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October 22, 2009 |
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The Cons Definitely Outweigh the Pros
FOUND by Jessica
in Brookshire's
I found this folded-up by a register at the Brookshire's in my hometown. It was written on the back of an "ITEM NOT ON FILE LOG." I don't know who this person is, but they should probably not date either of these guys.
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The Wrong School April 28, 2008 |
Last Warning February 15, 2004 |
Dog Was Fed December 22, 2007 |
Campus Safety September 27, 2008 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Let's see: Matt's an asshole and Chase is cocky. Add to the mix the fact that both guys are lacking one or more of the essential chick attractants: job (money), phone (connectibility), and vehicle (mobility). Sounds like she needs to ditch these losers and start over with two more suitable candy-dates. And that's the joy of being single.
At least Chase does what she wants. What more could a woman possibly ask for?
This should definitely outweigh the fact that he's in rehab.
And who needs a phone? Since he also has no vehicle, he won't be going anywhere far anyway.
As for Matt: apparently he's a jobless asshole who can't be trusted, but still she loves him.
Well, add another question mark for me there.
Eusta is right: ditch 'em both and look for something more viable.
Boy some things never change. I was just discussing yesterday with a student how many of the Elisabethan love sonnets use the language of addiction and codependence. This is a prime example of sonnet material: "He's an asshole but I love him; we have trust issues (ie he can't be trusted) but I am more comfortable around him, I feel safe with him." How can you feel safe with an untrustworthy asshole?
And then there's poor old Chase. She likes him because he's "(pussy)whipped and does what I want." Niiiiiiiiice. I'd love to see his "pro and con" list about *you*, lady.
Either way these are not viable options for a healthy relationship. But then, Chase and Matt aren't the only ones with problems, evidently.
fter creating exhaustive lists of all the males in her life, finally decided she was glad to be a lesb
Baby basil, That's really interesting about sonnets! I wonder if the same study could be done about Civil war love letters. That's a time period when there really seemed to be fewer jerks among the male population. But then again, perhaps the jerks were illiterate at that time, so there's no record of their presence...
I'm with Basil
These guys are clearly losers, but the girl has way more issues than either of them.
Let's congradulate the guy who does NOT win her heart.
** congratulate **
Chase is both whipped and cocky? Sounds to me like he's rather clueless, too.
And maybe Matt isn't an asshole; maybe he has problems with his asshole. Sort of a 'rectal dysfunction' kind of a thing.
Anyway, I was pulling for Matt until I got to the cons. I agree with the others: dump them both, your real Prince Charming is out there somewhere looking for you.
Rink, I direct your attention to Sonnet 200 by Michael Drayton:
An evil spirit, your beauty haunts me still,
Wherewith, alas, I have been long possessed,
Which ceases not to tempt me to all ill,
Nor gives me once but one poor minute's rest.
In me it speaks, whether I sleep or wake,
And when, by means, to drive it out I try,
With greater torments then it does me take
And tortures me in most extremity;
Before my face it lays down my despairs,
And hastes me on unto a sudden death,
Now tempting me to drown myself in tears,
And then, with sighing to give up my breath.
Thus am I still provoked to every evil
By this good wicked spirit, sweet angel-devil.
TALK about codependence, addiction and enabling!
I like that, baby basil: good wicked spirit, sweet angel-devil. An apt description of Debbie in today's other post.
Do you think Juliet had a similar list re: Romeo and Paris?
Romeo - Pro - I loveth him!
Romeo - Con - Family hateth him.
Paris - Pro - I mayhap like him.
Paris - Con - Family loveth him.
I think she did, Miss Scarlett: "I'll look to like, if looking liking move" sounds like it. "I'll like him if that will make you happy, Dad" is what she was saying. That's what she said about Paris.
And certainly, the whole "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" part sounds like a pro-and-con list. "Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is neither hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor...any other part belonging to a man."
Juliet was hip, you dig.
Agree wholeheartedly with Basil's initial comment, and Feeling-in-coherent's succint summary.
@Rinkadink: Fewer male jerks during the civil war period? How can I put this nicely? Read more history and fewer romance novels. On either side of the Mason-Dixon, a more murderous and sadistic period in U.S. history cannot be found.
If she had written the Con portion first, she would've seen no need to go on, come to her senses, and dropped both of them (I hope).
In the Matt column, what's that between the last two bulleted items in the PRO section? Is it a check mark and an S? A Capricorn symbol?
I like how the CONS heading encompasses all four sections. As though even the PROS are actually cons.
She hearts Matt but only likes Chase. Is that merely because she's known Matt longer? Will like blossom into love, given time?
The whole rehab, no car, no phone thing would be a dealbreaker. *Ovcoarse* he does what she wants... so she'll keep taxiing him around in her car, letting him use her phone! OTOH, the whole jobless asswhole thing would be a dealbreaker, too. Keep looking, girlie. Plenty of Fishies.
This woman needs to stop picking up guys at the bus station.
I love to collect new words & phrases, and I must say that Librarian's "rectal dysfunction" made my day. Rectal dysfunction is a broad term (like "female problems") which covers everything from constipation, diarrhea, and the swelling & itching of hemorrhoids, to the really nasty maladies like pin worms and overuse sports injuries.
Matt and Chase got together they arrived at this list
PROS
Big tits
Easy "to do" when drunk or high which often
Likes anal
CONS
Gum chewer
Not real bright
Golddigger
Paranoid
Real high maintenance
Hangs around family members
Keeps notes on everything
Drama queen
Spends all her money on clothes
Made Chase fake going to rehab so she wouldn't come around
Cellphone super-glued to her hand and ear
Never has gas money
Has banged everyone but Matt & Chase on the football team
Thanks baby basil for the lit lesson, I miss lit ever since I decided to do an engineering major.
Comments far outweigh the found today. I'm putting the sonnet and "rectal dysfunction" in my journal. Now I'm off to google "Michael Drayton"
Two winners, clearly.
She should just date both of them.
I pray often that my teenage daughters don't ever end up with Matt OR Chase.
Is it just me or is it worrying that her family like the one with the drug problem????
This is the type of girl guys like me used to pass around between friends like a party favor. She needs therapy not a man.
i just find this funny cause i've totally made a list like this before
Glad to see I am not the only person in the world that made a pros/cons list to figure out who I wanted to be with! In my case, the new guy won!
OBVIOUSLY CREATED JUST FOR THIS SITE.