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January 14, 2008 |
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Student
FOUND by Amanda
in North Carolina
I found this note by a computer in the library. I thought it was very strange.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
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Hahaha! This isn't strange, amanda! This is hilarious. Seriously! I've never been to fat camp, but I can only imagine how hard it must be... Poor thing just wants a tootsie pop! Can somebody just give the poor boy a tootsie pop?! Anyone?!
i must also say that i am pleased to see that this kid has killer punctuation skillz.
I like that it's written in green pen, green being kinda usually associated with healty veggies and stuff.
It's weird that the note's author says "send candies".. do they want Jolly ranchers? Lemon drops? Those little mush-filled hard candies that Gramma always has in the candy bowl? (don't eat 'em. they're covered with cat hair.)
"send Candy!"
this is amazing/hilarious. excellent find!
I find it interesting that he wrote the note in green.
Those crafty counselors can brain-wash them and they don't even know it. Another couple of weeks he won't remember what candy is.
I love this, I starting busting out laughing and my roommates just stared at me. It's pretty much the best!
This is the best. Kim, I started laughing in front of my roommates too! Poor kid just wants some candies.
Dear Son,
If you eat one more candy, your going to kill yourself. I love you so I sent more veggies.
Love, Mom
P.S. Tell Tommy to stuff it!
This is great. Send Me Candy And Noone Gets Hurt! Tommy says so!
I, too, found "candies" to be a peculiar way for this kid to word it. Before I saw where it was from, I assumed it must have been a British kid. Maybe his folks moved to North Carolina from the U.K.? Maybe if he'd had more room, or a smaller writing utensil, it would gone like this:
Dearest Mumsy,
I am terribly afraid to inform you that if I continuously eat these dreaded, bland vegetables, you shall find me dead of my own hand. Fat Camp is alarmingly appalling. Please, Mumsy, do send some candies post haste!
P.S. Cousin Thomas would, similarly, be simply delighted at the delivery of said candies.
well, British children normally say "sweets"
haha you people are hilarious
Its funny I asumed it was a girl when I
read it the first time,
not a boy.
But I could understand why you
think it to be a boy.
Poor child,
I hate green beans and peas...
and olives and mushrooms.
detest the stuff really
but I loved steamed brocoli
haha :D
Yeah, Dave, cos we all talk like that.
No child, anywhere, would say "candies." They would say "candy", "sweets" (if British), or specify WHAT they wanted if they were longing for a favourite. I think this is a joke-note written by an adult, probably one of the child's parents. Or indeed, that there is no child involved at all--just an inside joke between two adults.
maybe theyre not particular
"Send me something! Anything!"
You know what I think? I think there is no cousin Tommy, fatty just wants all the candies in the world!
'The Captain' is thought EXACTLY the same thing about the pen colour!
A prime example of simultaneous co-dependance and enabling. If this person were pleading for someone to send him and "cousin Tommy" a pint of whiskey or just one more meth fix it would be pathetic.
I love this note, particularly the green pen. I think it's "candies" because the kid wants to emphasize the plural-ness of the noun. After all, he'll need to replace those vegetables every day, and you can't quite do that with just one mere candy.
I know a lot of really deep woods country folk around here that say "candies." I'm not certain, but I think it refers to a different candy than your usual sort?
My british friend always called candy "smarties." Feel free to chime in, Shelly from the UK. As long as Washington isn't you spam question.
I dunno, I think there are some children that would say "candies." Especially like if they wanted multiple types of candy. Kinda like "monies" or "peoples." But I don't know how many children would think of it that way.
Obesity must run in the family.
Fake!
I don't think that anyone ever wants a tootsie pop. Unless they're deranged.
This must be written in code.
evenif the kid would say 'candies' I'm sure that he/she would NOT refer to a cousin as 'Cousin Tommy'...who says that??? It would have just been 'Tommy'. Obviously the mother knows who Tommy is.
Mom is not sympathetic. She sent you to fat camp. You should've written to Grandma.
LM, they may want a tootsie pop, but I can't anyone ever craving a tootsie roll. Maybe he/she and tommy wanted some shoes. Night in gale, Ha, Ha too true.
Amanda, why did you title this "Student"?
Ahhhh. I want my mom to send me bread. Nothing better than filling CARBS!!!!!!!
Should have been called "kill fatty"
i vaguely remember a letter like this in a children's lit book.
I had to go to to church camp in Gloretta, NM. Yuk, I would have rather stuck needles in my eyes.
OK... here i am.. 'weighing in' on this find. It doesn't ring true to me. Would the kid call it 'fat camp'? maybe i'm projecting, but i'd say "SEND CHOCOLATE", not candies. lol Cousin tommy? no..kid wouldnt say that. s/he'd just say tommy. Mom knows who tommy is. s/he didnt sign it. What kid doesn't sign a letter to mom? what library? Was it a public library? school library? we need more specifics. Surely to god submitters realize our need for data, facts, details. i have to agree with amanda.... very strange indeed. and nightingale..yes, gramma would be way more sympathetic, and probably be able to disguise candies in a lovely veggie casserole.
I think this is a fake!! Maybe two classmates poking fun at a T.V. series they watched the night before...also, being bored whilst in the library, as well!
It's called, amusement!!
I actually used tootsie pops when I quit smoking: They took longer to dissolve than Dum Dums.
And calling them "candies" sounds slightly more refined, like you're referring to those little hard sweets elderly women keep in glass bowels on end tables. They sound like they would do less to undermine the weight loss than, say, Snickers or Hershey’s With Almonds: This kid is clever.
That was supposed to say "bowls." Why my office spell-check auto-corrected it to "bowels" is beyond me... although somewhat fitting considering the context. Elderly persons... bowels... I’m going to stop now...
Glass bowels???
I think Amanda wrote it, tossed it on the ground, " found " it, and sent it in. I really do.
Note to self: Don't send any kids of mine to fat camp. It causes suicidal thoughts.
haha...the chubby kid will need glass bowels after all those veggies! this was probably a school assignment. i, too, recall something like this in a children's book
Glad to be the source of so much amusement :-P
my first thought was, "fake!" and since it's monday and i'm going to trust my intuition, fake it is.
Well, if you have seen any documentaries on fat camp, first off, ALL the kids call it "fatcamp", like one big long word, so that doesn't seem fake to me, like Mona Lisa mentioned. Every single one of them did. And only about 95% actually wanted to be there themselves or wanted to actually be healthy. No one wanted to actually work for it. Those kids complained SO much!
This kid almost sounds like he is from New York, from the "Cousin Tommy" aspect. I am not sure who else would label a cousin by that "formal" or ("informal") a name.
I used to call my one cousin "Cousin Linda"... Not sure why. Started when I was small, and just kept it up until everyone referred to her that way.
I obsessively watched a reality show on Bravo (or somewhere) about kids at FAT CAMP the other night. A friend of mine was sent as a kid and tells hilarious stories about his experience trying to diet and camp at the same time.
The show was kind of touching: you were really rooting for those kids to get it together with the exercise and healthy eating. A couple of them seemed to do well, but the rest were just writing sad notes home, begging for candy. To me, it seemed like a lot of them just needed a few more years to pass by so they could leave home, come out, and live proud gay (thin) lives.
Anyway, this note is both funny and sad.
I dunno if it is a New York thing, but in my large Italian New York family, we tend to use the same names over and over, so you need to specify which Tommy you are talking about. Uncle Tommy? Cousin Tommy? Little Tommy? Big Tommy? We have the same thing in my family with Stevens and Joes.
ok - what would make this "fake". it's a real found, but not a real letter. it hink amanda even acknowledges that with her title "student"
it's obviously on a slip ofpaper they provide at computer terminals to write down the catalogue numbers (what the hell do you call them??) and unsigned.
written between two students as a joke, or whathaveyou.
My daughter's say "cousin Tori, cousin Lauren". But no kid would say candies!!! Maybe it is a real find but its just a joke between adults.....or maybe its a fake? I don't know what to think of this.
Does Fat Camp still exist? I thought it was one of those child-teaching torture devices they got rid of along with the strap and the iron maiden.
I would be suicidal if I couldn't have any chocolate too. I gave it up for lent last year and it nearly killed me!
Dave in Salem, I loved the British version. Spot on!
candies=lots of candy. Lots of kinds of candy. Don't send just one measly little bag. Send. Me. Lots. Of. Frickin'. Candy. Stat!
And yes, there might be lots of fat tommies @ camp. Gotta be specific. (The family that eats together...)
Yea....I know the feeling kid.....
It's not written by a kid. See the way the D loops in Candies? Kids don't do that. Someone would have to be old enough to have learned handwriting and then reverted naturally to printing. I project at least 13.
But, this raises more questions about this find. I think it's two young adults playing some sort of game, but I don't know what. Tom is the name of one. Either that, or someone copied this down from somewhere. I agree with the finder, very strange.
Also, why was it found by a computer in a library.
I think that this kid has just gone to a new school, and the food there is dire. He's told his mom, and they have a joke about calling it 'Fat Camp' 'cos it's so obsessed with healthy eating. So this is just a nice joke with his mom.
And Nightingale, you always crack me up!
Is there a theme emerging? Is it letters to Mom week? (with seven commandments in the middle) The green ink fits right in with commandment 7's recyle theme.
While it *IS* quite possible that it wasn't written home to Mom by a kid at fat camp, that doesn't mean that Amanda in NC didn't Find it by a computer in the library and Find it strange. It's a Found note. That's all the critera it needs to meet.
sarasara, your long word messed up the formatting, so that when the comments page is open I can only see half the Find... maybe next time just a space between with and candycorn? TYVM.
Oh, it was sarasara who did that? (now it says 'ear Mom'). Creative girl! Do it again!! (It’s called 'pushing the envelope'.)
Pepper, Smarties got renamed M&Ms a few years back so no one says Smarties in the UK any more.
Withnail, heaven knows what elderly ladies keep in their bowels.
Yes, this Find feels fake to me. To much like a neat adult's handwriting and sense of humour. Reminds me of that old Allan Sherman song 'Hello Mudduh, Hello Fadduh' (to a tune from Ponchielli's 'La Gioconda', incidentally – but you knew that).
jonathan... while i am familiar with the Allan Sherman song, i did not know that the tune was named after myself. Thank you for that.
Very strange business, indeed. Sorry for screwing up the formatting. I blame it on the candy, and also the pills and booze...
Camp Grenada! Thanks Jonathan, hadn't thought of that in years!
buahahahaha!
I think this must be an inside-joke of sorts, written down for a good laugh.
Mona, you might be on to something.
If Pink Floyd were a bunch of tofu-eating otter-scrubbers, you could turn this into, "If you don't eat your veggies, you can't have any candies!"
Or if you're a fan of The Who (greatest rock band EVER), you could spend some time at "Tommy's Fat Camp".
Don't mind me. Just rambling. I think I have a Smartie/M&M lodged some place embarassing...
My sister and I used to write similar notes in grade school... We were raised vegan and used to beg our classmates for chocolate and cheese and such.
"Please let me try a bit of that! If i have to eat one more rice dish I'll die!"
Now we're both lacto and much happier!
PS. "Spam protection: Who was the first president of the United States (last name only) ?" The heck?! What happened to math and days of the week!??
perhaps in your glass bowel, turbo? (sorry, withnail in I.. you just KNOW we can't just forget it..)
did anyone ever catch the ode to Suzanne Sommers, sung to the same tune as Camp Granada? (suzanne sommers, how you doin? what's been shakin? what's been brewin? we sure miss your.. entertaining. since you've been on TV less, we've been abstaining...)
Of course, it was written after she left three's company and well Before she found the Thigh Master gig.
I'm only commenting on the comments because i have nothing for the Find.
Man. It was late last night and i spelled my own name wrong. Plus I had just shot up.
Anyway, for the record, I think it was written by an adult, too. What kid uses punctuation when he's THAT desperate? Also, I like tootsie pops but only if i'm deranged...and if they're the red ones.
Suck it up and eat some spinach. Seriously, vegetables are fantastic.
Just pretend you're Popeye.
TURBO, you've got me wondering what Emerson, Lake and Palmer would have done with this Found. Or indeed, Iron Butterfly: "Ima godda da eat-a, baybee..."
And if you get that reference, you are at least as old as I am! (Old Wombles never die, they just get recycled. Look at Bernard Cribbins.)
The camp with the difference,
nevermind the weather,
when you come to Tommy's,
your thighs just rub together--Haha!
Orinoco: And now I have the drum solo in my head. How old did I just admit to being? :-P
Lil' Old Me: It makes me giggle, so mock away!
Katherine, do you tell your kids that fruits are nature's candies?
Turbo! Don't Put That In You...r.....mouth...nevermind
the GoGos: We don't eat beets, we don't eat beets, we don't eat beets, nooooo, we don't eat beets!
throw 'em out, flush 'em down, they go 'round and 'round and 'round...
Well, I don't think people with glass bowels ought to go around telling other people what they should eat. *hmph*
oooh..Aunt Betty. I think you get the prize today. Just send me your banking information, and a $40 cheque, and i'll forward the Found Prize of the Day to your account.
I didnt know Wombles listened to ELP... wow..learn something new every day.
I think it's part of an English assignment, personally. They're supposed to write a short story, and the note was a doodle while trying to think something up. Doesn't it sound like a student's idea of what characters in books might say? I hope she/he gets an A.
Your mother, I am far too young to have kids, but when I was a kid, I ate tons of vegetables.
I ate fruit as well.
I also ate candy.
Who says you can't eat all of them?
OK although it does have an air of a fake note written by adults perhaps ...
I feel the need to share my personal experience on this
First I call my cousin "Cousin Becca, Cousin Tim , Cousin etc..."
It's always been that way in my family the title goes first in family it also helps keep any confusion of friends or coworkers with same name to a minimum.
Second everyone in my community uses candies as the plural although candy itself can be it's mostly how the teachers in school teach that determines the spelling / choice of words that and what is used in the home.
Fat camp or as it's called in my parts wieght control fitness camp is a terrible place insisting wieght gain is from over indulgence and laziness only. When in truth wieght gain can be from not eating enough or countless sources of poor health. If parents are worried visit a docter first make sure your kid is eating lunch not chucking it most kids throw away sack lunches and get a good breakfeast in no breakfeast big wieght gain. End of story.
Handwriting started in grade two at my school by grade five or six I stopped as my handwriting was horrible but heldon to pieces such as loops and maintaing fluidity in motion.
This looks like a note I wrote my own Mother when I was at camp not fat camp but more a ranch camp the food was so bad I only ate a small amount if any undercooked squares of ramen served with no flavor in water was the average lunch I mostly survived off of a junk stash of colourful candies at night.
Ha, ha, ha. Funny.
People with glass bowels shouldn't throw stones?
Ow....too many jokes....trying to come out....at once. Ow, it hurts. So many evil things I...can....say. Ahhh. (explodes)
What do you get when you eat bran and candy at the same time? A Lady Brandy explosion.
Turbo? Get. Away. From. There.
What i want to know is: is that kitty actually IN the toilet bowl, or does that kitty call the restroom/bathroom/washroom the toilet?
Right, Sneebs, and they shouldn't throw hard candies, either.
Aw, well that just takes all the fun out of it!
@ Lil' Ol Me - When my glass bowel gets irritable, I just spray it with a bit of Windex. It's hilarious when the birds fly into it becuase it's so clear.
Orinoco, I recommend you get your Bernard Cribbins checked by a qualified physician. I believe it is cause by too much 1970's prog rock/heavy metal. Plus, it itches somethin' fierce.
A Ghost in Lost and Found - Absofuckintively Hilarious. I'm rubbing my thighs together in hopes of starting a fire in your honor.
Don't worry, Your Mother. I only put things in my mouth when I don't know where they have been. But you do sound like my mother. I think I'll call her.....an overbearing soul-sucker!
As Bow Wow Wow once said:
"I want candies! Candies at Fat Camp, there's nothing better, I like candies best stuck in a too-tight sweater. I want candies."
i just wanted to say that i love lance pants in a trance's name.
lol
Silly Millie. <3
Excuse my rant, but smarties are still smarties in England. M&Ms and smarties are different sweets. No one in the UK calls it the UK... we call it England(unless you're from Wales ect).
And the 'dear mumsy' poster, you really are a comedy genius. *ahem*
I hate it when I say "Man, I'm hungry!" and all the skinny people around me look up with fear in their eyes, thinking I'm so hungry I might eat them.
Just to be clear I'm fat cause I eat candies not humanies.
yeah, i'm going to have to side with the fake note theory.
it just too perfect, it seems like a joke.
but if it wasn't, i would feel badly for making fun! i'm sure it sucks to be stuck at fat camp without candies :[
*GASP!!* Of all the Nerve, Jonathan! You should be ashamed. All this time, you've been pretending to be in England? Well, Overworked in England says you can't possibly be in England, because you called it the UK, and NO ONE In England calls it the UK. I'm shocked and appalled at this duplicity!!!
PS: overworked: generalize much?
At Halloween, some of the neighbors gave out candies called Smarties, and they were candy coated chocolates (well, I think it was chocolate-flavored candy, maybe carob or something. they weren't very yummy. Maybe they were old, though.) Then some OTHER neighbors gave out MY Kind of Smarties- those tart little powdery candies that come in a roll.. My fave.
Smarties are smarties, M&Ms are mingin and I don't see the problem with the word candies. In Scotland (not the UK, or even the more politically correct GB) the general term for all things sweet and toothrotting and weight generating is sweeties.
I want a sweetie, and I want a good Cadbury's sweetie, made with too much fat for US sale.
Soor plooms for pity's sake, even just some soor plooms!
Turbo, it had to have been written by cousin Kevin. Here's one more before I go up in a puff of smoke.
Inside Outside
You know where it goes
Inside Outside
You know that it shows
Inside Outside
What's with these greens?
Out of my brain
For some Jelly beans!
I don't for one minute think it's a real letter from camp. Who even still writes letters anymore? Wouldn't it more likely be an e-mail?
For the record real smarties (the tart little tablets that come in a roll in a wrapper) cure hangovers. Cheers!
those are rockets in canada
smarties are chocolate
FAKE
There are several kids' books about fat camp, including the Fat Camp Commandos series. I think this is the rough draft for a book report assignment; the student was required to write a letter from a character in the book. This might explain the stilted references to candies and Cousin Tommy.
someone wrote it. then left it. someone else found it. then sent it to found.
FIND.
& that's all i got to say 'bout that.
I never eat them so what do I know?
Last time I looked I'm sure England was in the UK. Or did somebody not tell me something?
On the other hand I thought Wimbledon was in England ;-(
Anyone else seen that video of a blonde in a competition who has never heard of Hungary and thinks Europe is a country -- 'They speak French there, don't they? France ain't a country, is it? Hungry? Never hearda THAT! Hearda Turkey!' Scary.
Turbo, another brilliant insult -- 'bunch of tofu-eating otter-scrubbers' -- thanks!
Someone in my orchestra came up with a Conductor smiley so here it is as a change from elephants:
:-)-/--<
yeah, jonathan...i think that was kelli pickler---silly blonde from american idol that tries to be dumb...and succeeds
Ornico womble- that's too funny. And no, I'm not as old as you, but I bet my dad is. :)
I honestly haven't laughed harder at comments in a while. You're a clever, clever bunch.
I want to watch "Heavy Weights" now...
Writer, Rejected in sympathy - was it on MTV? Was there a camper named Diane who sang a sweet rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama"? If so, it was the MTV special. I got sucked into watching that last week too.
Jonathan: I don't think that little smiley is a conductor. I think that actually it's a tightrope walker. Is someone in your ochestra trying to send you a message?
it isn't fake!!!
i dont think its a fake find, i agree that amanda found it. i dont think its a real letter from camp, tho.
111 comments??? Geezo!
Have Fun, Clover! :-b
CuriousKat, I think conductors would tell you there ain't much difference between a conductor and a tightrope walker.
On the other hand:
Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A: A bull has horns at the front and an a**hole at the back.
)*j'(
Blonde video
Http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=47
AAAAAH!! My brain hurts!! Somewhere deep in my psyche ten thousand gibbering monkeys are trying to put this found to the music of "Nights in White Satin"!!
Jonathan, Wimbledon Common is not a place, it's a state of mind...For anyone who cares, Wales isn't in England, but it IS in Britain, though I have friends in Swansea who speak of "going to Britain" when they mean London...maybe it's only Wales and Scotland who put the U in UK. Certainly Wales puts the G in GB!! ;P
Weeeeoooow, wild talk in here today! Love the orchestra joke! I've been lying on the floor writhing with laughter till my stomach hurts. The find itself..meh...but people are such a trip!
Yay!
oh my gosh the amount of hilarious comments about britain on here! I'm from England, I sometimes called it the UK. Sometimes Britain, whatever. And our version of this letter would more likely be :
Mum,
Fat camp is rubbish, I hate veggies, give me some chocolate or I'll kill myself.
p.s Tommy wants some too
For some reason I aways fail to be amused at people taking the piss out of England, even if I do hate being here.
Orinoco: the Victorians (as you doubtless know already) used to refer to Scotland as 'North Britain', which is great way to get up a Scotsman's nose.
There's a joke about 'Who puts the [something-or-other] in Scunthorpe?' but I don't think we'll go there.
Orinoco, this one's for you:
Note to my mother
Never reaching her hand
Lost in the library
To FOUND she will send
Fat camp is the worst
One more veg I'll kill myself
Please send candies now
OMG!!, You ppl are quite quite clever!
I think this note is in code...
"candies" refering to well, pixie stix dust;)
ahh pixie stix! Candy of the Gods.
Jonathan, thanks for sharing that URL, even though it was truly painful to watch. Wow.
When I was a kid my mother made me eat boiled squash. I vomited all over the kitchen table with everything else that I ate. My mother then punished me for it saying I did it on purpose.
frank
Ummm.. thanks for sharing today Frank.
yeah...fake. who approves these? so obviously not written by a non-adult!
well i say lollies :)
It may not be "fake," in that it may actually have been found somewhere, but it clearly wasn't written by a kid. It's probably an inside joke.
LMAO!!!
I'm putting this on my Myspace!
The British version(well a kid from London at least) would go more like this:
Mum,
If I eat ANY MORE VEGGIES, I'm gonna die!! Fat Camp is HELL!! Send all the junk you can find!
by the way, tommy wants some too!