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February 10, 2009 |
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Kool-Aid Stained
FOUND by Aaron
in Columbia, MO
Someone apparently blowing off steam.
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AJS April 01, 2007 |
If You Want Your... June 20, 2007 |
Save Me! December 30, 2008 |
Dear Poops December 25, 2008 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
Illiterut bastards!
Oh, I know those guys.
This may be my new favorite find
I know those guys, too.
This would be the perfect find, my absolute favorite of all time, but for the misspelling of "illiterate." Unless that was meant to be ironic. Though the inconsistent use of the en-dash does make me cringe.
Yes, now you all know. I care about grammar. Deeply. As a person.
Watch out, writer--they say you become the thing you hate and fear.
BTW, just in passing: if the person who provides the Finds is the Finder, is the person who generated or lost the Find--the Loser?
Obviously, if it's a written find like this one, they are the Writer of the Find...but in the case of photos etc, it seems rude to adress remarks to them as "Loser."
Or does it?
Yep, every red-neck mutha owns 5 beer coolers.
What's wrong with the Eagles??
I can't wait to read Highplain's and Librarian's reverse insults.
@ Jen ... you took the words 'right out my mouth'.
I'm also force to wonder what the occasion for this screed would have been. Is it:
a) the introduction of the groomsmen at an Ozark mountain wedding reception;
b) a draft greeting card for Shoebox;
c) notes from a Jeff Foxworthy performance;
d) a character study by James Dickey for 'Deliverance'; or
e) . . . . .
Either way, once the writer got to "gravy eating" I think all the rest is superfluous, redundant, and repetitive.
ok, now you've gone to far sir! how dare you insult gravy?!
but honestly, this was written by the type of arrogant, condescending jerk who thinks anyone from "the country" is an inbreed hick, and is more guilty of being "small minded" then the people he is looking down on.
judge ye not a man for what he put'ith upon his potatoes, lest ye be judged.
"yard mowing"
seriously? you're using proper lawn maintenance as an insult?
"weepy on veterans day"
so... respecting veterans makes you a hillbilly?
"walmart shopping"
ok, if you're saying you never shop there you're a dang liar. Everyone in this country shoppes there at some point, walmarts are EVERYWHERE, you can't throw a rock without hitting one, and they do their best to shut down all competition so you have no other choice.
"eagles concert going"
now you're just making yourself look bad.
Man, the eagles are classic rock! and if you're too shallow to appreciate good classic rock just because it's got a bit of "country" in some of it, well then you're the one lacking taste.
I'm not from anywhere near "the south", not a country music fan, don't drive a truck, and wasn't even born yet in the eagles "hey day", so you don't need any of those things to know the eagles freaking rocked. "take it easy" is one of the best songs ever.
you lose note writer
@Librarian in the woodwork:
"I'm also force to wonder " ???
This from you? I'm speechless.
Yeah, dissing the Eagles made this here mountain girl wanna open a tall can of ice-cold whoop-ass. I'll be sore about that one all day long.
@ Erp ... yeah, me too. I didn't see that until after I hit the "Post Comment" button. I'll blame the 'current economic crisis' and the fact that I only had one cup of coffee this morning.
Or maybe that I'm dust-covered and enjoy listening to the Eagles.
The only time you hear about Garth Brooks here in Oklahoma is when he's shopping at Wal-Mart or swooping into burning houses to save children. And I'm not joking.
Am I the only one who thought "knuckle dragging" is not usually associated with white trash?
Well groomed, martini drinking, polo shirt wearing, purebred, pâté eating, pussy whipped, orthodontically enhanced, college educated, Michael Buble’ worshiping, sea shell hunting, Oh Wow Mercedes driving, gardener hiring, anti-war activist, Merlot stained, 2.5 children having, IKEA shopping, golf playing, wine cellar owning, sun screen covered, manicured, polysyllabical word spewing, Chicago concert going, upright walking BASTARDS!!!
Big props to Cotton in Dixieland!
And if the list-maker writes REAL small, he still has room on the page to add: flea-bitten, Skoal spittin, trailer dwellin, arm-pit smellin, rebel yellin, dog kickin, skillet lickin, crotch itchin, always bitchin, booger eatin, gone to meetin, chicken pluckin, cousin fuckin, catfish skinnin, chasin women, loud-mouth, stink-bait, barefoot Neanderthal...
@ Cotton;
Nice.
@ Mountain Girl- very nice, and it has a good beat. I found myself pretending I was playing the spoons in my bib overalls as I provided percussion for my pappy's jug band.
Reads like one of Rush Limbaugh's rants.
Reads like hate. Spewy spewy hate.
If you grab a screen shot of the image and mirror it you can kind of make out the other writing... seriously)
What no man or.......................
Pra.........causing .................
battle and toiled <<<scratch out>>>
marriages
Clearly, my ex-husband and his crew have pissed this person off.
I absolutely love this find.
@Monkey- sorry to say, I live in a very popular town that is nearby one of the biggest computer cities in the world and I have never ever been in a Walmart. I don't even know where the closest one is!
And- he forgot NASCAR racin' and duck huntin'.
i was so surprised to see a find from my area! Not very proud that this was it...but, very funny!
Anywho - that Eagles concert in Columbia isn't until 3/17...lol!
I take personal offense to this especially regarding the "weepy-eyed on Veteran's Day" part. I died twice in a field hospital in the middle of the burning fucking desert so this asshole, Hippy, tree-hugging, communist, welfare state voting for, brainwashed, lemming could have the right to say these things. Some of my best friends died in ways so horrific I can not bring myself to describe them for this sorry excuse for a human being. I have two words for the author of this garbage. Leave America...
This was probably written by one of those tree hugging, granola eating, Burkenstock wearing, hybrid car driving, PETA supporting, crystal toting, aura reading, Greenpeace loving, Make-Love-Not-War spouting, incense burning, Gubmint hating, peace sign flashing, acid tripping, past-life having, hemp clothes buying, patchouli dousing, pot smoking, New Age worshiping, self-help book reading, Enya listening bastards.
Or someone who knows my family fairly well. Not sure which.
w00t! Finsterton agrees that it's a dirty tree-hugger!
Whew! My next family reunion could have been a bit uncomfortable otherwise.
@ Monkey: As hard as it is to fathom a single man, woman or child in America who hasn't pushed a "buggy" around Walmart at least once in their lives, there ARE places that haven't been blighted by its corporate intrusion.
Several years ago I took a trip up to Wisconsin, and I forgot and left my suitcase at home. I figured I'd stop at the nearest Walmart & pick up some cheap clothes to tide me over. No Walmarts anywhere. Last fall I was up there again, in a totally different area, and I don't remember seeing a single Walmart my entire trip.
So maybe there's hope for America yet.
Now if I were writing a fine piece of literature like this, I'd remove the "yard mowing" bit (it seems the writer hasn't actually seen a true Redneck yard lately). And exchange it with something along the lines of yards with patchy crab grass strewn with Virginia Slim butts and junk cars.
well I would take the tree hugger any day...interesting stuff
I'd worship Garth Brooks if he was a lawn mowin' man.
And for the record, though I don't care for the Eagles (I'm a Cure kind of girl), I do like gravy, in moderation, and I do tear up on Veteran's Day. Dag nab it - I love my country, flaws and all.
I believe in Garth Brooks. Yee-haw!
Well Chris Brown showed us these guys aren't the only ones who beat their wives.
Also, I would think the people described are the type that DO NOT mow their lawns.
Is it ironic that as I get older I'm becoming more liberal (tree-hugging) in my politics AND more redneck (beer-swilling) in my actions at the same time?
Anyway, there are parts of me that identify with ALL of the lists from this find, both in the original notes and in the comments.
Dang..I'm multi-children having, but I ain't got a mullet!
I choked on my tortilla chips when I read this..my new favorite find!
Wait..I love playing horse shoes.
Some random sixty-something lady gave my child a lecture last weekend for using the word "hillbilly." (she called her dad hillbilly bob.)
The lady lectured that it's a derogatory, racist term, and that my kid should be locked in her room for a week for using it.
Is there a "race" of hillbillies? Is it really derogatory and racist?
Or is this a generational thing? I only ask because it seems to fit in with this Find, and, well, I value you opinions.
Bowl haircutted, 99 pound weakling, skinny tied, shoddy suit wearing, buck-toothed, self-esteem lacking, white socked, black horn rimmed wearing, book workming, pencil pushing, chemistry lab exploding, knuckle scuffing, sharp dressed, chain smoking, chauvinistic women chasing, suavely arrogant, crooning playboy, dual personality life living nutty professor!
I like the Eagles and Enya and pilsner and pinot, pork rinds and pate. Some guys look good in a mullet...some look good bald. To each their own.
This "find" has generated a lot of energy and most of us have had fun goofing on it.
@ L: You are oh-so-right! I found myself 7 times on the original list,*gasp!* twice on Cotton's list (college-educated shell-seeker), once on Finsterton's list (old hippie), once on Mom Interrupted's list, and once (always bitchin) on my own list.
This only goes to prove that there's an awesome amount of diversity in America. Stereotypes paint a very narrow & distorted picture of who each of us is.
It also proves that we haven't come very far in learning acceptance & tolerance since Sly Stone sang about it Back in the Day:
[paraphrased, and I can't get it to rhyme] "There is a rich snob, who can't stand the red-neck, who can't stand the hippie, who can't stand the patriot....Different strokes for different folks....We got to live together...."
Seriously, let's have a moment of silence in honor & memory of those who have fought & died to make & keep this a country where we can freely live our diversities and speak our minds. God Bless the U.S.A.
Missouri will do that to a person.
On ratemyprofessor.com, someone wrote of a professor:
"He's retarted."
And my all-time favorite, in a bathroom stall:
"Whoever's reading this is a noisy bicth!"
My husband and I are as opposite as two people can possibly be. Our relationship has shown us that it's always good to get to know the people you don't understand or relate to. You never know- they could turn out to be your best friend and greatest love.
I've shown up on every list posted in these comments. I'd love to think that makes me an enigma, but I suspect most of us can say the same. ("I'm unique- just like everyone else!")
I agree that this country is amazing because of the people who have sacrificed to make it that way.
I might be a hippy tree-hugger, I like granola, I shop at Wal-Mart and don't apologize, I shop at IKEA and don't apologize, I like The Eagles, I'll listen to Garth Brooks if there's nothing else on, gravy is awesome, I think NOT mowing your lawn might make you a redneck, I think hunting is fine if you eat the things you kill, I'd make love over war any day, my dad and my grandpa are veterans and I'm very proud of them.
I have a couple friends who are the "I never shop at Wal-mart; it's the devil," type. I have assured them both that I will also stop shopping there if they supplement my income. Why pay more for the exact same thing somewhere else?
The reason I pay more for the same thing somewhere else is this: Walmart USED to be as American as apple pie. They were proud of the Made-In-America label.
Then, something happened...about 25 years ago the U.S. began trade relations with China. Back in 1985 our imports from and exports to China were pretty much in balance at around $3.8 billion each. The following year (1986), we were importing almost $2 billion more in Chinese goods than we were selling to them.
Today the trade deficit has reached a staggering $223 billion!!! (Gov. Census statistics)
So where, we wonder in shocked disbelief, have all our good American manufacturing jobs, the backbone of our economy, gone?
Now take a stroll through Walmart. Pick up & scrutinize everything you see. Where was it made? Chances are, it was made in China.
So...If you shop at Walmart just to be cheap....hmmmmm???
I enjoyed the find.
I enjoyed the discussion.
I laughed really hard (and good-naturedly)at Mountain Girl going on holiday and forgetting her suitcase.
i really resent that they used "Eagles concert going" as one of their white-trash stereotypes.. !
Mountain Girl Stuck in an Illinois cornfield ...
Then, something happened...
What happened was Sam Walton died and so did the values he tried to instill in what used to be the best place to shop.
I used to work at Wal-Mart before scanners. I actually had to learn 10-key and memorize all of the departments and prices. It just happened that way. This was back in the day when it was more important to be friendly to your customers and have a smile on your face. It's difficult to find that anywhere anymore. They also used to be closed on Sunday because that's the way Sam wanted it. He believed in family values. Once he died, it was 24 hrs and bigger stores. Wal-Mart might make tons of money, but as far as I'm concerned, they sacrificed the real values that Sam tried to instill and opted for greed.
I met Sam Walton once. He waited in my line to buy something and shook my hand. He was friendly and very down to earth. I was only 16 at the time but just his kindness and demeanor made a huge impact on me. That and he seemed to genuinely care about the people that worked for him.
Oh well, those days are gone.
Wow..started off as lots of fun, then digressed into some preachin'.
Hiplainsdrifter, I thought you were going to end your great list with Pencil-necked geek.
@sitting around in my underwears...
I don't know about there being a "race" of hillbillies, per se, but I can attest to the fact that there is predjudice against us. Yes, I say us, because I am part hillbilly. I am currently living in the Southern Appalachians, deep in the mountains, on a piece of homesteaded land, but I was born and raised in Orlando, FL. My mother had to move to be able to meet, marry, and raise children with someone who wasn't a cousin. Truthfully...
Now that I am here, I can attest that the people who live in the nearest town, which is not in the mountains, do treat us hillbillies differently. And by differently, I mean they make sweeping generalizations about our intellect, socioeconomic status, and the dental health of our children.
Not that some of the generalizations aren't true, mind you. I do have an uncle who lives in the woods, in a school bus, with 20+ dogs as his main source of heat... I live in a double-wide, my teeth *are* kind of iffy, but I am poly-syllabic.
Just sayin'...
So, explain to me, Mountain girl, why would it be a bad idea to buy Charmin toilet paper for a dollar or more less at wal-mart, than to pay more at Target?
Oh no he did NOT bring up the kool aid. them is FIGHTIN words! just leave the koolaid out of it!
@ Jello: I understand completely. Thank you for sharing this perspective. I can remember the old Walmart & Sam's winning way of doing business very well.
Sam's death opened the doors for Walmart to become the collosal trading partner with China that it is today. If Walmart were a nation, it would rank ahead of Russia, Australia and Canada as China's eighth-biggest trading partner. I mean WOW!
And all of this happened as the average American citizen has dozed for the past 30-40 years, in front of his/her TV set, drugged on endless cops shows, doctor dramas, soap operas, talk shows, reality shows, sit-coms, mega bucks professional sports & blockbuster movies. Karl Marx said: "Religion is the opiate of the people." Not in the 21st century. Religion has dropped off the radar screen almost completely. Entertainment is the new "opiate of the people." They say entertainment is the last thing people will give up in a failing economy.
So while we were doped, the Powers That Be have been busy selling us out. Welcome to the Brave New World.
...aaaaand welcome to the Internet: your new dope.
Favorite:
"...intimidated by poly-syllabic words..."
I LOVE this.
I work at concert venues and I could have written this after any of several long hard nights at a country show. believe it or not, the nicest crowds are hard rock (especially goth)
A Hillbilly is a Redneck with ALTITUDE!
@ Lauren: I already explained it. If you still don't get it, I suspect it's because you really don't want to.
@ Lolita: Digressed into preachin? How about teaching? Teaching a hard lesson that people just don't want to hear?
And why does everything have to be fun? There's no rule says FOUND has to be all fun. We comment about these glimpses into other people's lives, sometimes funny, sometimes serious. Someone asked why pay more somewhere else when they can get it cheaper at Walmart. I provided a fact-based answer. Sorry if I spoiled everyone's fun.
This ain't no fire drill, kiddies. The teacher has left the building because it's burning.
@ cotton-Well said. couldnt have re-wrote it better.
@ mom-I'd have to claim myself as one of those pot smoking, berk wearing, incense burning, tree hugging so in so's you speak of and I must admit at first I had a little resentment towards you, but I now realize just how on cue you really are. If I was angry at a hillbilly I beleive I would do and say the same things they did. (besides the Eagles statement, of course) So good job, mom.
All in all I believe this find is spectacular.
At Monkey in Denial...bravo, well said.
I understand being angry but some of these stereotypes just go way too far...and the eagles rock
Hey! That's my family your talking about.
@Erin in Therapy. I envy you I really do. I can't seem to get away from that dang mega store of evil.
@mountain girl; yes, you're right. I guess some times I forget that walmart hasn't quite yet taken over the whole country. there are a few places that have yet escaped their iron fisted rule over retail.
but I still hold true that using walmart shopping as an insult is weak at best, since it's taken over an absurd amount of the country's shopping.
@fellow stoner: I have a peace sign tattoo and a firm belief that our children do not inherit the earth from us- but rather, we borrow it from them. (Always return what you've borrowed in As Good or Better condition than when you got it!)
I was just trying to come up with a stereotype that I was familiar enough with that I could list a lot of attributes. I'm glad you realize that there was no malice behind my statement. :D We should sing Kumbaya or something now.
For the record: I like shopping at Wal*Mart because I feel really smart, well-dressed and pretty by the time I'm done watching my fellow shoppers there. ZOMG. Ours is like a Gallery of Human Grotesques.
Good times, good times.
@Mom- We always say, "Oh, the humanity!" when referencing the crowd at Wal Mart. And, yes, we DO feel like glamorous movie stars after shopping there! FRUGAL movie stars, but movie stars nonetheless.
Wal-Mart may be cheap, but is the money going to business owners you support? Is it a good idea just to keep sending money there because it's CHEAPER?
Just think about it.
Yes. Because I don't have any money.
It's not because I have some love-on for WalMart. I can go there or Target. I actually go to Target more because it's closer. Every single store where I live is a corporate deally. I do buy things like make-up and beauty related items from business owners (off the internet, made in the USA).
Some people have no choice, but to go with the cheapest--especially in this economy.
well I guess I can add another long-winded poster whose longass posts I will systematically skip completely... Because I, for one, AM here for fun.
I just can't imagine, unless you've got money pouring out of your ears, paying more for something than you have to because you hate wal-mart/love America or whatever.
well, before i read the comments...i laughed till i nearly peed my pants...don't think those stereo=types are purely american...i live in alberta after all.
i would rather buy anything in a small mom and pop operation than going to walmart, and pay more for the privilige of being able to do so.
vancouver, managed to keep walmart out of their city limits. why? because the people didn't want it there, the people appreciated the idea of supporting smaller stores. granted there are some chain stores there.
i like to shop where people appreciate my business, that go out of their way to help you, that you are important to them. my sister doesn't understand this, nor my mother...they're building a 2 million square foot mall five miles down the road from me (they don't even know where they're going to get the water to sustain it-- but the project is going along) my family was so excited about it....when did shopping become more than a necessity, and became a hobby...
as a 19 year-old college student, who lives in a house that goes through two and a half rolls or more of toliet paper and uses almost two gallons of milk a week, i can't afford to shop anywhere other than walmart. if i can save $2 on a twelve pack of charmon then that's $2 i can spend on milk. hopefully, in ten years i'll have enough money to be able to shop at local grocery stores. but for now, it's walmart all the way.
Q: What's wrong with the Eagles?
A: They fucking suck.*
* except for guitar virtuoso Joe Walsh, whose best material is his solo work (that "my Maserati does 185" song) and the James Gang. Also, the ridiculous and surprisingly heated debates which can occur upon debating the meaning, which to me is obvious, of the song "Hotel California." Try it out at a party sometime. A dumbass or two shall reveal themselves.
I hope "illiterut" was some sort of joke.