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December 15, 2008 |
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I Never Realized How Bad Your Poetry Was
FOUND by Kristen
in Cedar Rapids, Iowa
I love the library. Mainly because it's free, and because it's about books. Poignant, I know. But it's really a cool idea if you think about it. All sorts of people that I have never met share in the same likes, and dislikes, of myself. We are all connected in many different ways. Think about this: I have brought home books with other people's bookmarks, ticket stubs, old receipts from the grocery store, or one of the most unforgettable- gobs of cat hair between the pages.
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United States of ... July 20, 2008 |
Abandoned Bbq August 30, 2005 |
Better Than ... June 01, 2008 |
On My Day Off April 04, 2008 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Holy postsecret, Batman! Bleccchhhh!
Forget the poetry, check out his hair!!!
Ps. Indeed it is very Postsecret-esque
I enjoyed the Finder's side note better than
the find itself, but that's okay.
Ew @ cat hair as a book mark. That's a horrific idea!
Dear Kristen,
I never realized how bad your introduction was.
Ha! Just kidding.
Well, actually, you didn't really tell us what this find has to do with the library, though... Did you find it in a book? Is it your proposed title for a book? Someone's leftover comment about Mattie Stepanek?
Oooh. Burn.
I'm such an adult.
What's on the t-shirt?
- A giant eyeball, but you mostly see the eyelashes
- A shiny bald head
- A light bulb, as in "I just had an idea! I'll use cat hair as a bookmark."
- The volume knob on a stereo. Currently it's either turned way down or way up. Hard to tell which.
- It's not a design: the person in the drawing was punched by the Chosen One from "Kung Pow! Enter the Fist" and that's the gaping hole.
Geek, you forgot one: a rising sun.
Niether of today's Finds of the Day has a real back story. Does that mean they weren't really found?
How can people Kristen's never met share in her like or dislike of herself?
Cat hair-head!
(my cat wears a hat made from human hair)
Despite the fact that Kirsten's description seems to tell nothing about the find, I absolutely agree with her. That sentiment is exactly why I plan to become a librarian one day. :D
How does the finder know that was cat hair? Maybe it was arctic fox or timber wolf or hyena hair.
I Never Realized How Lame I Were
FOUND by Kristen! in Cedar Rapids, Iowa
I love the Internets! Mainly because it's free sometimes, and because it's about millions of connections through jillions of tubes! Obvious, I know. But it's really a cool idea if you think about it. All sorts of people that I have never met share in the same likes, and dislikes, of myself, and chat, and webcams and porn. We are all connected in many different ways, some us have modems, others broadband, and some people have fiber optic connections. Think about this: I have clicked on picturs of books with other people's bookmarks, got viruses, stolen music and movies. Once I met a guy who I met on the Internets... he met a the door wearing only a diaper! I was like dude OMG WTF! Ugg... I have to go now I found one of those unforgettable- gobs cat hairballs in my slipper.
And remember - no matter where you go there you are!
Obviously yours, K
(My name sake is Christopher Columbus - another famous person who discovered a bunch of peoples backyards - and he got a holiday named after him!)
I never realized how bad your drawing was.
So Kristen sounds like the kind a girl I usually date. You know the ones im talking about, they love animals, never get low brow jokes, didnt understand The Royal Tenninbaums, always hanging out at a bookstore but never buying books. Come to think of it that was just one girl I dated and it never really worked out. To be honest I dont knoe where I was going with this.
I never realized how bad your posts were.
I feel badly for Kristen,
Seems to me she was just trying to share something she found and her thoughts on it and she got put through the ringer of hate and discontent...
Why is it when one person makes a mean comment, everybody jumps on the band wagon? It proves that mean people are contagious. I enjoyed the comment, Kristen.
I never realized how bad your poetry was
The electrons bounces around between the freaks
but I don know what to do with ya
I cannot think, I cannot speak
Sammy: yuck!
I had some help:
http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Poem/
A fun website to create some really bad poetry.
Ever hear of the World's Worst Poetry Contest? I think it's (was?) hosted by the local newspaper in Pismo Beach, CA. The worse the poetry the better, and the only rule is that the poem had to mention Pisom Beach. (it may have been a San Luis Obispo newspaper, but pretty sure it was Pismo.) WONDERFULLY horribly bad poetry. Deliciously bad.
example:
http://volokh.com/sasha/pismo.html
Here's my poem from the generator Sammy gave the link to: (thanks, Sammy. This comment section needed some levity.)
+++++++
with doubts and reservations
cigarettes on fire in the depths of my soul...
or as the trembling foot on the precipice of indecision
You tear at my heart and gnaw on my soul
++++++++
I actually kinda like it.
I have a stick
But critical outfits subcultured in shame
been so twisted...I need some lipstick
imagining the hero toffing in the lane
=============================
cowboy eyes
The storm of rotting wets my mood
I see the light of a thousand worlds explode in your eyes
Oh God this poem's getting good...
==============
party with a grown man
but remember to check yourself for fleas...
hide if you can
and dovetailed! Hark, the flea!
================
man on grass
While Janie turns thumbscrews and fondles his chain
I don't want you, ass
although it's fun, we must abstain,
=========================
@ Let's Generate -
You forgot the panty crickets.
Blue Whale
Your award is on its way.
Funny Clown, bunch a balloons
I feel the need to weep and pray
=======================================
That generator is amazing...but why limit it to just the Finds?
Red Pen
"Fetid, fetid grow my nodes."
'bout macromolecules beyond his ken
=======================================
Pepper in your anus
Beyond the shady shadows there's little else to do
it's too bad I sneezed on you
I remember there's a lion in the zoo
a firefly laughs and subtly explodes
=======================================
Chrome Toaster
i still can't get over the alaskian oil spill
Please please don't think I'm a nutter.
due to his lawyer I get nothing from his will
========================================
Jason Bitner
Though widespread you feel the pearl you bought too
we stuck together , our love was the glue
with sand in my laces I said to the shrew
========================================
The booty don't stop.
I woke up ate jelly and combed my hair in anticipation of the storm
like a green sturgeon rising to the mountain top
Isn't not fitting in supposed to be the norm?
=========================================
Okay, that's enough of that.
(I thought someone else might like the honor of generating panty cricket prose. But here you go:)
anti fourth of july
the day breaks with band-aids on hand - and i pour a bowl of surreal
Mashed potatoes, where's the gravy baby?
In a world of reality, I wonder if I myself am truly real
================
panty crickets
which he happened upon, in the back of a magazine,
wild scraggly hairs...here let me plucket
No one could understand him, save the horrible machine,
==========
turbo in the thunderdome
Cause after the beating they all have to wear wigs.
and afraid of the days to come
Dancing many tangos, many waltzes, many jigs
================
do you see a doctor or dentist for a toothache
to sing, to dance, to watch "Frasier" weekly...
Behold! The pigeon brigade approaches!
though none could else but mumble and grimace meekly
================
spell palindrome backwards
A golden shower that doth descend from fascinating fuzz
as the tide of timef low relentlessly onward
Bringeth breadcrumbs bleeding bees abuzz.
Some bad poet has just been totally served!
Used to attend many open mic poetry sessions back in college and the years right afterwards and boy I wish I had copies of this Find to hand out! I'm sure I deserved to receive one or two myself. :)
Don't understand the criticism of the drawing or poor Kristen. I think both are likeable and the drawing illustrates well, the dull-eye look of a untalented poet. Hipsplaindrifter did you have a crappy day or what?
Here's some crappy poetry I made up myself,no computer involved.
MARY'S LITTLE LAMB HAS LICE
It would be nice
If Mary's lamb had no lice.
Then when I combed Mary's lamb
I wouldn't have to go home and wash thrice.
To rid myself of lamby lice.
Which doesn't taste near as good
as cooked lamb with rice.
Oh, Mary's lamb is covered in lice and so am I.
God, how I hate Mary!
Dig on this:
Robert Keim
Blasting out your retina, I would surmise
things are not always as they appear
Would give us all a big surprise!
===========================================
Ancient Vivi
April is the cruelest month,
Mashed potatoes, where's the gravy baby?
Febuary is the longest month,
===========================================
I have a crush on James Molenda.
and when you pull them out your head shrinks
He thought the trip longer, than a stretched Anaconda.
And then the little man boink
===========================================
My heart is an idiot.
So trudge we gladly to our bon-bons...
Reality is a staircase leading nowhere.
Who the hell used all the tampons?
==========================================
Turbo in the Thunderdome
when I felt that the magic of childhood had gone
while your chicken drips with some
Horders of paper bags: dreamers and clones.
That was fun!
This drawing reminded me of something by Shel Silverstein. But his poetry was genious.
...genius.
Drat, that still doesn't look right.
Bravo! Nightingale and everyone else who wrote "bad" poems for this Find.
I'm a little bit annoyed by my contribution. As I realized afterward that even by "bad" standards it really sucks! It's not bad in an interesting, clever or intelligent way at all. :(
Oh well...I've been really sick over the last week-which coincides with a spat of creativity here at Found, now that I'm starting to feel better....Wham! My creativity fizzles....Ahh, what will be, will be.
Smallbear, sorry you have been so sick. I am thinking it's about time for you to hibernate, eh.
Go with the flow. My body is trying to tell me the same thing. I may check back with you all in the spring.
Well, that may be so,
about my poetry,
but your illustrations
really suck
I'm not sure why everyone seems to think that's such a horrible drawing.
Actually, (IMHO) for what it is (or appears to be: simple line drawing, sharpie on plain white paper, or maybe an index card) and how quickly it was likely done, it's not bad at all. It reminds me of a stylized version of The Scream that I saw in some art book one time, and tried to copy for a page in an altered book. (with not-too-shabby results.)
I think the eyebrows are my favorite part.
So to all of you who think this is a shitty drawing.. "I like it. Better than I like you."
Take my elbow
yes, i'll carefully nibble-it
They crunch between my toes like bones of sparrows
who had quite an need to "chuck-it",
------
Imagine your goldfish
I feel the need for a glycerin suppository
"Thanks!" They replied "I'll rhyme orange with fish!"
a fly grasping warmth while perched on an integrated circuit
------
Tiktok, like a rainbow
you slushed blue guru
but behold I carry not one but two
Mashed potatoes, where's the gravy baby?
------
Ah, there's nothin' quite like bad poetry. Soak it in!
Ever since the first time I saw you
we stuck together , our love was the glue
I eat gods and I like this food,
you should taste it too
Reality is a staircase leading nowhere.
-----------------
BJ from the blone
Since you ran away with up your rear end his shoe!
aye mehomie i did and torned him to goo
Some ash gets up yer nose-"Achoo!"
-----------------
bunnee
I will KILL them and grind up their bones!
Weeping for the love to set her free
Ever blows the wind thru my bones
-----------------
Difficult to rhyme with Schneh
There are seven Places she could be
Funny Clown, bunch a balloons
The dogs, they dance with rabid glee
-----------------
Wow, those are remarkably terrible.
Hmm...
-----------------
Wow, those are remarkably terrible.
parched and broken, dead before bread
please pass the condiments down the table
Because he hates notebooks by mead.
-----------------
Thanks, Smallbear! You've entertained me.
Thanks fooch for the sympathy. Maybe I should hibernate, but I'm not really a hibernating sort of bear.
@Schneh Really? You're talking about my really bad, horrible, just awful, couldn't be any worse, stinks like a bag of garbage left out in the August sun, inferior, below par, substandard, terrible and dreadful "bad" poem?
Thank you!
Here's one generated using that website Sammy Davis mentioned:
While under the weather Smallbear tries to be creative,
Then shrivel up and moan
But are we sure that this is the life we want to live?
My poor weary body moans.
I write an astonishing amount of bad poetry while trying to create good poetry, or even palatable poetry. I also exchange bad haikus with a co-worker when we are supposed to be working. This is such an example of bad poetry. Nuff said.
(This was given to me by a friend back East, not created by myself. REALLY!)
At the pinnacle of emptiness
Lies the cavern of despair.
Nothing but my dead lover's bones
And clumps of her flaxen hair.
EEEEEEWWWWWWWW!
No literary prize for that train wreck, I suddenly hope he doesn't goon FOUND......
I instantly thought of The Smith's song, Frankly Mr.Shankly.
I didn't realize that you wrote poetry, I didn't realize you wrote such pretty awful poetry..
And I realized very quickly that your art is no good.
yes, amanda, so did i, and i trawled all the resposes for a reference to it!
long live smiths fans, eh?
(for the record, i really like the drawing)
luvd the poetry generator
Here's a lil douzy I wrote myself. Hope you enjoy.
Mary had a little lamb
With fleece as white as snow
But mary hit rock bottom
And sold that lamb for blow
is this suppossed to be demetri martin?