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September 25, 2008 |
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Dmitri, Heartbreaker
FOUND by Dave Randall
in Lake Oswego, Oregon
I found this folded up near a rope swing in my home town. Maybe Dmitri had it delivered to him and was so indifferent to the girl that he just dropped it, or maybe the girl had it fall out of her pocket/purse accidently and it never made it to Dmitri. She sounds desperate to make amends :[
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Maxine ... October 25, 2008 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
pew! I can smell the desperation from here.
(feeling a little morsel of compassion, but still, get ahold of yourself author!)
Ah, the tribulations of young love.
"man behind the curtain" I agree with you- very desperate. I want to tell the girl I feel bad for her, but get over Dmitri.
I also want to tell Dmitri that just because the girl with the abruptly changing margins is desperate, he shouldn't think he's all that. This is the kind of note that would make a boy treat his girl badly because he knows she'll stay with him no matter what.
I sense that margin-girl is on a path to an unhappy, and possibly abusive, love life.
Do I get an A in "Over-Analyzing 101"???
Desperate is right. Also clingy, needy, and masochistic.
"You can drag my name through the dirt, knock me down and walk all over me, and I'll come crawling back for more. I just bought some spike heels, hot pants and a spangled tube top from American Apparel to prove my luuuuuv for you. You're the only one for me, and I'm the only one for you. Pleasepleaseplease talk to me, spit on me, kick me...do anything, but NOTICE ME!!"
Oh, you people.... glass house dwellers...
I understand her. You all know you do too.
I know where she is, I was there when I was 15 too. The best thing Dmitri can do is completly ignore her, let her shed her tears and be angry and frustrated, and only then will she be able to move on and be his friend. If they hang out as friends now she will be constanty trying to win him back, embarrassing herself, Dmitri and anyone in a five mile radius.
Dmitri - RUN!
1 day Dmitri will look back 2 the day he got this note and be 3illed that he got it, but not that the author 4got to sign her name 2 it.
It caused him no end of hurt that he really didn't know WHICH of the young women hanging around his locker at school had written it. Being a mysterious Russian exchange student had its benefits, of course (being allowed to carry vodka in his thermos, for one thing ["Is our national drink, Mr. Principal,"]). But it had its drawbacks, too. All these Americanski girls dressed and looked the same, like those uniforms in the American Apparel advertisements. How in the world did people tell them apart?
Best just to ignore their notes and phone calls. Be strong and silent. Soon the school year will be over and Dmitri will be able to escape back to Siberia where everyone knows who is who and what is what.
Oh, the pain! I can feel it.
i know the feeling of being the desperate girl, and i know that it's stupid and unhealthy to be that way. i feel bad for her, and him. i hate being a girl.
I second Feeling in coherent: RUN!
Self-centered back-slant (with variable margins) girl is nothing but trouble on the hoof. And if you think she's bad, wait until you meet her mom.
Would she really be all that happy if he only pertended to want to be her friend?
Desperate but not serious...
LIBRARIAN!
Curse you for making me shoot milk out my nose on to my computer keyboard. TWICE!
Awwww..it's best to call it quits. Once that intial love lost hits...it's over.
Can't stand all the author's whining...Baby Basil made her sound so real!
Do you like me?
Check one
_yes
_no
_maybe
_you scare me
go on Dmitri, give the poor desperate girl 10 freaking minutes. spell it out for her so she can stop grasping at straws. Then run for the hills/ignore her till it sinks in and she stops deluding herself.
if you're going to break someones heart(even if it's not your "fault")it's only fair to give a definitive break, so they can get on with putting it back together.
nothings worse then a slow crumble.
(especially if the person's armed with denial and a roll of duct-tape and is determined to try holding it together for as long as possible)
Author...Dmitri's breath probably smells like salami anyway...
You should be the one running!!!
@ Lucky ... thank you. and thank you. [at least I've done SOMEthing constructive today. can I go home now? (and it's not even coffee break time!)]
This could be a song. I know there is someone in Found-world who can come up with something really good...
Oh girl. No guy is worth that much grovelling. Please. Grow a pair.
@Alan-I believe Adam Ant said it best; "your psycho letters drive me delirious".
Poor girl. Her clingy-ness will wear off soon hopefully before Dmitri ends up dead!
I think the blood-red ink is indicative. Dmitri should keep a low profile and watch his back; girls like this can turn from cingy/needy to psycho/homicidal in the blink of an eye.
First of all, this Dmitri is just as desperate for attention as the girl who wrote this note, grumpy. He loves that she does this, he needs her to do this & she doesn't know why, but she needs to do it. In fact, she can't quit doing it & no matter what he says, he doesn't want her to. This is a true co-dependent relationship.
I was with my "Dmitri" for 11 years, starting when I was 17 & he was 21. Eventually, we lived together, owned a home together, the works. We must have broken up at least 100 times; every time with me begging him & he, of course, eating it up until he was ready to "give in". I came home one day to find that he had moved all of his things out & went back home to his parents (he was 33)...but he still wanted to be together. This was the ultimate for him. Took me 5 months (& the rest of the 11 years) to figure out that this was bullshit & told him we weren't going to be "together" anymore. Guess who did the begging then. We never got back together. We did, however, talk on the phone for about a year after that & we talked alot about these goings-on. That was 9 years ago. I have never been that way with anyone but him.
I am happily married now & so was he; we hadn't spoken in 8 years. He was found dead a week ago of an aneurysm; I went to his funeral last Friday. I almost think I miss him more now than I ever did & I've cried a little every day since I found out. Not because I wanted him back, but because we both knew where the other one was (in general)in case the "need" for that craziness ever arose until the end of our lives. Somewhere in me, I feel a really, really small panic going on, but am unsure if I've gained something or lost something.
I'm sure the note's author will figure it out one day & I'm sure Dmitri will too.
@ Lucky in Kentucky:
Do you like me?
Check one
_yes
_no
_maybe
Xyou scare me
@ That Girl, that was intense reading. I don't know what to say. I'm just completely baffled by relationships like the one you described, and by the one implied in this Find. Even with your explanation, I still just can't get it. How? Why? For that long? Even if I got the why of it, I just could never get the how. It seems impossible to me for anyone to willingly put themselves through that kind of a relationship.
As for you other Foundians, do you think there's hope for the note-writer? Do you think she'll get over it, and become a strong, independent person? Or is she just going to find another Dimitri? And what is it that makes people think that it's ok to have relationships like this? Society? What? What?
Holy judgenmental bitches! You've all got it totally wrong. This girl isn't desperate at all - Dmitri is just the coolest SOB you could ever hope to meet, and anyone who encounters him, then can't get 10 minutes of his time, reacts exactly the same way as this chick.
spot on - mlm - spot on...
Dmitri is a player and an asshole. He probably showered her with all kinds of love and affection and attention and then took her virginity and now he acts like she doesn't exist. The only thing this girl should say to Dmitri is that he's a dick and he can go to Hell. And oh yeah, when he gets lonely and tries to call her up in a month or two, she needs to tell him to go to Hell again, and hang up.
@ that girl, and girl in a cube.
I do hope that Dmitri's girl finds her own way, is able to stand up for what she really wants. Sadly, the patterns that we form in our early relationships seem to carry on, until we figure out how much they damage us. Even then, they're difficult to change.
@ I hate myself.
I feel bad for your husband. He deserves someone who loves him (not still obsessed with an ex).
Maybe it's time for therapy.
Hmmm. I kind of had a different take on this manipulative little she-devil. Perhaps she took Dmitri for granted and played around a little on him. She figured he'd never leave, and when he finally decided he'd had enough, he left. For good. She still can't believe it. So now she's desperate to talk to him so she can ask for forgiveness and beg him to take her back. But no matter. Dmitri is stronger than she thought. He knows if he did take her back, she'd just do it all over again.
@ Still not working...
If you are right, there should be an "I'm sorry" in there somewhere.
@ in coherent
You misunderstand. Missing him is missing the person, the little girl, I once was. With him literally gone, she can be gone too. I didn't like me then. I think most people would like to be "rid" of some part of themselves. This is why I said I don't know if I've gained or lost something...I think I'm free of that part of myself. If I was still hung up on him, believe me, I would've still been with him & never have moved on. I never regretted finally ending it. It was no good for anyone.
My husband is a wonderful man whom I am so lucky to have found. He has never seen that side of me for himself, but he's asked & I've told him how that relationship went. It was his idea that I go to the funeral; I'm sure that he'll go to his ex-wife's funeral when that day comes, god forbid. Everyone needs final closure; sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't.
@I Hate Myself For Ever Be in That Girl:
It would be more abnormal not to feel a loss than to grieve for your ex-boyfriend. You spent 11 years of your life with this person. Being with him helped you grow, change and mature to the point where you could have a successful marriage and helped you come to realize what you really needed in a relationship. Regardless, I can understand he played a major role in your life and and played a significant part in you to become the person that you are
I think many of us are haunted by "what ifs" and "could have beens" of past relationships. With his passing, that has been taken from you. Go home and give your hubby a hug and a kiss. Let go of the past and focus on the here and now. It's natural to grieve, but don't allow it to consume you. If you do allow that to happen, you give him back the control he once had over you. You fought hard to make that change in your life, and it appears to be a change for the better. Be strong and stay your course.
This is wierd. Found posted a find that brings out everyone's inner-15-year-old. That never happens around these parts...
Just 10 minutes ?? what does this girl/Boy (there's no mention of the writer's gender!) think they can achieve in said time?? I think it's a ploy just to get dmitri to respond and then he/she'll go all weird and crazy and probably threaten poor dmitri that he/she'll kill themself if they don't have at least one date...hope dmitri got to escape this no doubt loop de loop...
@I Hate Myself For Ever Be in That Girl ... thank you for sharing your story; I have a vaguely, vaguely similar story with an ex spouse (except for the part about dieing)
Laughing. SO. Hard @ Turbo.
I have been this deperate girl (sans abruptly changing margins). It's easy to see how pathetic and embarassing it is when you look back 13 years later, but oooooh, how I was that girl at 15. I don't think I ever wrote a ...wait. Yes; yes I have {hanging head in shame}. I mean, my favorite song was Depeche Mode's "Little 15"--if that doesn't paint a picture I don't know what will. I was dying of broken hearts all the dang time over one jackass or another.
Well...thank god that's over <looks around then down to avoid eye contact>
I know how this girls feels. I felt the same way over a boy in my young teenage years. But although I may have felt that way, I NEVER would have told him.
Get a hold of yourself girl, you don't need him!
Dammit girl, you're never gonna change Dmitri. He's GAY. Read the signs.
Ahhhh... Reminds me of the bad ol' days.
Hope I never see her again.
Dimitri doesn't know it, but he will never recieve such starry-eyed worship again. That's why he will take it as his due and treat her like dirt.
@I Hate Myself For Ever Be in That Girl:
I guess I do misunderstand. I've never experienced such a co-dependent relationship. It sounds like you've worked through a lot of stuff already. Just be ready for it to be back at the surface for a while. I wish you well getting through it.
Hopefully this girl will realize that you can only chase down and force yourself on a boy so many times. Eventually another one will come around the corner, and you can be smitten with him for a while, chase him down, force yourself on him, until he runs away... they keep on coming around the corner.
We all have the potential to be this girl. Somewhere in the world is a perfect nemesis for everyone: that lying player, be it man or woman or somewhere in between, who can tell you that the sky is purple and the grass is pink and you will believe them, even as you know they are lying.
The person everyone warns you about, and you can only whine, "You just don't understand!" even as you lick your wounds, which are fast becoming running sores.
I think the reason that there is such a strong comment-reaction to this Find is that it resonates so strongly with each commenter; either because they have been there, or because they are afraid they may go there.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
@tired: So true. We could all be her. I would have been her if I had dated at a young age... thankfully I waited several years to grow up a bit. But I'm still afraid of becoming her at some level.
@I hate...: Thanks for sharing. Best wishes on your continued journey. I believe greater healing can come after walking through a grief like this. It brings up old things you've dealt with in the past and new things you didn't even know were inside, but you learn even more by growing through it and persevering.
someone needs to set this note to music.
It should be pretty easy, 'me' rhymes with 'dimitri' really well.
right on, Alan.
Made me think of Zerlina in Mozart's Don Giovanni:
Rage at me, kill me,
do what you want with me
But then, my dear Masetto...
let's make peace
Hit me, dear Masetto,
strike your poor Zerlina
I'll take your blows like a lamb
You can pull out my hair
You can gouge out my eyes
Then I'll kiss your dear hands
-- though Zerlina was a manipulative little witch who knew exactly what she wanted, not a whining no-hoper.
Kipling wrote a poem about a horrible emotionally maneating woman, called "The Vampire", but the response written by a woman, "A Woman's Answer to "The Vampire" is much more similar to this note.
Google it, I'm sure it's out there.
I wrote a note just like this to Flargy. He couldn't spare 10 minutes, that cool SOB.
@ alan- How do you know? Ever been a rock or an Island?
I think this girl is being manipulative. I dont think she knows it, and I am guessing this Dmitri character is a skeez-bucket...
They should both take some time apart.
I guess I won't be performing their wedding.
I will not be ignored, DMITRI!!!
Oh, valliant Alan... You just had to break out the S&G, didn't you?
End of the work day here ... and I still prefer my vodka-swilling, confused Russian exchange student theory better than most of the rest of your theories. So there! Just give me 10 minutes and we can talk about whether it's better or isn't. That'll be all I will take. We can talk about it. Please. Wherever you want.
Nightingale, Flargy doesn't whip out the red correcting pen for just any gal...
@I Hate Myself For Ever Be in That Girl
I feel every ounce of your pain for the co-dependant relationship you had. Been there, done that waaaaay more than one. Hell, it was the only way I knew to be for a quarter-of-a-grumbly century. Had similar feelings when the last alcoholic manipulative [beep] of a [bleepin] [bleep] finally punched a ticket for the deep dirt nap. But things get better if you let them.
And as for Miss Red Pen and Dmitri, I chose to belive that she was the psycho and was trying to get Dmitri to play reindeer games not that he was already involved in them.
@brain problem situation in my head:
If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it. =)
Dimitri. haaaarumph. What a twit-ass name anyways. Reminds me of some kindergartener who probably always had a questionable smell coming from his pants and sticky stuff all around his mouth where he'd eaten gummy bears or chocolate pudding.
Plus, there would be hints of blue lint from the carpet stuck to the sticky stuff all around his mouth because he'd been rubbing his hydrocephalic head all over the floor like some kind of weirdo pig rooting for truffles in a strange, unexplainable behavior that none of the teachers could stop.
I'm just saying... I bet he was THAT Dimitri in kindergarten.
OMG-Run Dmitri! Run as fast as you can. I listened in on a conversation my daughter had with her boyfriend when she was trying to break up with him (she asked me to listen in). This note sounds just like her whiney boyfriend who wouldn't let go. Pretty soon he was stalking her. This girl has just passed "Stalking 101" and is on her way to her advanced degree. 10 minutes will never be enough for her. She'll always want another 10 minutes. She doesn't want an answer to to the question "do you even want to be my friend?" She won't accept the real answer.
@I Hate Myself For Ever Be in That Girl- Time heals all...it takes time, but it does.
I've been there, too. Also lost the man that I had shared 8 years of my life with. I was walked on and over by him like I was a bloody *WELCOME* mat.
Anyway, the relationship was over before his passing, so it's been 9 years.
He's been gone for 7 years.
As time ticks, minute by minute, I feel I have a warming, motivating and guiding force inside me.
Almost like a *Guardian Angel*?
Who knows...it could be **My Dmitri**.
I do know if God leads us to it, then He leads us through it.
What happens in our lifetime, whether we get through it or not...it only makes us stronger!
As for this FIND, Both of them are idiots. Give it up...let it go...and live your own separate lives.
Turbo, FTW.
Oddly enough as I was reading the posts to this Find these two songs began playing on my Pandora.com station: (please believe me when I tell you my taste in music isn't as bad as this implies.)
"And I ran,I ran so far away
I just ran
I ran all night and day
I couldn't get away..."
I RAN by Flock of Seagulls
"There she goes there she goes again....
She calls my name....
Chasing me down my lane...."
THERE SHE GOES by Sixpence none the Richer
@Orinoco: aha! Kipling! What a fantastic and misunderstood poet.
'The female of the species
Is far deadlier than the male...'
(LOL @ Nightingale.. I was going to say that Flargy was actually describing his own coooool self, but you pretty much beat me to it.)
Used to have a Dimirti, but the name was Haro.
.."I keep you honest, and you keep me sane."
oh, and Smallbear,
Here she comes again
she's dancin' 'neath the starry skies..
she'll make you slip!
I have nothing to add to this find, except that the song THERE SHE GOES reminds me of that stupid commercial on t.v. for birth control pills.
Now the damn song is stuck in my head.
The tarot cards told me that it is a good day to dump the loser.
Bye-bye, Dmitri
Wow. Lots and lots of posts today.
Did no one go to work?
@ Hate Myself: hope you work through this..life sucks sometimes.
@ Turbo: it is weird, I have to agree.
..I think of you every night and day
You took my heart and you took my pride away.
I hate myself for loving you,
Can't break free from the things that you do.
I wanna walk but I run back to you
Thats why I hate myself for lovin you...
@F in crying--My husband told me that song was about heroin....I don't know whether to believe him or not and I'm too lazy to look it up.
here are the lyrics to 'Dimitri Heartbreak'
-----------------------
(musical intro)
Please Dimitri
If there's one day you can give me
To talk to me please tell me
Please Dimitri
If you really want me to get over you
And you don't give a shit about what I do
(chorus)
Can you at least pretend to be my friend
Or do you not want to be my friend
Please Dimitri
Just give me one more chance
To talk to you, just say yes
Please Dimitri
Where you want. Please tell me why
I promise - no more ten minute cry
(chorus)
can you at least pretend to be my friend
or do you not want to be my friend
(end)
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