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July 23, 2008 |
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A "Different" Grocery List
FOUND by Shawn Shonerd
in Lincoln, Nebraska
I was cleaning up a table at Wendy's when I noticed that a customer had left his pad of paper wedged in one of the cracks of the booth with this page on top. Now, I'm not exactly snoopy, but when such "colorful" vocabulary catches your eye, it's hard not to take a look. Or two.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
This is gonna take a trip to two different stores, definitely.
Yeah, and a huge *shower curtain* for all them *sex toys*!!!!!
Nope - Walmart!
And in bulk, no less...
Oh boy! It's going to be a very special Thanksgiving feast this year!
Wow...after reading about the sex toys, it makes me wonder what all the other stuff is REALLY for!
Doesn't that last item seem a bit redundant? What *else* were they going to do with the cling film, onion, and the shower curtain?
Mmmmm...cranberry sauce... mmmm...oh yeah, that's right....yes, yes, yes, YES.... give it to me....oh my god
Gives a whole new meaning to the words "cream corn", dunnit?
Cling wrap...it just gets better and better...
and loooong foil.
Ahh, c'mon, the foil isn't THAT long...can't be.
Looks like the turkey's not the only thing getting stuffed this year.
Your sex toys can be found in any produce department.
What is long foil?
Remember the 'Sesame Street' song that went "one of these things is not like the others...."? There's definitely one thing on this list that isn't like the others. It doesn't fit. Shouldn't be there. Needs to be erased or go away. Jumps right out at you, doesn't it? How could anyone in their right mind put it on a list with the other things that are (if I remember the song correctly) "all the same"?
You all know what I'm talking about: "garbage bags"! Yep. The only thing on the list in cursive handwriting. Completely messes up the coherence of an otherwise completely printed list.
The nerve!
looks to me like the last two items were written by different people. I can just see the debauchery in the booth at Wendy's....
Author 1: Hey babe, here's my grocery list, can you think of anything we need to add?
Author 2: Yeah, we're outta' garbage bags, lemme' see that list.
Douchebag Friend, Author 3: HEY! I have something you'll DEFINITELY wanna pick up at the store!! *grabs list*
I'm telling you, this is how things went down.
I say...I have to agree with Stapler. It's even better when they leave the list on a tack board and you can wedge in the debauchery somewhere and they don't realize it until they've gotten to the store.
This usually results in either a humorous (if done to friends) or raging (if done to your mother) cell phone call.
didn't steve the buzzert have a long foil? oh, wait, no. that was the hand-painted poker.
Hahaha!!
My husband does this to my to-do lists. God, I hope noone ever finds one of those!!
I tried that cling wrap thing. It's actually pretty uncomfortable and messy.
Definately written by more than one person. But funny none-the-less
Oh, our author will need the exercise after a big meal.
Of course he'll need a long foil. How else is he going to practice his fencing?
I'm surprised several of you mentioned not knowing what long foil is. Doesn't it come in different lengths in your area? It does in mine. Six inches, 8 inches, or Grande. (Oops, I've said too much.)
onion tears for the decoy and celery for the attack xD
What on earth are they planning?
Thanksgiving orgy!
that handwriting looks a lot like one of my friends. she had even been in lincoln, nebraska for an art class every summer for a few years in a row while we were in high school. eerie.
I know all the other items are kinky but what's the onion for?
Looks to me like the bulk of the list was written by the man in the relationship. the Garbage bags was inserted by the woman, then the final item was written by the man. Only two people.
Compare the E in sex toys to the Es in cream, cranberry, celery, shower. Same Es. The Y's are the same, too. Aslo, there's a certain closeness of the letters in writer A's printing, while writer B's letters are more evenly spaced.
Beldar, wanna compare o's?
is it warm in here?
LOL! I love to to this to my friends grocery lists (penis shaped cucumber). I also like to write things like that on the boxes of people who I help move (sex toys and Tom Cruise shrine). And in the "notes" part of the checks (for sex and pancakes).
Didn't we have a thread a few months ago in which we commented about how we screw with other people's grocery lists? I think it was either Puckhog or Brain Problem that said he changed his friend's lists from "baked ham" to "baked hamster", etc. I know I will add things to my own list like that(anal lube, ball gag, etc.). I think I even gave an example. I will leave it in the cart for others to find. All of this explanation is basically because I'm too lazy to go back and look for it. And yes, ANOTHER grocery list. Harumph.
yeah, we did, mlm. and it wasn't even that long ago.
Shawn:
I AM exactly Snoopy.
Thank you.
Snoopy.
yes you are
Woodstock.
The "garbage bags" are rather troubling...sounds like someone wants to hide the evidence of the affair...or perhaps dispose of the body...
Snuff movie, anyone? The list reads like that awful horror flick about the "banquet." Can't remember the title but there was a seduction and murder and "fine food" involved.
I suppose you can't have 5-way chili every day....
And I did not see Orinoco's comment when I made mine. Bad Womble.
Orinoco, I can only assume you mean "The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover" the worst movie of all time, and to this day the only movie i've walked out of.
Ok, it was the only one until a year ago when I walked out of that movie that was supposed to be making fun of all the other movies, can't remember the name. It had the satyr from Narnia on an episode of MTV Cribs when I walked out.
The world needs more stores like these...
I'm definitely in the agreement that this was written by two people, but I'm intrigued by the fact that the letter "S" is capitalized in each instance... Sauce, Shower, & Sex
Hmm.
i was NOT expecting that last one! I was reading and I was like uggg another list, how boring and then that last one popped out at me. lol I suggest not buying your sex toys and lotions at the same place you buy your groceries. Might I suggest Lover's Lane? And remember kids "glad cling wrap" does NOT make a good condom in a pinch!
I can't think of a thing more to say about this find. Today's other find is another story, however!
@Wendy, that's the one. Blergh.
@Whiskey, I remember in about 1976 when the district nurse came to Child Development class and asked the kids what they knew about birth control, STDs and the like. I can still see her look of horror as she said, turning pale: "NOT Saran Wrap! It comes unwrapped!"
One wonders how she knew?
Also, she was singularly unimpressed with the supposed spermicidal properties of beaten eggwhite.
I am not bad by nature Lance--just far too observant for my own good.
The Os are unremarkable.
i meant..compare the big "O", beldar. my joke has fallen flat, i fear.
@Mona: the "French" aren't known for their sense of humour. You should have asked Beldar if he wanted to play ring-toss.
The cling wrap, in this context, makes me think of the sex education when they said you should have a protective barrier when performing oral sex on a girl incase of nasties. "Oh baby, you're so sexy, let me just get the cling film out, you lucky girl" haha, sexy. Think I'd say "let's just skip to the fucking"
What do you know about a big "O", dear Mona? Shall we compare your big "O" with my "long foil"? ;0 (Oooo,bad, bad bear!)
Effie, I never heard of that one. I definitely meant something else with the cling wrap.
Wasn't that in a movie (I'm thinking maybe "must love dogs"?) Where the main character is talking to her sister (the morning after not having sex with her date because they couldn't find condoms) and explains that in a pinch once she and her husband used seran wrap and their daughter was born 9 months later?
That's what I was thinking of at least. But you're also right with the unwrapping thought. lol
@searching for wisdom in the world
"Looks like the turkey's not the only thing getting stuffed this year" was the exact thing I said after reading this list!
Sex toys and lotions? Yooooohooo--Lancey Pantsy are you there???
another boring list
I was going to say, "Another boring list," but I saw the last item and then I was alert.
I think it was an add on from someone else...
:)
OK, so only someone that frequents Wendy's could be culpable of actually putting creamed corn, plastic wrap and sex toys on the same list (what a sight that would be in bed, or the tub, or wherever would be necessary for such messy sex). Cranberry sauce, lotions and foil do not sound very palatable either.
I wonder what the list would say if written by someone who frequents McDees (what a scary thought!)
Not dissing on your find but I think some of these shopping lists were made to be found...or at the very least they were amended when the writer realized they had the opportunity to have their lame shopping list on Found.
And let me just say to the kids out there, baggies are not effective condoms either. The corner joins break with minimal force applied. Stay safe kids.
Yes, that's right, kidz.. it's kinky sex week at Found. Join in the fun! But remember.. wear an actual condom.
Yeah, cause using virtual condoms can lead to actual pregnancy irl.
You're right!!! What language!!! I mean, come on!!! "Celery"!!!! WOW!!! Jeez, people. Learn some good manners!!!