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April 12, 2009 |
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Jason Sucks
FOUND by rooney
in In a piece of furniture I bought off Craigslist
My friends and I found this note after trying to move an unwieldy chest of drawers. Evidently it had been pushed all the way to the back of the cabinet and up and over the bottom drawer. We only found it because we had to take it apart to get it into my car. My best guess is that this girl must have been trying to get over an ex boyfriend by listing everything that she disliked about him. And of course, she needed to fill up fifty numbers. It's amazing.
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Self Portrait July 01, 2008 |
Constructing a ... July 06, 2008 |
First Job July 21, 2005 |
Stick It to The Man December 15, 2005 |
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We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids' homework,
to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles -
anything that gives a glimpse into someone
else's life. Anything goes...
I'll bet this was intended to be plastered all over poor Jason's school/neighborhood/etc. It's just too vicious to be a secret note to herself!
It's all about #23 and #25. Those would hold up as grounds for divorce in my courtroom.
51. for some reason I'm still madly in love with him even though I have a list of 50 reasons about why he sucks.
#36 and #28 I am getting a little turned on..just didn't mention if he wears cut off t-shirts if he does..I get first dibs!
oops! I meant #26 and #28...I am just so worked up I can't....mmmmm yummy
Lying and flexing - no good will come of it
I can't believe he thought he was more stylish than her, what a horrible offense.
t Flargy what is it like having your very own courtroom?
Definitely her favourite song is "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover."
Some of this stuff would be irritating, but what I mostly get is that she thinks the relationship should be all about her. "Didn't notice my qualities." Yeah right--among them your sweet temper, compassionate nature, and selflessness. (!!)
"Too Jewish"?? What is that? If she's not Jewish and knew beforehand that he was, I don't see how she got involved with him. Or is she trying to get away from her own background?
Baby Basil, and don't forget her random acts of kindness! Because they were completely random! And all about being kind, and not about getting validation or reciprocation in any way AT ALL!
"Too Jewish"? Don't get it. Are there degrees of Jewishness? I thought either you are or you aren't. I kind of understand what she means, but at the same time it's kind of like saying you're "too male."
I think the author of this note would benefit from meditating upon the old saying that "What we hate most in others are those things we recognize in ourselves."
51. Never appreciated the way I centered my lines on the
computer!
I see lots of reasons to leave him (like #19), but too much chest hair??!
Jeez Jason, it looks like you really pissed off your Aunt this time!
I recommend anyone trying to get over someone to create such a list! And if there are things on there that might seem strange to others, who cares. I don't believe she meant the world to see the list.
It is great when one can take out a list like this and look at what strangled the relationship any time one has doubts about leaving it!
I love these kinds of lists...never to be seen by others, but only for your own "satisfaction". So whatever goes on there might as well be over the top.
Such a list will give you an instant feelings update. Are you still angry, sad, not caring anymore or even nostalgic when you read it again after a while.
So, hey, anyone making fun of these, go ahead. They are funny!
But do try this at home, kids!It certainly is a great method to sort out life.
# 26
Is Jason the American Apparel briefs model?
Well open up your mind and see like me.
Open up your plans and damn, you're free..
aww shit. I never liked you anyway. But my dick did.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bitch.
I'm pretty sure that I dated Jason. I always thought that he was Just The Right Amount of Jewish. But I concur with the rest of this list.
At least she didn't leave because of his tiny penis, like my girlfriend did. :(
Too Jewish.
Can't get passed that one.
Jason, dude, you are so better off without this chick.
Seriously.
Jenna was an Atheist and Jason was Jewish, but she thought maybe they could still be in love anyway. It didn't work out, so she made a list of why she hated him to reassure herself that the breakup was justified. When she finished the list, Jason called and told her he was sorry, and she just discarded the list and went back to him.
Poor Jason...he's just too male, like all those other boys.
notice she never complained about the sex? no wonder she stayed long enough to compile a 50 item list.
@Jason Bitner: I wasn't going to mention your use of hair products, but now that it's on the table, you use way too much and it doesn't go in your chest hair.
I appear to be in the minority here in that I think the guy sounds like a first-rate asshole and that she is better off without him.
I was thinking, 'Wouldn't it have been easier to challenge herself to list just one reason she stayed with him any length of time?' Then I "magnified" and OH MY! She did go on...but couldn't bear to read any more. Regardless of which person was worse in this relationship, let's hope they were wise enough to stay apart. Good grief!
I have written so many lists like this!!! My favorite was "too Jewish". What does THAT mean??
If that is a typical prejudice that would discount the redundant numbers such as: 6, 18, 20, 22, 23, 26, 31, and 50.
I am not saying I feel this way, I am going by the typical judgments made against Jews.
The only way I can imagine someone being "too Jewish" is maybe a scenario like that 80's film, "A Stranger Among Us" where the shiksa police detective falls hard for an Orthodox fellow. Otherwise it's like saying someone is "too Caucasian" or "too Asian" or something. You might as well say, "Oh he's too carbon-based."
Actually, In Denial....
I think #15 DOES mention the sex.
Actually, In Denial and Completely ignor in g:
The sex issue is mentioned in #24
4, 12, and 13: all about sex, sex, and sex.
(more on the back, too, but I can't seem to read it without saving and opening the image in a phot app, which I just don't want to do right now.)
signed, your skinhead ex-girlfriend
Seinfeld, Episode 155
Kramer: Listen to me. You don't tell anybody about this. No one. You hear me?
Jerry: Um hum.
George enters
Kramer: Hey, Jerry shaved his chest.
Jerry: Hey!
Didn't make me laugh. That's the only one she needs to sway her decision.
Blaze, I'm with you.
At least it's honest. I doubt this was meant for anyone's eyes but hers.
#26 is definitely about sex... how can you get down and dirty with chest hair???
My sister made a list like this once, the dude cheated on her....she also put his pic on it & distributed it at WalMart & at their high school...the guy ended up going into the Air Force, probably to escape his reputation....lol.
What the hell was she doing with this douche in the first place! Too Jewish - that's harsh, hilarious but harsh.
LOL @ kitty danger... i would so totally do that!
*mental note to self*
on another note this chick sounds totally pissed. what a dick this guy sounds like. i would make a list too, and distribute it at wal-mart instead of shoving it at the back of some drawer.
9, 11, 12, 13, 15, 25, are all about sex
but i especially like 15 she says it hasn't been good for a while thinks and then changes it to months to emphasize her ANGER!!!
RAWRRRR good job jason dater.
congrats at picking the worst man in the world.
lawlz at the "too jewish" i agree some people can be very annoying and forceful of there religion.
2. arrogant
3. conceited
4. overly critical
Hmm. Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me.
Gotta wonder how Jason's list would read.
10 REASONS WHY I'M GLAD THAT UNEDUCATED BITCH IS GONE
1. repulsed by my morning kisses
2. called Manischeitz "too sweet"
3. bitch bought her clothes at American Apparel
4. she got all uncomfortable when I wanted the dog to join in
5. refused to lie flat on her back and look up at money I laid out on the glass table
6. can't get past her history as a nun
7. bitch was always cryin!
8. never laughed at my killer jokes (especially the Little Johnny Jokes yo!)
9. wouldn't pick up case of Paul Mitchell Sculpting Palmade at Costo when she was there getting her damn expensive Lady Gillette Triple Blades
10. plenty of ugly bitches wanna hit it so I'm cool
Hahahahaha, Jason, you're better off without this psychopath. I loved #16 and #37.
C'mon guys, we gotta have at least 50 comments for this!
All you defenders of Jason, take another look at #44......
I rest my case.
51. Is called Jason.
#30. Do women still want those things? They don't know how to give proper oral, too lazy! P.S. Women TIP 5 times less(on average) then men, FACT.
Too Jewish?!
I've made a list like this, it wasn't because I wasn't over my ex-boyfriend, it was so I wouldn't forget later and feel bad about dumping the asshole.
too jewish
haha. i love it.