if she lives alone, getting involved with an impaired and unstable mans life isn't always the safest idea.
AND all of that is assuming she didn't "know" him, if she actually did know the guy, then I'm sure she would have talked to him about it. You're assuming just because the "find story" doesn't mention it, that she must have done nothing.
now as for assuming she "kept the note to remind her of someone else's suffering". that's just silly, use a bit of common sense and try to understand the actual meaning of the sentence instead of taking the words literally.
saving it to "remind myself of the hard struggles in those who are suffering so much inside", as in;
remember the hardship some people face, so as to not take happiness for granted when you have it.
remind you of what others are going through, so you don't sink into self pity over your own little issues.
remember what people like that man suffer from, to remain sympathetic and compassionate towards them(and yes, even help when you can). because it can be easy to just forget about people like that, or even look down upon them(i.e, can you say you've never seen a clearly impaired/disturbed person out in public and felt annoyed or frustrated by their behavior instead of sympathetic and compassionate?)
and I could go on listing perfectly good reasons someone might "keep a reminder of someone else's suffering", but I think I made the point.
hey it's a line from "the art of self destruction" i think (or was it another song?)..
sad note though, what's the matter with these suicide notes today? hope he didn't succeed in finding that way or at least didn't take it
I am intrigued by the very odd way in which Terry writes his K: a big V and an angly line.
A quick look at the statistics will show that if someone wants to end it, it's not difficult to find a way. Much of the time, when a person drops notes, hints and warnings about their impending suidice, it's a call for attention (and or a plea for help) not necessarily a suicide threat.
Hang in there, Terry!
Sorry, monkey, but about you started to read like Charlie Brown's teacher about half way through your essay, though I read it all.
Well. Found. If i had one iota of joy today, you've sucked it out of me. There is so much pain and anguish in this world. We should all be nice to each other. Hugs to everyone.
Well said Monkey
Bravo Monkey!
Can someone explain to my why there are "hidden" founds in the prev/next arrows?
Sometimes there are, somethmes thre aren't. It doesn't seem to have a pattern, rhyme or reason.
I fear I will miss an amazing found if I forget to click back and forth.
Also, what is the purpose of this? Is there not enough space on the site or something? It doesn't make sense to me.
Thanks to anyone who can explain. It's been happeneing for awhile.... it goes back months.
Is it because there are too many founds to only post one a day?
@ Dina, Febes, and Monkey - we weren't assuming that she didn't do anything to help. Her note says "but who could understand or do anything about it?" That's pretty strong evidence that she didn't. It wasn't a shame-on-you, just notice that she knew who wrote such a sad note and didn't TRY. Maybe even a hello as he passed by would have brightened his day? She's not a qualified professional, so we weren't suggesting she start counseling him.
@ Wondering - they've been posting two finds a day for a few months, maybe b/c the backlog? One in the morning and one in the afternoon. If you visit the site in the morning the first find comes up, you can click on comments and THEN the forward arrow to see the second find before it's official posting. If you visit later in the day, the second find comes up, but you're still welcome to hit the back arrows to see previous finds. Just look at the dates and make sure you've seen two for each date and that way you haven't missed anything! :)
interesting to compare the tones of the comments on the previous find and this one. rather glib over there with 'satan's daughter,' as if the elaboration of her trauma allows for more mockery. here, though, the brevity of terry's note results in a cyber-sobriety we rarely see. i just think both deserve serious consideration - these are the people who walk among us, whom we love, whose struggles are real and large and painful.
Your comment is a load of shit. And Carpl is a moron.
well, after expressing my interest in the unique style with which Terry fashions his/her K, I caught a minute or two of Good Will Hunting on the USA network. On the chalkboard the hoity toity harvard dude had written out some proof for Matt Damon to figure out, and there were Ks involved. They appeared to be written in this exact manner.
Hmm.
@Monkey in denial,
I interpreted the Finder’s meaning from the actual words in the blurb. The words “but who could understand or do anything about it?” indicated to me that Carpl took no action. I hope my interpretation is wrong, but I can’t assume so.
I agree that Carpl (especially if Carpl is a kid) shouldn’t have confronted this person directly about the note. Lack of training and knowledge is implicit in the blurb.I believe Carpl had a responsibilty to notify someone about the message found in the driveway. If Carpl is a minor, his or her parents could have been told, or Carpl could have told the person’s caregiver or family member. I’m sure other resources could have been utilized. Better safe than sorry.
As far as keeping the note as a reminder goes, I hear what you’re saying. My point of view is just different. I can’t help but think, what purpose does it serve to dwell on suffering that you can’t or won’t aid in some way?
@ MONKEY- You've said it all, my dear. Some, (NOT) all, people do these kinds of things for attention.
Mentally challenged and lonely, and probably alone. Not a good mix.
*Terry* obviously feels his own life is dross. A situation that can be tractable with the right meds.
My brother in-law is Bi-Polar and Schizophrentic.
I've thought to myself a few times when he's experienced these episodes, his facial expressions are all distorted, he's unresponsive, he makes and does rash things and decisions.
Then, when we call his Doctor and or an Ambulance, he switches back to his 'ol self, which I seem to think, (so does hubby, this is hubs elder brother)is all an act for attention.
I could be wrong...I'm not an expert, but it sure can be scary at times. And surreal.
***I'M WARNING READERS NOW...WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO READ MIGHT CAUSE OFFENSE OR DISTURBANCE.***
8 years go, my brother in-law of 22 years, took a machetti and it took 3 blunt, blundgeons to chop his left hand off at the wrist. His hand was saved, (hubby got it, filled a bucket with ice and buried his hand so it was kept cold) Hubs did all this whilst waiting for the Ambulance, the EMS Crew took him to the Hospital and my brother in-law was in surgery for 14 hours. We ALL prayed for him, and ourselves.
His hand now works fine, (not like it use to, but he can do things and use it. The look of it is different from the other, too.) he dislikes looking at it and tries to hide it or keep it in his pocket all the time. I thank the Great LORD everyday for his chance at life again.
He could of bled to death...no one was there, at his home or in his eyes. He was in shock, like...no one was home (literally!)and when you looked in to his eyes, pure blackness.
Hubby and I had just come to the door and walked in right when he was about to cauterize<---sp? the stump, on the stove top burner.
Sorry if I hurt, offended, yammered, or did any wrong doing to anyone.
I guess all you *FOUND-HOUNDS* are like 'cyber-family' to me!
I didn't mean to spoil your day...if anything, ya'll have made me feel better because I've never told another soul, (besides my mom) and it's a remarkable thing when you can confide in your confidantes.
Thanks, guys...for ALWAYS being here everyday and being able to share our life stories.
Holly, it isn't for attention.
ever.
Actually, I have coincidentally been thinking very heavily this week about a couple we used to know.
The husband had planned to kill his wife and then himself while the kids were at school. But the wife received a phone call that a kid was sick and she needed to come pick him up. While she was gone, the husband called his mother and left a full confession about his plans on her answering machine, then while still on the answering machine he killed himself with a shotgun.
I felt a lot of sympathy for him, even though he had planned to take his wife with him--even now I still feel for him. And I feel sympathy for any person who is in serious consideration about ending their life.
If a person chooses to make light of it outwardly, it doesn't mean they make light of it inwardly.
Christina thank you for you clearexplanantion. I could not figure out why sometimes it seemed like there were two and sometimes it didn't! I guess it depended what time of day I checked.
Holly, that story sounds so familiar.... was there a novel written about a man cutting off his left hand? DId I read it in the paper? Do I know your family member???? Is he in Toronto?
I seem to remember the person thinking he was going to harm someone with his hand and cut it off to prevent that from happening. Or something similar....
At first I thought it was "no one likes me" week because of the "i don't like you" index card, and the "I have no friends" letter. But now I'm thinking it's a "suicide theme." Perhaps it's both? Just a general "I'm depressed, I should off myself" theme?
It figures smallbear would go for that shit.
Apparently, nobody told this guy about postsecret.com
i agree with flargy. postsecret.com can save lives.
..But where were they going
Without ever knowing the way?
They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to sayAnd when the car broke down
They started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?
Anyone could see
The road that they walk on is paved in gold
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows
Wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happy there today , today
@Night in gale; the part of the find story "I knew he wanted to share his frustration with someone... but who could understand or do anything about it?"
I took that as her voicing the disturbed mans thoughts/feelings. as in that is what she felt was in the mans mind when he left the note.
Not as in her saying "gee someone really needs to help him, but who?"
@Holly; wow that's quite a story. and it is amazing he survived and has a second chance at life after such a serious attempt at suicide.
@ BRAIN, LARS,- Thanks, for telling me that he's (they're)not doing this for attention...I guess I needed to hear confirmation to understand and believe.
@ WONDERING- He does live in Toronto, but it never was on the news or in the paper. As far as I know, there has never been a book written about it, either. His reasoning behind doing the act itself, was he didn't want to live and he thought his fingers were too ugly? (On his left hand, he had lost 2 halves on two different fingers.)
@ MONKEY- Thanks Monkey. I pray everyday and thank GOD that he's still here and is on the road to recovery. He's now on the proper meds, and he takes it regularly, (he wasn't taking his meds when this fiasco happened, nor was it meds that worked for him)
I appreciate ya'lls caring and kindnss. It means so much. BTW, but my brother in-law just celebrated his 59th Birthday on Sept 19/08. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FRANK!
Yeah, the book was "I know this much is true." It is excellent-- the man in that book also had schizophrenia, and he cut off his hand because of the passage in the Bible that says "if your hand causes you to sin, it's better to cut it off." He did it in a library, if I remember correctly.
OH H in A!!!! How wonderful you are! OF COURSE that is where I read it and it sounded so familiar.
Thank you.... it was botheing me like an itch in the middle of my back... that I ...just... couldn't.... reach.....
Always happy to help!!! :-)
OMGAWD!!! WONDERING and H in A- I just bought 2 novels, by Wally Lamb at a garage sale. One is called, SHE'S COME UNDONE and the other is I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!
Is this that book?
How weird is that?
Yes, Holly, that's the book. Both of the books you bought are really good. "She's Come Undone" is better than "I Know This Much is True", in my opinion....
Thank-you MLM...just about to *dig* in to, "She's Come Undone..."
mentally handicapped or mentally ill? there's a difference.
My boyfriend committed suicide in June. It's stuff like this that gets to me. It's like they reach out but no one takes anything seriously any more. People never think it's going to happen to them or to someone they know.
Why stay silent?