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December 28, 2007 |
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Extremely Urgent
FOUND by Matt Bender
in Washington, DC
I found this while walking our dog a few months ago. To me this seems to be the nonsensical ramblings of a person suffering from paranoid delusions. Perhaps it is secret FBI code. In any case, the handwriting is nice.
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
This is obviously a plea from the Log Lady to Gary Cole, asking that Special Agent Dale Cooper immediately cease bragging about her log. She kind of has a point, considering that Coop really has no basis for taking credit for the log's childhood accomplishments.
what what what?
flargy-- good point, the log lady makes more sense.
Also. I need some *new shoes*
p.s. i had forgotten that crazy people can have really really nice handwriting... huh, go figure.
Since DC has Galludet, I would guess that it is a deaf person, and they are probably paranoid abuot something, but the nonsensical ramblings are completely normal, those people rarely make sense.
Wow!! I have never been one of the first posts :D I can't seem to decipher what is says after " about me or my child until...." can't figure that out but none of it makes sense, maybe it's one of the "meth housewives" we have so many of in Utah lol :P
attn: F.B.I. Workorder Office
as soon as possible
Follow up.
05/01/06
Hi Hearing Division and Signal Hearings and talk
Can you please not bragg about me or my child until an yearn people leake is placed somewhere.
Statement
"Keep pushing him/her or else."
We will bragg all we like, about whomever we choose. We are The Hearing Division, and we do not take our orders from the Workorder Ofice. We never have. Furthermore, it is our belief that there is little likelihood that leake will be placed anywhere, any time soon.
Thank you for your input on this vital matter.
What's "creepy" about this is it looks *very* much like my mother's handwriting...and yes, she was paranoid and delusional, though she could hear (she only played deaf when she didn't want to listen...but then with so many kids, hardly surprising.)
"Until an yearne people"...hmmm. Sounds like ancient Anglo Saxon. Until a year from now?
Reminds me of a friend's signature line: "I know I live in a world of my own, but it's OK; everybody knows me here."
I wish my handwriting were that nice, but as far as nonsensical ramblings I do that just fine.
I just have to say Stella you are an idiot for stereotyping deaf people as nonsensical and delusional. Have you ever had a conversation with a deaf person? Did you know that American Sign Language has grammatical and syntax differences from Standard English and is considered a separate language in most school systems? I think you owe the deaf community an apology.
Freaky!! This note smacks of my mother in law's handy work. She has the same handwriting and she is also paranoid/delusional. The only difference is that my MIL would have included something about aliens somewhere for certain.
Terrific find!!
Stella that was kinda of stupid. What were you thinking, you will be lynched on this site. Worse than found posting a fake.
Makes no since at all, therefore I would like to meet this person. I love crazy street people.
My spouse used to be into Scientology and still receives countless pieces of mail and phone calls. This sounds like the "language" they use.
attn: F.B.I. Workorder Office
as soon as possible
Follow up.
05/01/06
Hi Hearing Division and Signal Hearings and talk
Can you please not bragg about me or my child Suri until an yearn people leake is placed somewhere.
Statement
"Keep pushing him/her or else."
Tom Cruise
There are so many people out there who write letters like this, it's starting to really fascinate me.
The Smithsonian has a 'letter writer' who sends in comprehensive 'archeological' reports of what he finds in his backyard. For instance, he dug up a barbie head and labeled it to send in.
The response is halarious:
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/blbyol6.
Ha!
Well, I read down past the letter and there is a disclaimer (of a sort) stating that the letter is, in fact, a fabrication and not a real person writing at all.
I'm quite disappointed, and I hope that the one here on Found is real and not a joke.
Reminds me of the letters my supervisor writes.
She'll start off on one topic, get distracted (by a bright shiny object, no doubt,) and then pick up in a totally different place without bothering to realize that she's just written a page of nonsense. My personal favorite is “could you please when you get back because the forms are too small for me to see and Hannah is not typing today. Not necessarily in that order :-)”
I have that one blutacked to the wall over my desk.
I wonder if the statement "Keep pushing him/her or else" is supposed to relate to the child that the Hearing Division is always bragging about, or if it is just a little extra note, referring to someone else? Valerie Plame, for instance. It's hard to know when everything is so secret-squirrel coded. Maybe this is not a crazy person's note, but a government person's note.
Stella, what you said about Deaf people is way uncool. Not digging it at all.
Watch out! She's throwin' cats!!!
obiviously folks, brittney wrote it.
I hope you guys are teasing Stella. I was going to tease her myself because of the way that statement reads, but I'm pretty sure she meant that paranoid people (not deaf people) rarely make sense.
If I'm wrong, Stella, please come back and confirm that we're both idiots (you being a much bigger idiot then I am, of course).
Bored, I beleive Stella was referring to paranoid people, not deaf people. At least that's the way I took it.
Cool find!
I reread the posting and Stella clearly states that deaf people(those who attend Galludet, a Deaf University) are paranoid and rarely make sense. NO where in her post does she talk about the mentally ill.
I love it. It makes no sense.
Farmer, that made me laugh! Is the Hearing Division connected in some way to FEMA?
A E I O U and sometimes Y and W.
Okay, here's an example of Y being a vowel. (an yearn people leake) But when is W a vowel? This has always bothered me.
Mental illness is mysterious and sad, whether one can hear or not. I never pondered whether or not deaf people who have mental illness have auditory hallucinations. I suppose they would. But what do they sound like? I hope I never know, actually.
Unlike the writer, I do like it when other people bragg about my child.
The light bulbs won't shut up! I bleed mannequins.....poptarts are good, PleasE stop the Vapor Rub!! Paper cuts in the closet and Turkey Waffles. OR ELSE!!
Really I think that people TRY to pick out poorly worded things that people say and find ways to be offended by them. You see this done to politicians all the time. The Stella post is just another example.
Folks, Stella clearly DID NOT mean that deaf people are paranoid. She meant a) it is likely a deaf person because of the reference to the Hearing Division and because of the proximity of Galludet and b) the note is written by a paranoid, dellusional person. She was not relating those two facts, although she could have helped her cause with a couple of extra words and perhaps some punctuation.
To those who want Stella to be an evil person so badly: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Trust me on this: Never push a him/her. They hate that.
I'm with Save Stella. Poor Stella just happened to word something awkwardly, and the vultures "need" someone to attack.
I still have in my possession pages and pages of strange ramblings from a paranoid schizophrenic woman I knew 20 years ago. fascinating stuff. I just ran across them again the other day.
seems Ms teen South Carolina got herself a federal gig. such as US america, therefore
If Stella truly does not mean to say that deaf people rarely make sense, that is one heck of an awkwardly worded phrase. One might say it is a nonsensical rambling.
at first i thought these were someone's notes for a telephone conversation to a school regarding their deaf child. now i think it might be a coded note from an FBI agent who can't spell bragg. or maybe it's about fort bragg?
or maybe it's just some crazed person's scribbles.
Could the writer mean "until a young people leak is placed somewhere"? Would that be a young person that has the job of leaking information? Could the writer think her child would be good for that job but that the FBI's constant bragging will blow her child's future cover? Those braggers could be ruining her baby's chances of being hired for the job! Hmmmmm. Sounds like one of my clients.
No, it wasn't poorly phrased...she meant it to be a statement about deaf people. She is clearly just an ignorant person.
Isn't this the third time in the past few weeks that people are "attacking" someone making a comment, when everyone here "attacks" anonymous people on a daily basis? I'm taking everyone's stones away. No more throwing them from your glass house. No punching the other houses either- that goes double for you, Sebastian.
And um, "kinda of" ?
Incidentally, I looked up "people leake" thinking maybe there might be something obscure to explain this. Ok, so I'm really bored at work. Anyhow, I found this:
"A 15-YEAR-OLD resident of Leake and Watts Services, a child-care agency here for troubled young people, was talking about his life before he came to live on the agency's campus."
It has no correlation with the FBI, Workorder Office or bragging people, but it does say leake and has to do with a troubled young person.
::shrug::
I wonder which is scarier, a people leake or lake people. Or a leake of lake people.
Which would be messier? People juice or lakewater and muck?
P:
Sadly, that girl goes (went?) to the high school that my daughters will one day attend. It's one of the best schools in the area. Yeah.
Clover, it's not. I don't think...
It's just "and sometimes Y" not "sometimes Y and sometimes W" that just doesn't fit in the song at all.
Anyone remember this find?:
http://www.foundmagazine.com/comments/432
It must have been written by a blind aardvark. Those people rarely make sense.
excuse the misplaced apostrophe.
Stella, you ignorant slut!
What?! Now you're attacking the blind? (Of course I'm teasing you.) 8-)
They make perfect sense if you'd only listen.
Okay, let's beat a dead horse and talk more about the Stella comment. At first I was in the lynch Stella camp, thinking she was saying nasty things about the deaf. But then after seeing some of the comments about the comments about the original comment, I went to re-read it. Now I'm not so sure. It could be taken either way. This is what Stella wrote:
"Since DC has Galludet, I would guess that it is a deaf person, and they are probably paranoid abuot something, but the nonsensical ramblings are completely normal, those people rarely make sense."
Now, playing Stella-devil's advocate, the "those people" she's refering to could be the "they" who are "probably paranoid about something," and not necessarily in any way related to wether or not said person is deaf.
I choose to believe this theory since Stella has never seemed like a dipsh!t to me in the posts I've read from her before.
Does anybody else find the high-wasted/unitard ad at the top of the screen as annoying as I do? It's all I can look at. . . .please, make it stop!
LOL Turbo you crack me up!! I would have to say a lake of leake people would be pretty creepy! As for the whole deaf comment that I TOTALLY missed! I know someone that is deaf and they are one of the smartest most grounded and definitly more coherent than I am lol
I think this Find is a rough draft of points to cover in a very important letter. That's why it doesn't make sense to us. After the holidays, I'll contact a friend in the bureau and post the finished letter.
Clover, my dear--W is considered a "vowel" when it is in a dipthong like "how" or "awful"--but only in phonological/morphological circles. Of course if you speak Welsh you know that W and Y are indeed vowels, the most often-used in Cymric. (OK, that's a slight exaggeration, but very slight. Boredd Da, all!)
Dear Statement,
We have successfully stopped bragging once we received the mind control implants we won on Ebay. They were implanted in your heads 3 seconds before you finished reading this correspondence.
Your's Truly,
F.B.I. Work Order Office -MKULTRA Division
this is cool!
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2321924
Great comment, Flargy! But surely you mean Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole, not actor Gary Cole. I said, YOU MEAN GORDON COLE! GORDON! BEND, OREGON! :)
Grossed Out, I'm with you. I always wonder how many of the comment posters on Found are wearing high waisted shorts while they surf the net.
Good catch, Found It! However, imagine how much more amazingly bizarre that show would have been if Dale Cooper answered directly to Gary ColeMAN!
"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Coop?"
I'm commenting before I read the other comments. This does sound like my friend Dirk, who is paranoid schizophrenic. But I'm sure some brilliant commenter has come up with a rational explanation for this ill find. No?
Whoever wrote the note has great handwriting except for those Fs. The F in FBI and the F in follow up are both just weird.
For the record, I am wearing a high waisted unitard as I type this.
Ben Jammin thats HOT! (that was my best Paris Hilton impression I could come up with. Let me tell you it's hard to get your mind that blank to come up with a compliment that amazing!)
Clover and Orinoco: I remember reading that "cwm" (koom - a cirque: a steep-walled semicircular basin in a mountain; may contain a lake) is supposedly the only word in the English language that does not contain a, e, i, o, u or y as a vowel. Orinoco will be pleased to note its origins.
I actually understood several of the jokes and references today. I want to thank everyone who spoke slowly and winked at the appropriate time.
I agree that the writer is talking about auditory hallucinations and not his or her ability to hear. By "hearing division" I believe she meant "listening division," which would include the "signal intelligence service" and subsequent divisions within the military and later the NSA that listen in on electronic communications. I love that the author begins her letter with "Hi." It's always heartening to get a letter from a paranoid who isn't angry.
Martina, "sometimes y and w" is the way my mother taught it to me. I don't know why she learned it that way (as a child in the 1930s in Tacoma Washington) and then repeated it that way to me. When I asked her why W was a vowel, she merely shrugged because she didn't know the answer either.
So, thank you Orinoco! It now makes sense to me! and even though I don't speak Welsh and I have no idea what Cymric is, I think that what you say is credible, and I will pass it on as truth to my mother (now in her 80's and an amazing poet and writer, I might add!)
Stella is my chicken's name, so I will excuse her this time.
I wish my clients with schizophrenia would write me letters.
Y and W are my favorite letters. It doesn't bother me if they swing both ways.
Thanks, Midlife, I can recycle that "cwm" comment in my History of the English Language class Wed. It makes sense, since the only word the Welsh have for themselves translates as "the people of the valley" and they use the word "Cwm" to mean Wales. Which is indeed ringed about with mountains. As a T-shirt which I should have bought and didn't has it: "If Wales were ironed out it would be bigger than England."
acutally, cwm isonly one word withno vowels...another one is nth. or sh. or hm. or mm.
i know, i know. they're mostly cheats that are only two letters long, but still...
i'm sure there's more...
(your local scrabble addict. not that i study the booklets. or nowthe words that are all vowels too...or know the difference between what's accepted in SOWPODS and TWL....)
space bar sticking aside, i Know the difference between Know and now...i just don't type well...lysdexic boardkey, know ya'...
Stella is the new Pepper! ( and the word UNITARD says it all. )
Dear Manda in the Middle: "w" *is* a vowel sometimes, pronounced "oo." Like Clover's mom, we too were taught "and sometimes y and w" when I was in grade school in the middle of the last century.
And thank you, blessed Orinoco. Webster's Third doesn't offer that rich background for the word cwm. I had no idea. Fascinating.
While poking around on the Internet just now, I came across "crwth" (krooth), which also appears in my English dictionary. A crwth is "an ancient Celtic musical instrument with a shallow body and varying number of strings that were originally plucked but later played with a short bow." Not surprisingly, crwth is also Welsh in origin. I wonder if there are others?
...other Welsh words using "w" as a vowel that have crept into English usage, that is.
Appropos of nothing, why do I never see "high-wasted unitard" at the top of my screen? How high does a unitard have to be to get wasted? For that matter, what is a "unitard"? It sounds nasty. The banner I see always says something bland like "Organic Cotton" and shows five cut-off pictures of the same guy wearing different colored t-shirts. Just once I'd like to see "high wasted" to confirm that y'all aren't making that up.
whether w is or is not a vowel is beside the point i was making - there are plenty of words that do not contain vowels at all. i concede i was in error in representing cwm as one of those words. mea culpa. mea culpa. may i remove the target now?
for those who like to geek out.... http://www.englishforums.com/English/WhenIsWAVowel/
and the high wasted has been replaced by high waisted on my screen. seems someone notified them?
"Twmpath"is a word meaning a hump; once signifying the mound/ hump/ village green upon which the musicians sat and played for the community to dance. But mostly used and a verb (twmpath) to refer to a Welsh barn dance, very similar in spirit to a ceilidh or a fest-noz. The music and dances are predominantly Welsh, but Breton styles are often played as well because of the close cultural and linguistic links between Brittany and Wales.
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Wow... I'm gonna have to come back & study these comments. I thought I was understanding the notes -- readin' right along with the writer -- until the writer (he/she?) took a fierce left turn & zoomed into the wild blue yonder planets. I know that you all have figured out LOTS of stuff from this!
But now I must slip into something kind of disgusting.... Let's see: unitard... I always figured that, to REtire, you have to get tired first (btw, I have).... so to become REtarded, does one first need to become a unitard? (or a pre-tard?)
Camelia, the way to start the path which will lead to being "retarded" is to be tardy a lot...don't flame, gang, just playing word-games here.
Midlife, doilch yn fawr. Which is Welsh for "thank you very much." See the y and the w? Vowels, they are, cariad. Lovely!
Wow orinoco -- I/we must have started this little rant at the correct time (after the flurry of posters). Oh -- and I do qualify!! I am tardy a lot (not that I wish to)... Once in a meeting of peoples, I said "I think I'm the Pro in Procrastinator". My friend Gale, when she spoke, said "Well if [uh, Camelia] is the Pro in Procrastinator, I'm the Crass!"
Now read carefully... Stella is speaking from experience!! Stella is most probably deaf, and therefore has more credibility in this area than most of the rest of us. (uh, I assume most of us aren't dear? oh dear. here I go again, gettin' in biiig trouble!)
Manda, thank you for the link and the beautiful word, "twmpath." It's not listed in the Chambers Dictionary or my Webster's Third, but it should be.
Camelia, perhaps some of us aren't, but I'd say most of us are very dear.
Oops - Midlife you are CO-RRECT!! I think just about everyone here is kinda dear.
(oops - not to be mistaken for the kinda deer that carries panty crickets!!
I carry panty crickets in a brown paper bag.
Hmmm.. so, Lance --are those brown-paper-baggie Pants?
No chance Camelia. How could I be expected to get any dates wearing those? I carry the bag in my hand.
'Oh, Lance, what's that in your brown paper bag? Really? May I see?? Gosh! HOw cute. A date? Why yes of course, Lance dear. Or maybe you'd like to bring the brown paper bag back to my place and we can slip into something more comfortable? Oh, high-waisted? Oh yes, how wonderful. And I think I have a gold lamé swimsuit at home...'
One piece or two? (Are you speaking for Camelia?)
I have never seen the Am. Apparel banners, either. I have been under the impression that a unitard is a one-piece item that fits snugly to the body. I am wondering how this piece of clothing could be high-waisted...