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July 16, 2008 |
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Things that Are Bullshit
FOUND by Timothy L. Campbell
in Chicago, Illinois
I found this list of "Things that Are Bullshit" in an alley off Rockwell Street, on the north side. Just like what you're liable to find in the alleys of Chicago, this list has an interesting mix.
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Soul April 18, 2006 |
Just for Fun! April 04, 2006 |
Thumb March 30, 2006 |
Note to Self November 28, 2004 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
What does the third thing say? Cheese bark? Chess bank? Oh maybe it's Chase Bank. That makes sense.
It's the cheese bank. They control and regulate the flow of cheese. They are bullshit, they keep all the really nice cheese for their management and shareholder. Whenever I can't get hold of any decent stilton with cranberries I know they're having a share holders party.
Who does everyone recommend for student loans? Is Wachovia good?
seductive racial theory??
I agree with the financial aide being bull shit...
@ TALIA- I agree with that, as well. But, the question is...who is *Tom B*?
And EFFIE, you make me chuckle!
reductive racial theory? i've got to google that.. i love lists like this.
and oh yeah, Tom B is bullshit.
Tom B. is the person in charge of financial aid at Chase Bank, whose reductive racial theory kept me from being able to repeat those 917 classes I wanted to take over.
I would mind my college classroom doors if this guy/gal is still on the loose. Sounds like some major issues on campus.
What I found interesting is this is started in black pen, but was important enough to keep and find another pen to finish.
Hmmm.
Reductive. Racial. But that's just a theory.
LOL @ LIBRARIAN!!
sounds like someone didn't pass enough classes to get their next lump of financial aid...or cheese...(here kid, have some gouda, do some physics)
Someone's having a bad semester. I would suggust pot brownies.
Pot brownies are anything BUT bullshit.
Things that are bullshit?
Spam protection questions involving math
Tom B is actually James Molenda.
I know...it's complicated.
I prefer to let Penn and Teller tell me what is bullshit.
I'm sorry I meant Karl Wallenda.
*stickers that don't peel off in one piece
it's TOMB.
His tomb is bullshit. He wanted a fancy gold and lapis funerary mask and all he got was something his aunt Molly tooled out of aluminum foil and duct tape.
The paintings on the walls are peeling and it's just bullshit.
Anybody else want to weigh in on what the (917) means at the end of the first bullet point?
I was just guessing earlier about it being the number of non-repeatable classes.
OK. Now I'm NOT going to pursue this line of thinking (really Mona) but I thought it read:
seductive social theory.
I'm going to go hide under a couch now.
@Librarian:(917)is actually a drawing of a butt with the numbers nine and seven tattoed on the cheeks.
@librarian.. I saw it as a date - 9/7. But the relevance...?
I will demonstrate restraint as well, Alan. I feel badly about dragging everyone in to my gutter
I do like the 'drawing of the butt' idea. And i will go no farther than that (although i do like my Sharpies(TM).
could it be a ratio, in which case the first number must be lower than 7, so maybe a badly drawn 4. as in 4 out of 7 classes are non-repeatable.
There are TONS more things that can go on this list! Anyone wanna' play? I would add: alcohol-free beer. And people who don't think they have to follow the same traffic laws as the rest of us (waiting until the last second to cut in front of a long line of cars to get out of an exit-only lane)! Bastards...
*Calling my All-In for $4000 with your 8-3
@ bored, I wanted moonstones and virgin maidens for my tomb, but I'm being put in under the apple tree next to the dog. It really IS bullshit.
Maybe 917 is the class that he can't take over again - like Psych 917? Just a thought.
Anyone have a clue on reductive racial theory? I'm curious what it is and why it's b.s.
@Jodababes--I agree about the brownies. However, I'll bet the cop and his wife who recently ate some and called 911 because they thought they were dying because time was passing REALLLLLY slowly thought that they were COMPLETE bullshit.
@mlm
FYI-there is really no such thing as alcohol-free beer. It still contains 0.3-1.5% alcohol, depending on the brand. When beer manufacturers tried to produce beer totally without alcohol they failed because to duplicate the aroma and taste of beer some fermentation was necessary, or it didn't taste like the real stuff at all. So you are absolutely correct in saying that it's bullshit.
Guess that also makes people who drink it who say they are alcohol-free bullshitters too!
Also to add to your "BS" list: infomercials late at night that target unemployed or depressed people with the end-all, cure-all to their problems. If happiness could be bought for $19.99 life would be a heck of a lot simpler!
THAT's why I felt dizzy after drinking 27 alcohol free beers!
I'll know better next time.
okokokookokokok
9/17 is the date or deadline for those classes that are..?? (since I can't magnify this find, can decipher the non-re...something word). That is what I think.
That Tom B must really get around. He was the bullshit financial aid adviser at the university I was at.
@Cotton.. Found works pretty good for depression, and it's FREE! Kinda like what Phoebe said on today's other post: "Who needs Midol when you have Foundmagazine." Yep. Found cures PMS too.
Effie, that's funny! I must go to the cheese bank today. Must withdraw some fresh mozzarella.
@Clover
I agree. FOUND is a panacea for me. It doesn't matter how I feel or what mood I'm in...
...after I spend some time here at FOUND I always feel better.
It a great escape from reality that's totally real. A slice of daily life served on a silver platter.
FINALLY!!!! the cheese bank is exposed for the rotten, stickin, reekin' low-moisture, bacteria culture-vault.. it really is!
I must have missed Christina's comment because I just noticed that the Bullshit List is written in two different colored inks.
I could've rattled off a few more on the first go round. I'll play mlm:
Professional Wrestling fans
The Emeril Live Band (not the band themselves, just the fact that a food show even has a band)
Man nipples
PMS... wait, I do get PMS, but when I get it I just call it me being a bitch.
And pennies.
slackers who expect to get paid just for showing up at work but dont actually do any work, and suffer no consequences. That's bullshit.
The (*) people in the park for the Fourth of July who TRASHED the beautiful park so badly that it literally reduced me to tears during my july 5 AM bike ride. THAT's bullshit.
Whoever decided that Country Music was THE "American" music that HAS to accompany any public pyrotechnic display in celebration of the fourth of july? That's bullshit.
NASCAR and its devotees. Bullshit.
And this entire post is a bunch of bullshit. WHAT??
man1: It's not much of a cheese bank is it?
man2: Finest in the district, Sir!
man1: Explain the logic underlying that conclusion.
man2: Well, it's very clean.
man1: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
sorry...had to...
oh alan....... you had me at pting.
@ MLM- In regards to "The Bull Shit List"...
1)People who think their *shit* doesn't stink...freakin' *fecalsmears*!!
2)Liars, especially Politicians.
3)Hipocracy, especially Politics.
4)Greed, especially Corporations
5)Corruption, especially the Government.
Oh, and just to add *fuel* to the fire...
6)Gas and or fuel prices!
I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on etcetera...
7)Exploitation, especially The Jerry Springer Show!!
Ahahahaha!!
Bullshit: politicians, liars, and religious fanatics
Not Bullshit: Foundmagazine.com, Pandora.com, my dog
@Holly--Don't sugarcoat it, tell us how you really feel! :) I think I'm going to use "fecalsmear" from now on, if that's OK w/you. (That WAS your BWOC, right?) No kidding about the freakin' gas prices!! They've got us ALL bent over a barrel!
@Jodababes-Why DOES a food show have a band? Makes no sense, but I bet they love their gig. And PENNIES? *heehee*
And I'm going to add one more: General, all-around incompetence from the world at large. Does no one take pride in their work and/or family?
Tom Bosley is not bullshit! The man was the voice of David the Gnome!
Tom Bosley... wasn't he Howard Cunningham? Classic.
all time top 10 song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now the king told the boogie men
You have to let that raga drop
The oil down the desert way
Has been shakin to the top
The sheik he drove his cadillac
He went a cruisnin down the ville
The muezzin was a standing
On the radiator grille
Chorus
The shareef dont like it
Rockin the casbah
Rock the casbah
The shareef dont like it
Rockin the casbah
Rock the casbah
By order of the prophet
We ban that boogie sound
Degenerate the faithful
With that crazy casbah sound
But the bedouin they brought out
The electric camel drum
The local guitar picker
Got his guitar picking thumb
As soon as the shareef
Had cleared the square
They began to wail
Chorus
Now over at the temple
Oh! they really pack em in
The in crowd say its cool
To dig this chanting thing
But as the wind changed direction
The temple band took five
The crowd caught a wiff
Of that crazy casbah jive
Chorus
The king called up his jet fighters
He said you better earn your pay
Drop your bombs between the minarets
Down the casbah way
As soon as the shareef was
Chauffeured outta there
The jet pilots tuned to
The cockpit radio blare
As soon as the shareef was
Outta their hair
The jet pilots wailed
Chorus
He thinks its not kosher
Fundamentally he cant take it.
You know he really hates it.
Bullshit list:
Emeril (Bam!)
More bullshit:
posting your Found comment before you're ready
lists on Found
more lists on Found
yet another list on Found
yet another F***ing list on Found
cooking shows that aren't with Julia Child (or Dan Ackroyd as Julia Child)
not being invited to Mona's orgy (is it 'cause I'm a bear, Mona?)
and last but not least fecal smear
Unprecedented bullshit:
Excessive dead-air in your comment box, Cubby. (Or is that bear-shit?)
And Alan? I don't know who Karl is, but you're lucky you corrected yourself or I'd have to go pting on your forehead.
Wow.. Found has over 1250 registered members now. (give or take a few. there's no #1234.)
regardless of the content I love the handwriting! Chase bank holder... of my small funds...
Night in Gale sorry 'bout the dead air, don't know how that happened.
But what isn't bullshit are a couple of interesting Finds you missed when you were on vacation: #2479 and #3669.
Thanks for the heads-up, Cub. I read, I commented, I smiled.
TOM BROKAW!!!!!!!!! Hello!
Excuse me, I thought I saw something about non-alcoholic beer. Exactly what is the purpose of that?
Cherry Opepsi: I've been wondering who you are and now I know. It came to me in a revelation or maybe it was in a realization or maybe it was in a reflection someplace.
Smallbear, you're invited too. I don't discriminate against species. (just..do you shed a lot?)
Smallbear, it took me a few minutes to understand what you meant..ah yes, lightbulb is on: another list. What is it with lists?
I don't do lists. When I go to the grocery store, my writing may look something like this:
tpapplesdonutstamponsmilkeggscheesedonutsorang
Not really, but I wanted to see what it would look like.
Fooch, you must really like donuts. You should go back to April 17th Find for a classic list.
http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/1263
This reminds me of the Go-Go's song, "The Girl of 100 Lists"..
Ghetto blasters, phony jewels
Cathedrals, castles, making up rules
Trashy novels and leather gloves
This is a list of the things I love
CHORUS
I am the girl of 100 lists
From what shall I wear
To who I have kissed
Check items off
Let nothing be missed
Sing I to myself and my 100 lists
Pick up your laundry, doctor's at ten
We're out of toothpaste, rehearsal (again)
Stop by the bank and cash my pay
These are the things I must get done today
CHORUS
Ricky and Danny and Terry and Jim
Dean lasted six months -- don't forget him
Perhaps some day this list will end
Till then I tally my gentlemen friends
Whoever named that stuff "near beer" was a damn poor judge of distance.
I also knew a guy who worked at a cheese bank once; only job he'd ever had. He was a sorry sumbitch and was still overqualified for the position.
Godamn government giveaway programs.. we should have them go out and look for lost notes and stuff.
Cheese banks are all over France. Lots of cheese boutiques have them. They are known as "caves de finissage" and they are used to complete the aging process. Climate-controlled, atmosphere controlled. Only very expensive cheeses are kept in cheese banks, as you'd expect.
Which gives a whole new meaning to the word "cheesy."
Vive le fromage!
That's the trouble with racial theory: it IS so seductive. And so bullshit.
Other things that are bullshit:
Teenagers who work in shops (well, I say "work")
ATM machines
Cellphones and those who use hands-free sets on the bus.
http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/1016
Bullshit.
@Mona Glad to hear you're not Ursine phobic. No I don't shed mostly because in the Summer I shave my fur off! ;)
So when's the next get together?
@ MLM- LOL!! I heart you, girl! I wish *fecalsmear* was my BWOC!!! I use it when it's apropo...Thanks, anyway!
@ ITS TIME TO PARTY!- The Sexy, Sex Pistols!!! (I think that's who sings, *Rock In The Casbah!*
@ SMALLBEAR- I LOVE hairy bears! And, if your back has some hair on it, so be it!!!
Cutie-Cub!!
It's not the Sex Pistols it's the Clash.
Holly, Holly, Holly... How COULD you? (please google or Wiki Joe Strummer IMMEDIATELY.) Johnny Rotten (or Sid, if that's who you're thinking) is an entirely different breed.
.
.
.
"Throughout his career, Strummer was noted for his devotion to fans. It has been said that Strummer never left a venue until everyone who had waited around got an autograph and talked with him personally, a process which often lasted for hours."
No one from the Sex Pistols EVER would've done that.
No, the Sex pistols would've vomited on their fans--but the fans probably would've loved that!
@Holly--Heart you too! So, I won't chastize you for the Casbah-faux pas...:)
Yea! I hate CHASE too! Fuckers.
Comment
maybe whoever wrote the note is not a tom brady fan.
although im not sure how that can be, hes a total babe.