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July 17, 2007 |
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Clean Friends Only!
FOUND by Kim Lamb
in Oregon
I found this in front of my house. Unfortunately, a day too late for the party!
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Untitled #4 January 13, 2006 |
Party of Five July 22, 2005 |
I Push Back September 16, 2001 |
Lady with Horns October 07, 2005 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Aw man, I showered but I used nacho cheeze scented body wash. Darn. Well at least I didn't brush with my tube of feet-flavored Colgate toothpaste...It's new and improved with more feet flavor.
Oops. I thought they had spelled "cheese" with a 'z' on the invitation. You know it's still pretty hard to read some of these finds - even with the "magnify" feature.
Have you washed your bush today?!
i wonder what page 2 was about.
In these increasingly crass times, it is so refreshing to see that some people still have standards, and aren't afraid to say so.
I like that the party is being referred to as a ball.
Like they were trying to make it sound fancy.
It ain't fancy if there's no sheep's ass afro.
I hope they take that back on page two.
and get "are" freak on.
haha i guess no spell check.
i don't think i have ever laughed so hard over an invitation.
Why do they keep asserting it's a VIP Ball? Surely the head of a VIP Ball would have time spell check? Unless they're too busy washing their bushes, of course.
Darn, if we could only see page two as well. I need to know if I'd be accepted, the curiosity is killing me!
Don't know that there is a "page 2;" the "Untitled" at the top and "Page 1" at the bottom look like the default header and footer when printing from Notepad.
I love the use of the "at" symbol to mean or ("18 @ older"). Very... creative.
Ick.
What prompted all the concerns about personal hygiene, I wonder.
My guess is this guy was pretty disappointed to find that the only VIPs who showed up were his three housemates (freshly showered, I'm sure).
Too funny! Not the kind of party most of us would attend - certainly not I! I wonder what Ghetto Bootys real name is. I love the directions!
How exactly do you "get you sip and tip on"?
to hotmom:
who, exactly, is "most of us"? i think you're making some rather small-minded (perhaps racist/classist?) assumptions...
A downright proper ghetto gala indeed. Uh-oh, typo: "U knew you was stink before u left the (they've forgotten the "da" here) house. I can imagine dem skanky hoes being denied access to a sip and tip. They'll need to get twisted at a lower class venue. It's as simple as Simon says, bitches, take a shower it aint that (dat) hard.
I would guess this person has a real hard time using microsoft word, not to mention the 'tab' key.
The margins could be a whole lot neater. Ah, but it adds soo much flavor.
Hey, "Just in Case", are you implying that a drunken street party is race-cultural thing? 'Most of us,' I'm sure, is referring to those who favor self respect, education and a positive future. I agree that 'most of us' would not fit into this category. I guess I'm a racist, 'classist', small-minded white person. People, get over it.
I prefer bush to have gone through at least five un-washed periods before I go down on a girl. Send them party rejects my side. Sheep Ass-ffro party at my house.
Sounds like good clean fun ! I want to go !
It must have been hard being the bouncer at the party, checking the all the attendants for an extensive list of "medical problems" before letting them in or sniffing out the rejects. Not fun.
Call me racist, or classist, or small minded if you will, but I'm going to go ahead and say that I wouldn't consider attending a party if the host felt he needed to tell his guests to shower and brush their teeth.
I'm sooooo going to this party. My fro is in check, i've showered very recently, brushed my teeth just this morning, and i'm gonna learn how to get my sip and tip on.
Sounds like good clean fun to me.
what does it say after who? something aka ghetto booty. also the date is pretty good. altogether an entertaining invitation. wonder if the ball was as good.
Has anyone noticed that this party is being held in the street? Not slang for the hood - the actual STREET! Bus routes are very helpful to find the correct street. Won't this hold the record for "Party Broken Up by the Police the Fastest"? How do you stop people from attending? How do you "get turn down" from walking down the street?
Fuck this shit.
Just in Case- you might think this is genuine or "keepin it real" somehow but what it is is counterrevolutionary bullshit. This is how the lower classes enforce the very class structure that keeps them down and how they go about victimizing each other. the ruling class doesn't even have to do the work or foot the bill to keep people in line with assholes like this out there. Your perspective of supporting, endorsing, romanticizing this shit has a much more negative effect on struggling communities of oppressed people than Hotmom's mockery and distaste.
Most everyone else: you might think this is cute, exotic, ironic or otherwise funny or entertaining. I hope you keep that sense of humor when people stop partying, get organized and march out of the ghetto to come and get what they been denied their whole fucking lives.
VIP ballers of the world unite! You've got nothing to lose but your bling, and a world to win!
I just printed this, made copies, and passed it around my work.....
hahahaha
Aw, Just In Case, now why'd you have to go and play the race card? What is race anyway? Peace.
This party happens every night somewhere in this town - in attendance are about equal amounts blacks/whites/mexicans - and someone always gets shot.
Rex - you revolution is never going to happen. They deny themselves.
I'm especially concerned that there doesn't appear to be an exception for people with short or no hair to the armpit hair rule. For example, do males with shaved heads need to likewise shave their pits to attend this ball?
hahah
I love the "simon says just take a shower it ain't that hard."
good stuff.
and lucy in the sky with diamonds:
You can't see what it says after "who:" because it has been blocked out. It's a name.
I work in a school library, and sometimes kids leave invitations similar to this one in our printer. Of course, they don't have the 18 @ up rule, nor are they in the street (I assume that's because the underage drinking would be too obvious if it were outdoors). There's usually also some reference to a dress code, such as "Leave your do-rags at home." Seriously.
Who has a party on a Monday?
This must be where Flargy, Eggs1234, Jo, & SALT ran off too.
cara: spell check only checks for misspelled words. "are" was not misspelled, just used incorrectly in place of "our."
hotmom: "sip & tip" is drinking booze, i surmise.
I would "get turn down" at this party due to my long and lucrative career as a foot licker. *slluuuurrrrppppppp*
From this day forth, August 14th will offically be "Ghetto Booty Day"...wash, don't wash - whatever gets your freak, streak, tip and sip on.
We were very amused by this find.
That will be all.
Most inappropriate invitation; someone should lose their job over this type of street talk. Funny how those easily offended by the comments of radio personalities can produce such a crass invite. Where is Al Sharpton when you need him?
Love the bus directions...
Hang on... get da streets poppin'? Is that what it sounds like??
Please, come to the VIP ball with your vagina as filthy as you please just as long as you properly sanitize your bush first.
I'm with Hotmom. I think missing the VIP ball is not going to cost me any sleep. I can get my sip and tip on somewhere else.
I really needed a good laugh today, this is the best Tuesday find ever.
I am going to "sip and tip" for life!
In case you cronies want the real info, today's Found begat's James Molenda's birthday. Holy cannoli!
I'm with beef. Get the streets poppin' sound like. "We'll shoot at each other after the party is over, if you don't mind."
i wonder what the event was that made him/her put the bathing warnings on the main page of the invite.
This is my friend Kim's find. Unfortunately, she found it after the party so we was outta luck for the VIP. Of course, I would of made her take me. I ain't got the ass stank.
I think the "so we can get twisted" reference is talking about Twister.
Right foot on blue, please.
You know, there's always one stank-ass in any group of friends/aquaintances. The one that everyone smells, but no one wants to tell that they are nasty. You leave annonymous notes and bottles of Summer's Eve on her desk/bed. Perhaps a nice razor/deod. combo would do the trick?
I think the list of "medical problems" is directed at one specific person, meant to be a joke to everyone else.
The formatting almost makes it look like a free verse poem. "Party People", about the joys of stank-free partying.
"This ain't 4 U!"...it's kind of like the "you know you're a redneck" refrain. I'm giggling. And also, when I was in management at a different job, we were instructed to address bodily odors as potential medical problems. So, chronic stinky breath? "Johnny, I'd like to talk to you about an odor I've noticed recently, and I think our customers may have noticed it, too. Is there a dental issue you'd like to talk with me about?" or "Sally, I've noticed an odor recently and I don't want to embarrass you, but I'm afraid others are noticing, too. Is there a medical issue you'd like to talk with me about?" Uh, yeah. That was our training. So to see this guy referring to stankiness as a medical problem is quite a coincidence...maybe we worked together!
Rex, I believe it is more racist of you to have left such a remark. YOU are the one assuming that the author of the invitation is African American when it is stated nowhere. For all you know, the person is a Pakistani Woman. I would have laughed at this person regardless of their race, but it was you who did this person the real disservice by labeling them.
As for organization, I doubt the organizational skills of someone who is grammatically incapable and cannot produce a simple Word document. That said, I invite this revolution. It's been long needed as something that needs to contribute to our society rather than degrade and weigh it down.
WOW. Stereotype much?
This could have easily been written by a white frat boy, or any white kid--who isn't even from the ghetto--but wishes he was. Could even have been a joke as in 'not a real invitation'.
WOW. Good to know we have experts on "them" hanging around. Jeez.
As the Onion says, "Stereotypes are a real time saver".
Whoever said this party happens every night in Flint is 100% correct. Now when I am home visiting it scares me to think I hung out in some of those streets and didn't get shot.
Ahhh... so like a turtle ducking into his shell we cower behind political correctness and pretend this isn't what it FUCKING OBVIOUSLY IS.
Now that you've successfully labeled yourself "less racist" than Rex, you get to go back to your day without giving a second thought to the fucked-up complex way that race and class are experienced in the society we live in and perpetuate daily, right?
Bravo.
I guess so, Turbo. I guess so.
8 - 14 - 08??
I guess this way the guests have over 12 months to clean themselves up for this V.I.P. summer ball.
PIXI ~ its no wonder you are in grad school, you said the funniest thing here! rock on. ha ha ha ha
where the hell is SALT? i miss that guy!
no wonder i never made it to grad school. Its cuz im not funny enough. who knew.
rex - oh PLEASE. whatever intellectual/ethnicist guilt you may have over this class oppression keeping each other down, please take it to steppin' (so to speak). no one pointed a "gat" (or whatever the current phrase is) and ordered this person to "keep it real, or else". there is no systematic intra-class oppression, and i'm sure if you made such overly-analytical statements to THESE people (whomever they may or may not be) they would laugh at you. besides, this is an invitation between someone and their friends, not a case study of the decline of values. relax.
Queen Elizabeth, could you please get word to our Prez to make it an international holiday? Of course, we should all take it to heart and try to make every day Ghetto Booty Day.
Ha! this is my dad's birthday. Perhaps the party is for him. I thnk he would fit in well with his Tommy Bahama gear.
I'VE BEEN PUT IN TIME OUT BY THE FOUNDMAGAZINE DOT COM STAFF
do you want a cookie, SALT?
NO, MONA. I GET ENOUGH SUGAR IN MY DIET VIA MY ALCOHOLISM
Stapler- it says 8-14-06...I love this!!! this is my favorite found ever! I sooo want to go to the ball... good thing I have only had 2 periods since i washed my bush...
k...
aww, SALT...sorry you were put in time out. glad to see you back, though!
CENSORSHIP SUCKS!
THE FIRST AMENDMENT IS ONLY IN PLACE TO PROTECT THE ALTERNATIVE AND SOMETIMES OFFENSIVE EXERCISES OF FREEDOM OF SPEECH, OR OF THE PRESS. THIS IS BECAUSE THERE'S NO REASON TO PROTECT SPEECH THAT DOESN'T VIOLATE PEOPLE'S PERSONAL TOS.
THE AMENDMENT DOESN'T APPLY HERE WHICH IS WHY MY COMMENTS WERE DELETED BUT WHAT IF I CLASSIFY MONA'S CRAPPY ATTEMPT AT BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AT ME OFFENSIVE? FOUNDMAGAZINE DOT COM WOULDN'T DELETE HER COMMENT BECAUSE IT'S ONLY DISTASTEFUL UNDER THE SURFACE.
BLA BLA
IN CONCLUSION, FOUND IS ANTI-AMERICAN
Can I have a cookie?
I'm guessing that SALT was silenced because his comments are lame and have little to do with the finds. Just a guess.
Which reminds me. I love this find! Hilarious. Who's having the next VIP summer ball? Let us know!
I love that Ghetto Booty used the 5 W's format for this invitation. And how!
I'm glad Found put the comments section in here cuz I remember when they didnt have them and I luv reading what everyone has to say. When I was in elementary school we had a teacher who made an in-class note delivery system (i know, right!) and everyone loved it but some guy sent a nasty note and so the teacher shut it down for everyone. I hope that doesn't happen here!
As odd as this party sounds, I must say that the thing that worries me most is that they needed these rules... I want to know where this is so I can avoid being downwind of them.
Also, I love the spam protection questions... 4 times four? Making sure we know how to spell letters along with the arithmetic!!
this is absolutely amazing. wish i'd gotten an invite.
um, by letters... I meant numbers... oh well =P
Come on ya'll, don't Snip and Snap at each other, lets just Sip and Tip.
I love the spacing and general format of this invite. I am curious about what the other pages said. More rules and regulations, perhaps?
I wonder if sheep-ass-afro is a real disease? (I might have it)
Rex, I party after my work is done. How do we know Ghetto Booty and his/her acquaintances don't do the same? Being progressive is not mutually exclusive with sharing an amusing FOUND flier, which may have even been written slightly tongue-in-cheek.
SALT, i was not being passive aggressive. I hate people who are that way. I was merely offering you a symbolic cookie for you, while you're in your 'found' imposed seclusion.
and yes, instigator, you can have a cookie too. Chocolate chip, baked 'em myself.
yep, this is oregon, PDX i'm guessing? sounds like something you see getting passed around
Thanks, Mona! I love cookies.
I wouldn't go to this party unless they had cookies.
Though if it's a sip and tip, the cookies might get tossed later on, so may it's better if there isn't any.
I bet this invite was to make it obvious that the party was not for their stanky lil brothers, their sister's ass-fro boyfriend, or any koochie ex-girlfriends... and to prove how cool they are to indended un-invitees that they are having a VIP party.. though since they couldn't borrow a house, they had to use the street.
Read it again. Rex did *not* claim the author was an African American. You apparently made that inference based on his use of the word "ghetto." Have you ever looked up the word in a dictionary? The first definition is, "In certain European cities, a section to which Jews were formerly restricted." Why didn't you assume Rex was referring to the Jews? Your assumption that he was writing about African Americans exposes your unconscious, assimilated racism, which is more dangerous than that of someone who is openly bigoted. Your insensitivity to Rex and veiled disdain for women of South Asian ethnicity suggest you are perpetuating stereotypes that create prejudice and discrimination while limiting the opportunities available to women and people of color, even while believing you are combating racism.
Nah, I'm just fucking with you man. I wanted to see how many hot-button words and sophomoric, "socially relevant" concepts I could stuff into a single paragraph.
Rex is right -- why is everyone tiptoeing around? Isn't it OK to point out and relish in the fact that this wonderful find was obviously written by a young, heterosexual, African-American male? Denying that is a form of racism! :-))
It's OK to
"It's OK to" what? (Leftover fragment from an earlier draft.)
Great find!
Did I say "male"? Uh-oh.
FOUND guys: I just re-read the crap I wrote above. My lame attempt at humor didn't work. Please feel free to delete all four posts.
Thanks,
Midlife Crisis
What if the weather didn't hold up? Would they cancel the VIP Ghetto Gala? All those perfectly trimmed arm-pit hairs going to waste. No one getting their freak on. No one coming to get it crackin'. Would there be a booty rain date?
In my mind, i'm already there
Beautiful...simply beautiful. I am sorry I missed it but it gives me a few good ideas for the next party I have. Who, what, where, when, why, the time and of course....a list of unacceptable medical problems. Genius.
cheeeya
Writer, Rejected: Absolutely there will be a "booty rain date!" ....and a rain date for the rain date if need be. So it is now written. ~That will be all
To Deluxx in the USA: We will do all that we can to accomidate your request. It's the opinion of this court however, that getting him to 'hear' it and 'follow' it will be more than challenging....but we will do all that is w/in our power.
In the meantime, try to keep "Ghetto Booty Day" in your heart all the year. Tip! Sip! And Be Merry !
~That will be all.
Oh, you got me. I hate black people, women, ethnic women, and Jews. And Jewish women. And peoplep from Seattle. And and and...
This is great. This comment thread has become a little case study in america's inablilty to encounter race and class in a straightforward or meaningful way. making jokes, getting uncomfortable with the jokes we make, throwing accusations, counter accusations, getting defensive, getting politically correct, coming back with more humor, ironically offensive humor, speculation, excuses.
It reminds me of the time a black man stole a draft of a play about racial stereotypes and crime from me at gunpoint a few blocks from my house.
Rex,
Sometimes I love you, man.
I wonder how many of us are bipolar. Ugh. This is not a great time for me.
Midlife
so, if some girl hadn't washed her crotch after tw periods, she'd be let in?
I guess I made the erroneous assumption that most people bathe daily......
WORD!
sip and tip means take a sip of dis wine and get the tip of dis dieck
AS FOR THE FOUND ITSELF: Hygienic-Standards (especially "medically" based ones) are always a good idea in my opinion.
Just to add my two-cents to the "side debate"...it's my feeling that, without the invite-author(s) standing right in front of us, there's no way to say *unequivocally* what his or her (or, even,*their*) race, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation, political affiliation, religiosity, etc. ("OBVIOUSLY") is! And, with the vast differential of possible backgrounds and points-of-reference within the FOUND community the phraseology of this invite could conjure any number of snap-associations depending on the reader.
To *voice* those personal associations is neither intrinsically racist or a show of political correctness. (Nor are those personal associations *themselves* intrinsically racist or deliberately politically correct.) The racism only comes from the "commentator" (or comment-reader's) negative/pejorative thoughts, words, actions, etc. toward whatever the invite-author's "make-up" *actually* is (were we to ever find out,) and/or the "commentator" (or comment-reader's) *own* assertion of the invite-author's "make-up" and their own negative/pejorative thoughts, words, actions, etc. toward that "amalgam." Likewise, the political correctness exists only once the invite-author's true identity is confirmed, the racist/ism (if any in this "comment thread") revealed and, THEN, the "turtle" retreated.
It's just my opinion, but arguing, accusing and proclaiming over assumptions, stereotypes, interpretations (or misinterpretations) and, *most importantly*, comments that basically amount to soundbytes seems not only futile, but dangerous. (And, where *actual* Racism, Classism, Victimization and Oppression *are* concerned it seems to me to detract from/minimize the real issues.) Again, just my two-cents.
EEK! Holy crap, I had no idea how long that post was going to be! I don't comment often, but when I do, I tend to write a lot. Sorry, won't happen again! : )
Rebecca- post away, anyone who doesn't want to read it doesn't have to.
i disagree. I think the actual author of this is irrelevant to determining the racism of people's response to it. Cuz half our racism resides in who we assume the author is, and the other half in what we do with that assumption.
There is no position one can take on this which is not to varying degrees and in varying ways "racist".
I stand by my original statement, my interpretation is that this is a party held by young black men who have internalized their own oppression to the point of 1) oppressing / victimizing others in their community and 2) giving the ruling class ample excuses to maintain / perpetuate the oppressive environment we have created in our inner cities throughout this country. and I hate them.
I find:
people who laugh at this phenomenon (print out posters and hang them around the office, etc etc) to be ignorant, immature and callous.
people who endorse / encourage this activity because it's part of the ghetto's "unique culture" to be perverse and disgusting.
people who shout "racism!" and wear political correctness as a blinder in order to avoid all issues of race and class to be willfully ignorant and obnoxious.
These are things we as a society need to confont, and yes, confronting them on a found magazine comment thread is futile, but, i sometimes do futile shit to pass the time at work.
rex, don't use what one guy did to you, and what you 'young black men' do, ('victimising those in the community'? are you not doing the same by saying that?) as a reason for your own bigotry. this is not political correctness gone mad, it is common respect.
perhaps i should clarify, i brought up the time i was mugged not as an example of the mugger's badness, but as an example of my naivete.
The play i wrote was about a black man trying to escape the stereotypes and social conditions that our society put him into. It was very sympathetic to the cause of poor people who've turned to crime. The fact that an hour after reading the first draft of this play outloud with a friend it was being taken from me at gun point by someone who could basically be the hero of the story (and the experience of spending two hours listening to the police scanner in the patrol car say "young black man" over and over) is such perfect ironic proof that i (like you) had far too simple a notion of how race and class work in our society.
The "Page 1" part is definitely the best bit. It looks like a lame invitation anyway, I'm sure they made it in Notepad or something. Actually, the image of someone sitting at a computer thinking up all the prohibited 'medical problems' is the best bit.
I think the author's assumption that everyone coming to the party would have an "affro" that has the potential of looking like a sheeps ass indicates that he or she is african american.
and as for rex, what you're saying are issues that do need attention brought to them, but I think it's a bit of a stretch to use peoples' amusement with this find as an example of them overlooking the race/class oppression that exists in society. I know many people from an econimic/racial background probably similar to the person who wrote this, who would also find this hilarious. Oh, also, suburban white kids who try to talk like that. there are many of those too.
this is great!!!!!! how do you know if your ass smells like nacho cheese, anyway? holy crap, this is a funny one!
I thought this was a poem at first!
i'm totally overwhelmed by this. i just feel like there were so many misunderstandings and things taken out of context or words put into someone's mouth on every side of this dialogue. the fact that just within the community of FOUND online readers, there was this much discussion over one entry (that apparently a lot of assumptions, experiences, and biases were unloaded onto) shows not that there was some kind of winner of this little catty spat, but that race, class, and every other identity group need to be discussed about, debated, experiences shared, roles reversed, privilege accounted for, and not excused away.
and yeah, maybe if we talked about identity issues a little more respectfully some important perspective should be gained. but this seems to be more whose-right-and-whose-wrong then anything else.
okay when I first read this I did not take it from a "white or black" stand point. I don't care if it's about/written by a white or black guy either way I would be laughing just as hard. I like how the conditions are referred to as "medical problems" as well as "Simon says just take a shower it aint that hard" is good blunt advice!!!
hahah im still laughing.
LOL.. all that mona lisa talk about cookies for errant children in time out.. flash forward to the brand new days when we have sign in options, and she's in a cookieless Louvre! I find great humoUr in that.
And Jim? you have to forgive the Found comment board. It was really HOT that day, and tensions were running extremely high.. plus there was just too much sodium in our diet a year ago. Add to that the inherent divisiveness of racial issues and the fact that Rex is, was, and forever shall be a pendantic windbag.. well.. you know.
This is the new entry for America's not got talent.